to feel that most females have been the victim of some kind of sexual abuse?

[SoleSource]

AIBU?

I was very nearly raped by a taxi driver. Also my cries of NO have been ignored on a couple of occasions.

MadBusLady

I see the issue. It's difficult. If I don't refer to having been "lucky" I worry my posts could be trigger-y to all the many women who have been told it was their own fault.

Ooh Apple. Why do so many of us not report it? Me included. Guess it is not being believed, what others think and how we feel about ourselves.

We should not feel that wsy, I hope things continue to improve.

I'm going to add again to my long list. When I was about 18 I had an experience where I couldn't remember most of a night and woke up with finger tip shaped bruises all over my chest and heard all sorts of stories about what I'd been doing. I'm pretty sure I was spiked with rohypnol because my experience matches up with the suggestiveness/inhibition and memory loss that happens with rohypnol. At the time I was too ashamed to talk to the police and thought it probably wouldn't have made a difference anyway because the men involved were only in the country for one weekend. I didn't realise I'd been roofied until many years later when I read the effects of rohypnol on the internet.

I have been considering starting a post on this topic myself recently.

All my early sexual experiences (from the age of 12) have been with older men who gave coerced me into it.

The first time it nearly happened I was shaking with fear and he couldn't penetrate. I now realise this was because I was clamped up and too scared but he kept telling me that the reason was because I wasn't fully developed. It went on for hours before he finally gave up.

Another incident that sticks in my mind was where I was 13 and hung around with a local group of young adults drinking etc. one night I got really drunk (stupid) and couldn't even stand up. There were 3 young men stood around laughing while I vomited on the floor. One handed me a chewing gum, pulled me up and started leading me down a lath to a secluded spot. It didn't register what was happening even when the other men started shouting 'give her one fit me' as in my 13 year old naivety, I thought because he had a girlfriend he wouldn't want to cheat on her. He pinned me up against the wall and all I kept saying is 'what about your x (the girlfriends name). He didn't say a word before it was over and he dropped me to the floor and said, 'you'll be ok to walk yourself home won't you?' And left. I sat on the floor for a whole feeling really confused about what has happened. At the time I didn't really see what he did as wrong and even now I am reluctant to class the incident as rape even though it was definitely unwanted and I thought I was making that clear. It's only now in older that it upsets me that it happened.

Lots if other minor incidences like a 40 odd year old council worker forcing his tongue down my neck and coming back in his car outside my house and calling me on the phone to come and meet him (luckily I was too frightened to go). My boss in my first jobs pointedly brushing my boobs whenever he needed to pass me paper work etc several times a day and leaning over me uncomfortably close.

I was going to start my own thread because all my experiences of men (and I mean all men) have led me to hate men. It affects me every day as most of the time I can't look men in the eye and I always feel very uncomfortable around them. I worry about his this will affect me when I return to work (SAHM at the moment). I have a DP but I don't fully trust him either.

Sorry that was so long. YANBU.

No Sole

I have no idea why not, the thought just didn't occur to me.

It bloody would now though.

YANBU

I have had this conversation with a group of friends in the past. 9/10 had experienced this sort of thing mentioned here.

Personally, I was a victim of a pedophile on the telephone age 10. I don't remember how long he groomed me for, but I do remember telling my mum when he asked about pubic hair in his long story of he is a photographer and I am a model. Maybe a few weeks.
Parents reported to police and I know the phone was tapped. Mum pretends she can't remember it now, but I doubt he was caught.

Aged mid twenties a man I knew locked me in the ladies toilets with him during a fairly drunk night whilst my fiancée was in the bar outside. I didn't fear him but strangely I knew I had to scream. Yet no noise came out. That was the moment I panicked. Luckily another woman banged endlessly on the door for a pee and drew attention to the locked door from outside.

And 18 in a nightclub I had my crotch not only groped on a staircase but penetrated it was so violent.

Same here Katie

Occurred to me but worried what people might think/say.

thank you for sharing

TheBigJessie. Agree. I did hesitate about posting it. I definitely do NOT want anybody here to think that somebody else being a rapist/sexual abuser is their fault.

The much older brother of a friend molested me a few times. Used to French kiss me. I was about 9. He was vile and used to hold my waist and push me into bushes. He used to smell bad.

I did tell my Mother. My Father would have killed him in cold blood. We decided to not tell anybody, keep it quiet and keep away from him. Even now I know it was for the best.

I've never had anything like this happen, ever.

I'm so sorry for all those who have :(

I've never experienced any of this.

However, two of my great grandfathers sexually abused their grandchildren (one the boys, the other was girls). It was the generation above mine that was affected. I've never come across any type of sexual abuse myself.

Sorry I just remebered I got a dirty phonecall when small, I thought it was one of my dads mate and was chatting to him, but didn't ask who it was as i was embrresed i didn't recognise his voice.

He started making 'funny soounds' and I asked him what he was doing and he sai 'Wanking his cock'

he rang back a few times and my mum answered and went apeshit.

He had a witheld number of course.

It didn't affect me at all, I just thought it was weird.

Thank you AllPastYears and Goldship. I've had a huge glug of wine since writing that.

My family were always really dysfunctional and I learnt at a young age to not complain to my mother about my brother. Didn't matter what he did, it's always me that copped the blame, so after a while, I said nothing. Plus, it's the usual thing - I felt somehow to blame, that I wouldn't be believed, or I'd even be 'accused' of instigating it. It'd be physical abuse as well as sexual. Once he took a kitchen knife and chased me all over the house, pretending to stab at me (he watched lots of horror films) and only stopped when he slashed at my forearm. I should have had stitches, but I didn't show anyone. Just taped it up. Scar still with me now.

I also remember standing in my bathroom with the door locked, and I'd stripped off my trousers. I was 9 at the time, and terrified that the puppy-fat swelling in my belly was actually baby. I was 9. I thought I was pregnant.

I have 3 girls. I will kill and I mean KILL any man who does anything like that to them.

I'm going to stop now. More wine. This is all too over-whelming for me.

Oh and one of my dads mates was a taxi driver and asked my dad if i wanted a lift when i was going to my friends house (was about 13)

he drove past my friends house and wouldn't speak to me, it was dark outside.

he just drove round for ages staring ahead silently, then eventually dropped me at my friends

never said a word, and i never told my dad.

How did I forget that?

YANBU, having read through some posts it has actually brought back the memories.
I was about 14 when I was groped through the pocket of my own jacket on a jam-packed rush hour tube. Shame I always bit my nails as I tried to find out who it was by grabbing and squeezing the hand but I didn't see anyone around me react. I was surrounded by men and women in suits.
At 17, I slept round a friends house after a party and woke up to find a supposed friend of mine groping me.
At 20, me and my boyfriend were travelling in Turkey and accepted an offer to stay at someone's house. He plied us both with Raki and some dodgy tea, gave us each a sofabed. I woke up to him pawing all over me, I had to use some proper force to get him off me and my boyfriend awake.
At 24, I was staying at a friends place, I woke up to him fully ready to shag me. I got very upset and forceful to stop him. He has never acknowledged this happened. Claims he doesn't remember.

I've never been raped, but have just realised that I have suffered 4 sexual attacks in my life.

I studied sociology and remember a theory stating that all men are potential rapists. I didn't agree with this theory at the time, but may have to re-think that. Potential...

I have a DS and a DD, I hope I give them the emotional intellegence, confidence and skills to not fall into the category of attacker or victim.

As a society we obviously don't educate people effectively in sexual etiquette (not the word I want but can't think of another). This can't be done solely at school or home. Should other media be involved?

No idea what this was and probably my own fault but an older man came round to help me pratise for a play. I was late 20s so should have known better. Had had half a bottle of fizz. He took me out to get more alcohol after I practised the kiss with him. I got very drunk. No idea what happened. Something did because he came round and was scared I would tell the drama group. I couldnt get him to leave my house. He would not tell me what happened. I left the play .

I was flashed as a child.
I used to play dr and nurses type exploratory sexual stuff as a child with a boy I knew, which I felt fine with until we got to puberty at which point I put an end to it as I knew I was at risk of pregnancy. Many years later I learned that he did similar with his half sister and it went on to abuse in that case.
As a fat teen on holiday abroad I got unwanted attention - pressing against me in shops type stuff which disturbed me more because I felt unhappy with my shape and hated men finding me attractive when that was the last thing I felt.
Apart from that I've not had any untoward sexual attention.

It's so awful reading these that so many strong, beautiful, amazing women have had such awful experiences and now feel that they can't trust any men.

Is ridiculous that I consider myself 'lucky' to have not been sexually abused / molested / assaulted in some way! It shouldn't be lucky - we shouldn't feel fortunate - nobody should go through that!

So sorry for all of u that have been put through these awful ordeals.

At school a group of boys (not always the same ones but maybe any one or two of a group of about 6 or 7) would systematically grab me (and I assume other girls) and 'feel me up'. I never told anyone as I was ashamed and kind of thought it was normal iyswim? Hideous as a recollect it. I used to just try to avoid being alone in the corridors.

Also been flashed out a number of times, a kid a year older than me who lived opposite locked us both in the downstairs loo in his house and sexually assaulted me. We were very young then. He might gave been about 11. He knew what he was doing though. I never went anywhere near him again and I can remember him bring extremely wary of me as we got older. Stupid git.

I think the thing is I actually thought it was normal.

Yes, lots of times, on various levels, from being about 12.

It's just too fucking depressing.

YANBU,
I have been followed home by a friend when I was 14,he scared me.
I have been propositioned by a much older man in a pub,he wouldn't leave me alone and I had to get the bouncer to escort me out.
I lost my virginity at 16 to a 39 yr old man,he was my boss and I definitely feel like I was groomed by him.
I have been followed into a pub toilet by my friends bf,he forced himself onto me and was seconds away from molesting me,luckily someone walked in and he got off me.
I have had a stranger try to get in my car whilst wanking,police arrested him and it turns out his friends little girl who was 6 told her teacher he had touched her but he got away with it as no one believed her. He was found guilty.
I have had a work colleague grab my breasts underneath my top,he apologised afterwards.

I have never, in 45+ years, had anything happen to me. Thank goodness.
Sorry for all those that have suffered.

YANBU, I was abused by a neighbour as a child and just recently (I am in my thirties) a friend of mine had her crotch groped when we were out in a bar at 8pm. I think something like this has happened to most of the women I know.

Apart from what happened when i was a young child (which i won't be sharing), I've been exposed to in the street by an older boy, had my arse groped walking down the road by a man walking in the opposite direction (in an area where this seemed to happen a lot! not sure if it was cultural as the men in that area had no respect for women's right to not be groped and shouted smutty things at!?), saw a man in the next car at traffic lights wanking (wanking and driving!), been taken advantage of in a drunken state a couple of times when underage by much older men, been groomed when 14/15, . . .

That's all i can remember right now.