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Original poster

To think that the bullying culture on MN can be a bit much....

999 replies

tjah04 · 04/10/2012 08:50

Having been a member of MN since 2003 I have seen and read some disgusting comments from other members particuarly on this board.

I am starting to think that some of these people must be very sad and insecure.

Some of the names that are called are disgusting and I am sure that these people would never go up to someone in RL and call them that.

And do not get me started on the "I am better than you because I can spell" attitude which seems to be the final insult if all else fails.

Other comments include

"troll" "Oh not another thread" etc.

It is cyber bullying at the end of the day and as mothers shouldn't we all just grow up a bit? The MN team do a great job of deleting such posts but often the OP has seen it and the damage is already done.

OP posts:
TuftyFinch · 04/10/2012 10:05

Yes Hully, I'm not kind if someone's a cunt. Those people are sent to try me.
I like the idea of shirt thrift.

EdMcDunnough · 04/10/2012 10:05

No Hully - I was just hedging my bets Smile in case other people see me that way.

I hope they don't but I'm not sure.

I have to go out and buy some wood, now.

MaryZed · 04/10/2012 10:06

What Sue said. It is rare that the "taking the piss and messing around" posters are deliberately offensive or unkind, unless the op is deliberately goading, winding up and trying to cause a bunfight.

There are posters on here who appear to pride themselves on their "blunt speaking" and feel they have a right to be rude to everyone. However, they tend to be rude to everyone rather than specifically bullying a particular poster. I don't have any time for the constantly obnoxious, the ones who feel they have a right to belittle anyone, any time, about anything.

I hope if I do that someone will call me on it. As I will do to others.

But bullying is the wrong word. Bullying implies ganging up and picking on one particular person, and I haven't seen much of that on here. When it does happen, the person is often challenged and/or banned.

ArtfulAardvark · 04/10/2012 10:07

My honest opinion? Mumsnet can be supportive if you have a problem and useful if you need an answer be it legal, technical, housekeeping whatever - if the question has not already been asked and answered already then it is probably one of the fastest moving forums I can think of.

But it can also be very judgemental and cliquey - I spent my childhood fighting my parents telling me what to do, have never allowed a man to and am certainly not about to let a bunch of women I donk know from adam tell me what I should and shouldnt be reading, watching, who I should be voting for, what I should think about immigration/integration etc.etc. There a views on here that are popular i.e. dont watch The Right Stuff, dont read the Mail (just two that spring to mind)

If someone has an opinion differing to mine and expresses it in an articulate and intelligent way I love that and have occasionally re-thought my opinion - try telling me I am wrong and what I should think and I will go off to another site and look at nail varnish!

SuePurblybilt · 04/10/2012 10:07

NOla has high stakes on this OP Grin. I will add my £22.

Ed - I didn't say or imply you at all. I said Po. I've not called you Po ever, not even aware that we've spoken before. If you stick your carrot in the nosebag of That Ilk then more power to you but it's your call, not mine.

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 10:08

Fascinating, Aardavrk

And a lovely use of bolding

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 10:08

I'll add a tenner

TuftyFinch · 04/10/2012 10:08

Can you get me some wood too Ed? I'm a cold.

EdMcDunnough · 04/10/2012 10:09

Can I just clarify, sorry, when I said about the not listening/talking among yourselves thing, I was picturing it happening in real life - like when you would go into the classroom and approach a group you thought were your mates, and say hi, and everyone would ignore you and keep talking to each other, or say something like 'did anyone hear anything?' when you speak.

It's a bit like that iyswim. And I think when that happens IRL it's a sort of bullying, and so it ought to be avoided on here, really, as well. Unless we're SURE the OP is tryingto get a rise/wind us up etc.

I mean it's happened to me before when I definitely wasn't goading or tyring to start a fight etc etc. It's really horrid.

anyway must go.

TuftyFinch · 04/10/2012 10:09

I'll add £3.56. I'm rich.

amillionyears · 04/10/2012 10:10

The people that bully as adults in RL have often been bullied as children.

NolaFfing · 04/10/2012 10:10

£64.56.

Quite the fortune these days.

C'mon, c'mon tell us who said it or link the thread and you'll get nearly £65.

EdMcDunnough · 04/10/2012 10:10

oh thanks sue Smile

Last post in response to Mary's, btw. just a clarification.

Will get you some Tufty Smile

NolaFfing · 04/10/2012 10:11

£68.12

SuePurblybilt · 04/10/2012 10:11

There are posters on here who appear to pride themselves on their "blunt speaking" and feel they have a right to be rude to everyone. However, they tend to be rude to everyone rather than specifically bullying a particular poster. I don't have any time for the constantly obnoxious, the ones who feel they have a right to belittle anyone, any time, about anything.

Yes indeed, this. Blunt Speakers and People Being Right on the Internet right boil my piss. Funny though, that if I complained or called them on it it would be a personal attack - being as it is part of their nature to be twatty. It's open season on posting style at the other end of the spectrum though. Odd.

LaQueen · 04/10/2012 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigStickBIWI · 04/10/2012 10:12

Ardvaark - but you really shouldn't be reading the Daily Mail Wink

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 04/10/2012 10:12

tjah04
The person who called you that should have been reported. Its a personal attack and not allowed.

There are some instances when people who haven't read the whole thread keep hammering an OP when the thread has moved on but normally other posters call them on it. The only threads where I have seen a real pile in is where the thread really doesn't feel right e.g. recent benefit bashing threads and people deliberately set out to frustrate the perceived intention of the OP.

I would only call a deliberate goader /troll poster out on their spelling and that would be for effect. Oh and I sometimes correct my own mistakes.

Toughasoldboots · 04/10/2012 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaQueen · 04/10/2012 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigStickBIWI · 04/10/2012 10:14

Ed:

Can I just clarify, sorry, when I said about the not listening/talking among yourselves thing, I was picturing it happening in real life - like when you would go into the classroom and approach a group you thought were your mates, and say hi, and everyone would ignore you and keep talking to each other, or say something like 'did anyone hear anything?' when you speak.

This is a common misperception of MN, usually expressed by newbies. (I'm sorry - I don't know if you're a newbie/how long you've been here). It doesn't happen like this; usually if you don't get a reply, it's because the thread is fast-moving. And the best way to over-come it on MN is to keep posting!

Just as you have done here, and people have engaged with you/responded to your posts.

MaryZed · 04/10/2012 10:15

I do see what you mean about the derailing Ed, but it does tend to happen (mostly anyway) when the op is being deliberately goady (like here) or when the op has been given good advice but chosen to ignore it, or the op has been told they are being unreasonable and decided that everyone else is wrong.

It also happens (ime) only in chat and aibu. It rarely if ever happens when the op has a genuine problem and is looking for advice/help. There is advice/support/help by the bucketload over this entire board - and much of it comes from the people who have the time to chat to each other, to get to know each other and actually spend far too much time on here Blush.

The aggressive insulters are too busy insulting to waste their valuable time supporting and advising and helping.

I have a spreadsheet

NolaFfing · 04/10/2012 10:16

The talking amongst yourself thing is surely just posters seeing one another on a thread and having a chat? How does that take anything away from anyone else on the thread? Confused

People complain and whine about the quiche threads as well.

I think those who bang on about "the regulars" are far and away more bullying than anyone else around here TBH.

SuePurblybilt · 04/10/2012 10:16

Ah, not that LQ.
The jumping on every thread being all sanctimonious or being the expert on everything.
As far as I know you restrict yourself to paint, interiors and other matters of great importance Wink. Thus freeing more time for the fun stuff.

BigStickBIWI · 04/10/2012 10:16

... and, yes, people do 'talk amongst themselves' - it's because after a number of years of being here, people form friendships. Why shouldn't I talk directly to someone on a thread, if I know them? I am not trying to exclude any other poster by doing that. It's an inevitability of being on a forum for a long time. And I guarantee that a newbie poster will do exactly the same once she/he has also been here for a while and built up friendships with other posters.