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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think that the bullying culture on MN can be a bit much....

999 replies

tjah04 · 04/10/2012 08:50

Having been a member of MN since 2003 I have seen and read some disgusting comments from other members particuarly on this board.

I am starting to think that some of these people must be very sad and insecure.

Some of the names that are called are disgusting and I am sure that these people would never go up to someone in RL and call them that.

And do not get me started on the "I am better than you because I can spell" attitude which seems to be the final insult if all else fails.

Other comments include

"troll" "Oh not another thread" etc.

It is cyber bullying at the end of the day and as mothers shouldn't we all just grow up a bit? The MN team do a great job of deleting such posts but often the OP has seen it and the damage is already done.

OP posts:
Original poster
tjah04 · 04/10/2012 09:23

Hullygully. I could not give a monkeys about ablative absolutes.

And that is my point right there!

qo, Good point on definition of words. In hindsight "mentality" would be a better word that "culture"

OP posts:
EdMcDunnough · 04/10/2012 09:23

There is an element of bullying on here.

I've been subject to it; I hesitate to admit it but I've been part of it, too. But always kind of reeled it in, as I felt awful for that.

It's easy to get drawn in sometimes. It's a safety in numbers kind of thing.

But being on the receiving end is hideous. And I agree that it's part of MN standard copy...you can find it most days if you look.

I try and avoid the people who do it most often. That's all you can do - or say something at the time.

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 09:24

Well you should give a monkey's something.

They are rare and underused and yet delightfully light of touch and subtle in their myriad effects.

cbeebiesatemybrain · 04/10/2012 09:25

Actually I have noticed this a few times and been on the receiving end of it too. Certain popular posters will disagree with the op or question what they are saying then others will pile in saying they were thinking the same thing. Then suddenly its like they are in competition with each other, who can come up with the snippiest comment or the funniest insult and the poor op gets pasted! It reminds me a lot of being back in the playground.

EdMcDunnough · 04/10/2012 09:25

Hully you're kind of doing it now?

It's hard to tell if you're being funny, or if you're being hostile. iyswim

perhaps I just have a rubbish sense of humour, but I can't work it out.

Whitecherry · 04/10/2012 09:25

The posters who get 'bullied' are usually the ones starting inflammatory threads..... Benefit bashing, disabled etc.... They are given shirt thrift by regulars

And MNHQ see inflammatory posting as goading

So it's not as innocent as you might think. Some people know which buttons to press to wind MNers up!

SuePurblybilt · 04/10/2012 09:27

As a mother I too am discusted by the childish and RUDE comments I receive on this board.
But because I have pushed a person out of my vagina, I am considerably more mature than some of youse and will not be sinking to your level of name calling and horridness.

Original poster
tjah04 · 04/10/2012 09:27

I gave my monkeys nuts to my real monkey that I bought with the money that I earned when I wasn't at school learning about absolute thingimijigs Smile

OP posts:
Whitecherry · 04/10/2012 09:27

Oh yes, op, not everyone here is a 'mother'

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 09:27

I'm deffo bullying.

I likes a bit of bullying in the morning.

BigStickBIWI · 04/10/2012 09:28

If you have really been on MN since 2003 you will know that this is a pointless OP. It's also a ridiculous (or should that say rediculous?) assertion.

Bullying is something that is a sustained campaign against one person, and does not happen often on the boards. (Although I believe it does, occasionally, happen - I have seen one particular poster constantly pick on another; she is now, I believe, banned)

Calling someone on their posts or being rude to them, whilst often unpleasant, is not bullying. And it is, sometimes, deserved.

Where I do agree with you is that AIBU has created its own, horrible culture, where picking on people and jumping on their posts with gay abandon seems to have become the norm. The same people live there and their immediate retort when challenged is that "well this is AIBU - you shouldn't have posted here if you didn't want this kind of reply". It's almost become a sport for some of the AIBU Dwellers.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 04/10/2012 09:29
Shock

Sue!

Will nobody think of the women who've had c-sections?!

SuePurblybilt · 04/10/2012 09:30

I bullied, didn't I? Bugger.

50smellsofshite · 04/10/2012 09:30

I agree to a certain extent. I've been here as long as you and still cringe when the first few posts on the thread are "not this again" or "didn't we just discuss this?". Some people don't spend 16 hours a day 7 days a week on here.

For me the problem is that there are a core of people who spend large amounts of time on here who do feel "in charge" and feel they can say what they want. I suppose it's just a form of entitled behaviour.

All this and on some of the more controversial threads is just plain rude. Similar to slowing down at an accident, not wanting to offer first aid but filming on your phone to share on youtube to have a laugh with your mates later.

But I LOVE the lack of moderation. I love the cunting and fucking and bollocking. I adore the lack of hun, hubby and bubs. I hate tickers with a vengeance and couldn't go back to a site that had them now Smile

I personally think, on balance, this site is an absolute marvel.

I just wish people were a little bit kinder, but then I think that about life in general too...

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 09:31

AND WHAT ABOUT THE MENZ?

Will no one think of the menz?

FoofyShmooffer · 04/10/2012 09:31

Gah, BIWI got there first.

Yes. What ^ she ^ said.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 04/10/2012 09:31

You big bully. You and your child-pushing vagina.

I bet you didn't even check if the child wanted pushing, did you? Hmm

EdMcDunnough · 04/10/2012 09:31

I disagree Biwi - to some extent.

I think when posters who 'know' each other come together on a thread and just simply MOCK the OP - like what's happening right here, is a defensive action and it is really hard to break through.

It's like saying 'whatever, shut up, la la la we're not listening'

It's so rude. Every poster (apart from trolling sorts) deserves to be given a fair hearing and be taken seriously - and if you can't or won't take them seriously, then it's wrong to post in this way.

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 09:32

50smells

you reap what you sow, I see loads of kindness where it's warranted and less short-shriftedness where it's equally warranted.

HecateHarshPants · 04/10/2012 09:32

There are some unkind comments for no reason, yes, and those are deleted, or self policed by other people challenging them. There are also some posts that deserve outraged comments. Let's not forget that. If, for example, someone starts a thread about how should be then, frankly, I think they deserve all the foul names they get, and any cries of bullying are totally missing the point. As ye sow, so shall ye reap and all that. You cannot look at responses in isolation. You must look at everything.

But I think that the good far outweighs the bad and the support that can be found here is fantastic and I would hate people to focus on the negative and let that overshadow the positive.

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 09:33

Ed - if someone posts you lot are a load of rude cunts who should do what I say

They are quite likely to get the piss taken

Frankly it's a generous response

BigStickBIWI · 04/10/2012 09:33

But we're not coming together! That's what's so silly about it. I happen to be saying one thing, Poster B is saying something similar. It's not like I'm messaging/e-mailing/phoning Poster B to agree on our campaign.

And if lots of people are agreeing/saying similar things, then perhaps an OP is wrong.

qo · 04/10/2012 09:34

And here it goes again, picking up on wording & semantics rather than the actual debate that the OP had hoped for!

Agree with EdMcDunnough post.

EdMcDunnough · 04/10/2012 09:35

But she didn't say that Hully. She said there is some bullying, there are some rude people.

Not 'you are a bunch of rude cunts and should do what I say'.

Yes I can see why this particular OP is meeting with a defensive response - but I don't think it helps. I think if we say 'right, yes, you have a point - what can be done' it might open up a reasonable discussion - and yes Biwi some posts have been really reasonable and genuine.

But some have just sought to squash the topic entirely by being randomly silly.

OhChristFENTON · 04/10/2012 09:36

Where are the examples of actual bullying though? I mean those incidents that are not simply a handful of posters having the same opinion that another poster is being a bit of a dick.

Because I'm sure if someone was really being treated harshly then other posters would jump on the ones doing the harm.

And why not OP, if you genuinely thing someone is getting a hard time, why not challenge that yourself on the thread at the time? Or do you do this - we can't see if you do because you've namechanged to post this thread.