bullying culture thread

[FunnysInLaJardin]

I did it, hooray, I posted the last post. I am sooooo PROUD

at Mongolia. What colour would that be then?

I didn't post in the last one either because every once in a while a thread about bullying pops up on here and its always the same response of people trying to shout down the OP and then some more people saying the OP has a point.

I have been bullied on here before by an old name who likes to live by the motto that "its just words on a screen". I knew it was her way of justifying the way she speaks to people on here and that I wasn't the only person who had been on the receiving end so couldn't be bothered to call her up on it. Low and behold not long after, a whole thread was started about it and recieved a 50/50 response as to whether the claims of bullying on here were actually bullying or if people should suck it up and think of it as "just words on a screen".

My contribution then was simply that cyber bullying has been recognised as a legitimate thing and organisations have even been set up to tackle the problem among young people so I couldn't see why it should be any different on here. Some people on here can act very much like a cliquey group of teenagers when they want to.

At the same time though, when I have had problems in my life and asked for help and advice, I have had an outpouring of support from some mumsnetter's too, which I have really appreciated.

There is bullying on here and there is also a lot of support. I think it all comes down to whether you align yourself with the generally accepted opinion or not.

Ok. So when you say bullied, what exactly do you mean?

Because cyber bullying is horrific. It's getting nasty messages, private messages over and over again for example.

I just think theres a big difference between having a difference of opinion on a forum and it getting heated and a bit nasty, and a planned out bullying of someone ie nasty Pms, nasty comments about you, and directed at you whenever you are on the same thread and so on.

Well, I don't think it's bullying. Bullying to me is a long term, concerted effort to make someone's life unbearable.

What can happen here is ganging up or picking on, which can be part of bullying, but isn't necessarily bullying, as the poster being picked on isn't (usually) followed from thread to thread and hassled.

Yes. It's like High School in here sometimes. But then again, I find my former place of work is like High School sometimes as well. It is, unfortunately, part of human nature.

Cross post with Tantrum...

Great minds and all that tee

I think Mumsnet is like RL really. Lots of nice, normal, friendly people who try to be kind and tactful and polite and some absolute wankers misguided people who don't understand the difference between being funny and being hurtful or who just like to strut around thinking they're somehow better than everyone else.

I don't mind being disagreed with, but you can do that in a nice and respectful way, or in a rude, nasty, spiteful, mocking way. I guess I just had a bad experience and I'm sure there's plenty of fun and support to be had here too. (I've seen plenty!) To me, doesn't really matter if some people call it bullying and some don't. It's more to do with whether someone with a genuine question or issue comes away feeling built up or torn down. And I don't think anyone is denying that it can get nasty at times. Shame, but that's just life.

I think some posters feel that anything goes on AIBU and unfortunately they just go way too far sometimes.

Thanks for the intros LaQueen. So will I be able to see the jazz hands beacon from Australia? I'm a little bit worried...

Well, I've never bullied (knowingly) or been bullied (knowingly. People could be bullying me right now, and I probably wouldn't notice).

Number 104something something something (I can't remember).

I do awesome jazz hands AND high kicks

It will reflect off the moon, FoodBaby.

I am not sure I know what Po-faced means.

It's something to do with chamberpots, Tee.

The moon! Of course! Schoolboy error...

FFS Scrambled. Po is a tellytubby. Try and keep up instead of showing off.

Po is a tellytubby Tee.

Well I have definitely seen people drag issues from one thread to another.

I seem to remember one girl who was I think a traveller gypsy (please correct me if I am wrong) be bashed on thread after thread. I think she offended people on one thread by having a different opinion so started another thread to explain or ask why she was being given so much grief and was put down for starting a thread about a thread to the extent that she left MN altogether.

I have seen people comment on a poster on different threads by reminding everyone of their contributions on other threads that had offended people then.

I have seen new posters being called trolls over and over again (including myself) or being told it is some sort of bad etiquette to start a thread if you are new.

And I have seen "pile on's" where a poster is ganged up on when initially having a one on one conversation and the other posters purposefully back each other up in order to shout down one individual.

I also remember a new member posting about an issue she had only to have the majority of responses be about the fact that she had used 'txt speak'. She obviously didn't have a brilliant level of English and said she was stunned as she had thought MN was supposed to be a supportive place for mum's and said she wouldn't bother coming back. I felt very sad for her as she had tried to continue the thread but felt bullied into leaving because of the way she typed, even though she wasn't from this country to have a brilliant level of English.

So yes, sometimes it does drag from one incident to another which makes it bullying in my opinion. And I personally don't think it has to be a dragged out thing to become bullying when a lot of people are involved in putting down one person or using foul language to address and belittle someone.

I get that not everyone wants to be all "oh honey" and would rather be direct and to the point, but there is being direct and to the point and there is being unnecessarily aggressive in the way someone is spoken to.

But as I said, I have also received a lot of support on here so it's swings and roundabouts. And I have a very good memory, I haven't been keeping this all written down I promise

That's my two cents.