to feel that most females have been the victim of some kind of sexual abuse?

[SoleSource]

AIBU?

I was very nearly raped by a taxi driver. Also my cries of NO have been ignored on a couple of occasions.

I empathise with the poster who said that she felt that the only way to avoid being raped again was to not say no. As I said before, there have been a few occasions where I have consented because I had a feeling that it was going to happen whether I consented or not. Like the guy who followed me into the toilets in a nurse's hall of residence. I tried to get past him to get away and he just wasn't letting me. At least by consenting I was able to get him to wear a condom. The creep was an A&E doctor. I was only there because the "friend" I was out with was insistent that she was going back with two men she'd only just met and I figured that if I couldn't dissuade her then at least she'd be safe if I went with here and I was the one who for all intents and purposes was raped. I doubt the pathetic excuse for a man thinks of himself as a rapist though.

Well! I have to admit i am shocked by something that happened approx an hour ago round the corner from my house whilst i was walking the dog.

3 boys, aged about 10-12, chatting and shouting 'i'll rape your mom' to each other i actually had to say to them, do you know what rape is.. because i was simply stunned. None of them replied, just stood there looking shifty.

I am mega shocked, still.

Somerset I have to admit to being kept safe by my very build and stature. I'm 6ft 3 and quite strongly built, always done 'mans jobs' heavy lifting ect.. i've knocked a few people out for 'chancing their arm' and i mean flat on their back. I've felt pretty safe where other people might not, walking in the dark, ect. I also own large dogs, they add to my feeling of safety.
I got taught a few 'moves' in ju jitsu by a very good friend, enough to enable me to get away if i ever get attacked, i don't know if i would have the presence of mind to use them.

I also have to be aware that my physical stature can be intimidating to people, its hard because you don't feel big, everyone else seems small.. lol.. but i cross the road at night while walking alone or with the dogs so i don't scare people also out walking. i try not to catch up with them or if they slow down to allow me to overtake so i'm in front of them, i do so.
I have also told my DS to be aware that he could be intimidating as he is tall, too, and explained in detail why.

I've made him aware of things he wouldn't have normally been aware of in regard to women. I'm pretty open about stuff.

But then he goes to his DF's and oh my god his attitude when he comes back STINKS. He makes comments on things on tv and we doscuss his comments and feelings. During the week, they're kind, warm, empathetic. following contact, they are cold, almost cruel, selfish.

I think we have a long way to go before some men teach their sons that women are equals, to be loved and protected by their partners.

During a playfight with him a couple of weeks ago, i only just managed to overpower him.. he said 'You're weak' i replied, son, i may be weak physically, but i have put up with a lot of things that would have broken a man, and given birth to three children.
Treat women how you would want me to be treated, or your daughter if you had one, don't ever follow the pack.

I'd like to trust that he listens but i don't know what he'd do if out with a pack of unrestrained lads.. especially given that his own father paid for him to be 'wenched' (have a woman rub his face in her breasts) at a recent festival they went to :( I'm fighting against that type of thing.. how can you win?

I was abused by my uncle when I was four, he was in his late teens, touching and a lot of language used, I didn't understand, did not like him and used to avoid him whenever I could, my mother caught him kissing me in an adult way once and still let him babysit.

I was abused by my step-father when I was 10, serious abuse, rape and physical bullying, I did not live with my mother, but was made to visit her and she worked nights in a bar and left me with him, my brothers were two and three years old so too young to witness or protect.

But all through my younger years, I realise now, was this theme of abuse, my parents (gran and mother) offered no stability or security, a lot of my childhood was spent moving up and down the country in homeless B&B's and refuges thanks to my mother, and in the B&B's you would get a lot of men who often tried to touch you up and get you alone, alcoholics, drug addicts and probably convicted offenders given the transient nature of the places... This was the late 70's and 80's so there was no the protection in place for children that there is now.

I have always been very aware of men's behaviour, even at 6/7 years old I knew the men to avoid and the ones you could say hello to, I would like to say that I had met more decent men than not, but it was not the case as a child and young person, now it is, but because I am choosy about the company I keep.

Despite this awareness, it hasn't protected me from the common assaults that women put up with, the groping, the assumption of interest in men you are not interested in, the pressure for sex, the pressure to consent even when you are not consenting... The last time I was seriously assaulted was five years ago by someone I thought was my best friend, I had known him for over 15 years and even he tried to force himself on me.

I thought it was because of my abuse, that I had something people saw in me, but I have realised over the past few years that it is an issue with society, we as a society give men excuse after excuse to touch someone without their permission, the 'cheeky' pinch on the bum, the 'sneaky' grope... But it is all overstepping boundaries, and there are always going to be people who push and push in order to get what they want, especially when there are no real consequences.

Thankfully (can't tell you how thankful) I haven't in anyway. What really scares me is the amount of girls/women are sexually asulted but don't class it as that as they know people who have been through worse/because they weren't raped/because they 'led on' the person in some way (instead of seeing their right to say no at any time). A friend said about how she nearly had sex for the first time, she didn't, she was nearly date rapped yet a friend had been through worse so didn't see it as that. Maybe there needs to be better education for young girls as to what is assault and what is not in anyway ok.

OP YANBU,

'luckily' nothing happened to me during my childhood, but from my early adult yrs when I started going out I have been groped on my bum, crotch, boobs more times than I care to recall, mainly in nightclubs but a couple of times on the street too. To the pp who suggested we shouldn't put ourselves in certain situations, should I have given up my social life and never gone to another pub or club again! As it was I just got better at handling it and became quite adept at the belittling put down.

When I was 20 I woke up to my flatmates dp kissing me and putting his hand down my knickers. My flatmate actually saw him coming out of my room and accused me of sleeping with him. Fortunately she believed me when I told her what really happened and she kicked him out. What made me feel worse about it was that before I properly woke up and was still half asleep I was responding to him. I felt sick after. I actually blocked it out and only remembered about 10 yrs later when I heard he had died.

When I was on holiday in Greece at about 22, I was quite drunk one night and got separated from my friends and got got quite lost. I managed to find a taxi to take me back to the hotel, only he got his cock out and grabbed my hand and put it on it and tried to get me to give him a hand job. I managed to get out the taxi even more in the middle of nowhere. Luckily a much nicer man came along on a moped and took me back to town where I found my friends. I never told them what happened, I felt stupid for getting lost and 'putting myself in that situation'.

I have told my dh but none of my friends. To those pp's who think that none of their friends have ever been assaulted I respectfully suggest that you are wrong. Very few people talk about it.

Just tonight as I was waiting in the traffic jam a man on a bus stuck out his tongue and waggled it at me! I was reading the advert on the bus when I noticed. It was definatly sexual.

YANBU

I was molested by a pediatrician when I went for a routine hospital appointment for my heart murmur. My mum was sat unaware on the other side of the curtain screen whilst he fondled my chest and bottom with his hands and mouth. I was 9 years old.

I never mentioned it to anybody. Mainly because I didn't understand at the time I had been abused, and because it wasn't something that affected me and I quickly forgot about.

32 years later, with a 9 year old DD of my own,I feel great anger and wonder how many other girls he must have abused over the years.

This man was handsome and charming in a respected profession. My mum thought he was wonderful. No one could have possibly guessed.

The driver?

Just and at every single pist.

I believe you and wish I could wipe your memory of it clean.

No he was a passenger, Hmm I was in my car with my DS. My DS is blind but he didn't know thst the pervert7

Post not pist obv. :)

I was just remembering, I came out of a club once, bit tipsy, and wandered away from the front door and there was a girl lying slumped, obviously unconscious and drunk, puddle of sick beside her, and two men taking photos on their mobile whilst another was undressing her and was unzipping himself, I shouted at them and they were quite aggressive, luckily not as aggressive as I was as a young one and I either shamed them or scared them away.

Afterwards almost all of my friends thought I was stupid, she obviously deserved it otherwise she wouldn't have got into that state and wouldn't have gone into the alleyway.

This is societies overall view I fear, that the victim is responsible in almost every way.

I have had similar to that, the bus thing.. i pulled over in front of the bus, jumped on it and gave the man who did it a shake 'waving your tiny penis at me out the back window, brave aren't you' Well it could have ended badly but i gave him a fright.
IME people who were giving it large have often stopped dead in their tracks when i've stood up out of my chair or something. Don't think they feel so intimidating when they're face level to a womans' chest.
If it was the driver i'd have been then a definate 'report the bastard'

I was assaulted by my uncle when I was about 9 ys old. I was in bed with my cousin-his daughter. Asleep. In my grandparents home. He came in to the bed. I was sleeping next to the wall, and my cousin was in between us. He moved her, so I was next to him. I pretended to be asleep while he touched me.
I got up very early and went to my parents, and slept next to my mother. I've never told her. I told my brothers but to be honest no one took it seriously.
I hate that I have never had the guts to confront him. I hate that my mother idolises him. I forever feel guilty that I never said anything. I feel guilty because my cousins are all screwed up. I am sure if he did it to me, he did it to them.
I hope every day that he dies a painful death.
I am 45 yrs old.

Good for you Hmmm :)

Have ypu considered therapy? Yesme :)

We should mention the decent men who cross the road so you can be sure they are not following you, who make sure you have a lift when necessary, and who keep a brotherly eye on us when there might potentially be something threatening around the corner.

Yes thete are millions of decent men and women who do not sexually abuse but protect if necessary and thoughts like that are far from their minds.

Yes, there are - thankfully - plenty of decent men. My father, uncles, FIL and DB, my DH who I can trust to (co-)raise our DS to be another one of them.

Thank goodness for them, and all men like them.

You are right, and abusive men are hopefully probably the minority - it is a shame that judging by this thread, the majority of women end up being victims though.

In light of this thread I've just had a 'talk' with my 2 eldest dds (14 and 9). 9 year old (thankfully) thought I was nuts and didn't really know what I was on about. 14 year old has never had anything inappropriate happen. I told them it doesn't matter who it is they should always tell me and I'll always believe them.
I got a bit of a rolly eyed 'mum is being a bit ott' response but hopefully they took it in.

Its not an easy subject to tackle but maybe we need to drum it into our Dc that it's never acceptable for someone to make them feel uncomfortable.

The trouble is, we also teach them to respect adults and do what they're told.

I hate how cruel the world can be sometimes.

And to you all :( doesn't cover it but for all the shitty men we come across, remember the good ones too.

Does this thread include husbands Pressurising for sex,who won't take no for an answer, who carry on regardless? Is this sexual abuse?

Yes it is rape demented :(

And hmm - same here wrt height and stature. I get comments but the last time I was repeatedly groped in a club he got a hard slap across the face. I don't tend to get any trouble. I do feel quite physically strong so maybe that comes across too.

I was molested, and more, by my 18 year old cousin when I was 9.

At 15 I was also groped and forced against a wall and had my hand forced down the trousers of a lad a year older (and a LOT stronger) than myself. This man is now a policeman in my local area.

Awful that so many of us were sexually abused by professionals in positions of trust. Upthread I mentione d a GP. don't know if I also mentioned the ambulance man who put his hands down my trousers for a quick grope while I was lying semi concious, but not so unconcious i didn't know what he was doing. I still lay there and let him do it; my mother was with me but had just got out of the ambulance and was waiting for them to take me out on a stretcher. This was over 30 years ago and is the first time I've ever told anybody. I was too polite to say anything at the time!