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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that the bullying culture on MN can be a bit much....

999 replies

tjah04 · 04/10/2012 08:50

Having been a member of MN since 2003 I have seen and read some disgusting comments from other members particuarly on this board.

I am starting to think that some of these people must be very sad and insecure.

Some of the names that are called are disgusting and I am sure that these people would never go up to someone in RL and call them that.

And do not get me started on the "I am better than you because I can spell" attitude which seems to be the final insult if all else fails.

Other comments include

"troll" "Oh not another thread" etc.

It is cyber bullying at the end of the day and as mothers shouldn't we all just grow up a bit? The MN team do a great job of deleting such posts but often the OP has seen it and the damage is already done.

OP posts:
wisden · 04/10/2012 09:45

^There's room for silly, you know. And funny. Many, many threads - particularly on Aibu - simply cry out for their pomposity to be punctured or to be ribbed.
Nobody does it in relationships or health for a reason - that would be wrong.^

I agree with this^^

Pagwatch · 04/10/2012 09:45

That's the issue LRD exactly!

These threads achieve nothing because everyone immediately feels criticised and because so many people complaint about bullying are just being told with some unanimity that they are wrong so they get humpy.

And it makes me want to Thump my head against the table because the answer to bullying when you see it is to say something then or report it.

If there is anything worse than bullying it is saying nothing, choosing not to report and then starting a whiny thread to try and seem like a paragon of virtue.
Report.

EdMcDunnough · 04/10/2012 09:45

Erm, have I stirred up any shit? Where?

wisden · 04/10/2012 09:45

{angry] fecking itallics

LRDtheFeministDragon · 04/10/2012 09:46

Frankly, if the OP has been here since 2003 and decides to bugger off on the strength of people taking the piss out of her for whining about a bullying culture on a thread-about-a-thread, she probably needs a break, as she'd know these threads always piss people off.

wisden · 04/10/2012 09:46

FFS Angry fecking smilies

BigStickBIWI · 04/10/2012 09:46

I really disagree that we have to engage positively and politely with every OP. That would be hugely patronising. Rather like a primary school teacher who has to consider every word that drops from a child's lips as if was a pearl of wisdom.

We are grown-ups. If you post something daft/unpleasant/stupid/goading, then expect a robust and direct - or even mocking reply.

But this is not bullying.

Pagwatch · 04/10/2012 09:46

X-posted.
Porcamiseria. There is definitely piling in. Yes indeed.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 04/10/2012 09:46

You said that much more nicely than me, pag.

(See, why can't I be more like pag? Sad)

thebody · 04/10/2012 09:47

Posters who correct spellings and grammar are a tad wankerish and just make everyone think they are patronising twats.

Posters who are friends in RL, well it's not a crime but personally if they keep up the in jokes and chatter I just scroll over the posts as obviously its a bit boring for the rest if us but if they like it that's no problem.

If you post on AIBU and are effectively told yes you are then don't complain... Opinions are robust.

Delicate plants don't post here. Also sense of humour needed.

GoSakuramachi · 04/10/2012 09:47

Oh god, again?
Can we have a sign at the top of the page that says "Someone calling you a twatbadger is not bullying you".

Its so fucking juvenile. Enrich your vocabulary. Someone being rude to you is being rude, not bullying you. Someone disagreeing forcefully is not bullying you. This victim mentality is pathetic. And dull.

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 09:47

See, it IS all about tone and style.

If one did an op like this:

I love MN, it is warm, funny and helpful but I am wondering lately if we are all as kind as can be. I know it's dull going over the same old same old etc, but let us reach out and love newbies and all be kind to each other and share the love.

You'd get a much better response.

I also think most of the so-called pack mentality comes from the dull and frankly stupid, not those of us who like to lark about. We are generally kind unless confronted by an op like this.
So ner.

EdMcDunnough · 04/10/2012 09:47

LRD I prefer to see it as calling their bluff.

Taking it at face value will often puncture the tyres on something false before it takes off at all.

Taking the piss just gives the OP a chance to blame us.

BigStickBIWI · 04/10/2012 09:49

... and the OP, having goaded, has done a 'post and run'. Quelle surprise.

MaryZed · 04/10/2012 09:49
Hullygully · 04/10/2012 09:49

No Ed, witness the couple of threads yesterday, if people take it at face value, the op is DELIGHTED - all that attention for pages and pages

BigStickBIWI · 04/10/2012 09:50
Grin

I am so much of a pedant, I just had to Google to check that I'd got my French right ...

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 09:50

Ah, but Ed, you still think the op is genuine, don't you?

bless.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 04/10/2012 09:50

Fair enough, ed, I can see what you're getting at. But I don't agree that it works.

I think it just makes people feel paranoid that there is something nasty going on and they've not seen it/they want to know about it.

Sometimes there is some kind of ruck going on, but I hate the innuendo about them.

OhChristFENTON · 04/10/2012 09:50

Maryz, you've got your Zed on - how lovely you look in it today.

MaryZed · 04/10/2012 09:50

What GoSakuramachi said, with the addition of "especially if you are being a twatbadger".

I am being very nice these days, even to trolls and sockpuppets, and mnhq still won't give me a badge. It is vair upsetting.

Original poster
tjah04 · 04/10/2012 09:51

Not at all.The reason why I name changed was because very recently I was called a dyslexic C*nt on here for spelling something incorrectly.

I was so embarrassed by the tone the thread took from a simple question that I asked that I named changed. Family and friends do use this site and I was embarrassed.

Very open to people disagreeing with me on this as we all are entitled to our opinions. And that is how it should be.

Say you do not agree but do not name call me. That is a personal attack and is unfair.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 04/10/2012 09:51

Ed, serious point, if you really want to have a serious discussion about the point, start a genuine thread about it?

MaryZed · 04/10/2012 09:51

Thank you Fenton. I had to correct some fuckwit Bonkey who was pronouncing me in her head with a zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, which is frankly NOT ON.

SuePurblybilt · 04/10/2012 09:52

Yes indeed. I've been here since computers were powered by peat -not actually-- and I have seen tens of these threads Wink. If the OP really has been here this long then this was a pointy old stick of a goad. Under a namechange Hmm.
I'm all for namechanges for comedy purps and Is that You UCM type questions or to avoid outing but this is a cowardly goad and therefore comes under my 'Piss Taking Green Light' list.