To think that the bullying culture on MN can be a bit much....

[tjah04]

Having been a member of MN since 2003 I have seen and read some disgusting comments from other members particuarly on this board.

I am starting to think that some of these people must be very sad and insecure.

Some of the names that are called are disgusting and I am sure that these people would never go up to someone in RL and call them that.

And do not get me started on the "I am better than you because I can spell" attitude which seems to be the final insult if all else fails.

Other comments include

"troll" "Oh not another thread" etc.

It is cyber bullying at the end of the day and as mothers shouldn't we all just grow up a bit? The MN team do a great job of deleting such posts but often the OP has seen it and the damage is already done.

Oh, and later baffled as she was getting all over the boards.
If she comes on and says she felt bullied by that, I shall eat all of your hats.

It is not OK because MNHQ delete said posts. They should not happen in the first place.

I've had a post deleted because I told someone they were the rudest poster I'd ever seen on MN. While I agree that's an emphatic view, it was 1) accurate and 2) not what I'd call a personal attack, though I appreciate I don't think someone being called rude is an attack. I mean, it's more a statement, on this place.

Honestly, I've seen really mild posts ("you're being utterly ridiculous and rather stupid if you think XYZ") deleted because the person aimed at complained, and their own really strident attacks remaining because nobody reports them, and more experienced posters tend not to, I think, because they'd rather people's own words condemned them.

I don't know. I'm not denying bullying and pileons occur, not at all, but I do think sometimes people feel: there are groups of people having pally in-jokes which do not include me, and that's probably true 'nuff at times. But there's nothing actually wrong with friends having pally injokes. It's not exclusionary of itself unless the target is a third party (that is bullying). It's just a tangent. Not being part of a group of friends is just life - and I say that as someone who's never belonged to any mumsnet group, but hasn't ever been bullied, either.

I also think there's a difference between some weirdly invested responses, and being bullied. I've namechanged for AIBU before, and I've not liked all the replies I've had (go figure, as they say across the Pond) but it would be risible to call that experience bullying. Bullying simply is not a purely subjective experience. If it were, paranoia would not be a medical condition.

sidles in Hello Tantrums! runs off

I should add that that rudest poster had 2/3 or 3/4 of her own posts deleted, on a 500+ thread. So saying she was the rudest poster I'd ever seen - yeah. Not an evidence free assertion.

I am whimsical and I love random shite.
I'm not really sorry I talked about paint on a non-paint thread though because I'm human. If no-one wanted to talk about paint everyone would have just ignorned it. As it is,we had a brief chat about paint. It'snot the end of the world is it? Nothing exploded. We don't all know each other. We are just people the same as other people. I think it's called talking. The way people do. If this were the forum for discussing world peace or paint it might be annoying if someone started talking about sofas. But it still wouldn't be the end of the world.
My pie was lovely.
My socks are warm.
Oh look, there goes Concord again.

What has happened on this thread is what always happens - it ends up being about the regulars - usually because posters with axes in sore need of a grinding make it that way. The only really nasty posts I have seen on here have been from trolls/randoms/people since banned.

Read Tee's whole thread.
The whole thread is there for people to read.

She hid the thread. Read Fri 18.39pm on that thread.

Thing is, if people mind tangential exchanges between friends, and feel excluded by them... post! There's no secret handshake needed first. It's not like you have to have your posting rights stamped by a committee. You don't need to have Come Out via a curtsy to Justine at MNHQ first. Just join the fuck in, if you want to.

Tbh the thing that most pisses me off about the frequency of bullying accusations is that it gets a lot harder to step in when someone is bullied, because it starts to be a crying wolf scenario. Bullying is quite a weighty accusation, IMO. Or at least, it should be.

SuePurblybilt,you mean you all didnt check she was ok afterwards?
I always assumed that when one of you fell out,you made sure you were all ok with each other afterwards.

Who are the Po?

I think I will stop posting on this thread soon,else I myself may be accused of something or other.

Amillionyears, I don't do anything dangerous these days! . No, not Media Ops, currently working in HR, although I've done a short stint of Media previously (one of the joys of quite often being the only female in a Regt of males). I've also worked in Intelligence, Training and as a PA amongst other things. I have to give briefings a lot, to all ranks, all levels of understanding and intelligence - I've even done the 'Hearts and Minds stuff to kids. Makes my job interesting!

When you see the same people coming onto every thread like this with the same gripe about regulars then yes, it all becomes a bit axe-y.

Wow,you are one talented lady.
And probably brave too.
Well done.

Tbh the thing that most pisses me off about the frequency of bullying accusations is that it gets a lot harder to step in when someone is bullied, because it starts to be a crying wolf scenario. Bullying is quite a weighty accusation, IMO. Or at least, it should be

YY - couldn't agree more.

SuePurblybilt,you mean you all didnt check she was ok afterwards?
I always assumed that when one of you fell out,you made sure you were all ok with each other afterwards.

What the actual fuckity does this even mean? Do you mean has Tee 'spoken' to people who were on her side on that thread since? Certainly, yes.
But as we're not in the cosy gang you seem to imagine, I can't say more than that or speak for any of the other posters on MN.

You're not making very much sense at all, you know.

Then that's just dandy, innit?

I'm not at all sure why you would think it was about you.

Well I do think that, so I am impressed by your psychic powers. Like the Derek Most Haunted of the interwebs.
But what I said was that I see the same posters with axes to grind on these threads all the time.

I don't really know Tee - just spotted her about and she seems a good sort. I only responded on that thread because the initial posters were being weird.

I am pretty fucking sure Tee didn't think I was bullying her.
Why doesn't one one who knows her ask her?

I've been here for ever.

I'm not in any clique, gang, FB gangy-up group (except the ones about the orange one, obvs.)

I have never felt bullied, intimidated etc. etc,

I have laughed so much I have peed a bit though.

Threads are like conversations. Join in if you want to be part of it. Read something else if you don't.

But for the love of Andre, don't whine because no-one is paying you nearly enough attention, or not giving you the kind of attention you want. That only serves to make you sound like a bit of a arse bam.

Theres loads of different posters on this thread

some know eachother

some don't

Some have axes

some don't

pick a group and insert yourself therein

Were you expecting that I single out individual posters that I don't mean?
So as MN has whatever- half a million users - and I was thinking of perhaps half a dozen, by your logic I should have named the other hundreds of thousands to be absolutely clear?
Anyway, I'm afraid I didn't notice you in any case. So I wouldn't have thought to exclude you from the 'sweeping' (actually quite specific) statement.