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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think that the bullying culture on MN can be a bit much....

999 replies

tjah04 · 04/10/2012 08:50

Having been a member of MN since 2003 I have seen and read some disgusting comments from other members particuarly on this board.

I am starting to think that some of these people must be very sad and insecure.

Some of the names that are called are disgusting and I am sure that these people would never go up to someone in RL and call them that.

And do not get me started on the "I am better than you because I can spell" attitude which seems to be the final insult if all else fails.

Other comments include

"troll" "Oh not another thread" etc.

It is cyber bullying at the end of the day and as mothers shouldn't we all just grow up a bit? The MN team do a great job of deleting such posts but often the OP has seen it and the damage is already done.

OP posts:
NolaFfing · 04/10/2012 15:41

Surely concerns about bullying behaviour should be reported to MNHQ rather than thrashing it out on here?

Same as troll hunting surely?

This sort of thread inevitably ends in a bad tempered spat, and what does it achieve really? If bullies are reading this then they're not going to say "Oh, yes, right best I stop stalking someone round the boards and sending them PM's and being a cunt!" are they? And all that actually happens it that certain posters take the opportunity to have a pop at "regulars" which can surely be considered as "bullying" in itself?

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 15:43

I agree Nola

Quite right

ClippedPhoenix · 04/10/2012 15:45

I always think this type of thread is because someone has had the shit ripped out of them and is asking for a bit of support. Nothing wrong with that.

Hullygully · 04/10/2012 15:47

I don't

MaryZed · 04/10/2012 15:49

[sigh]

I keep saying this on all of these threads.

If anyone sees me bullying anyone else on these boards, if anyone thinks that what I say is unfair or nasty, just tell me ffs.

ClippedPhoenix · 04/10/2012 15:50

I do

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/10/2012 15:50

I don't think these threads are for support at all tbh.

MissBetseyTrotwood · 04/10/2012 15:51

I disagreed politely, nicely and reasonably with one regular poster in a different area of Talk recently. I got a right rude sarky gobful back, I don't know why.

But because it's the internet I could shut the laptop and walk away. I'm sure if we'd had the same conversation face to face it would have gone differently. I've been really bullied, also by a manager at work, and it was fucking horrible and relentless, nothing like what happens here.

Graceless and unnecessarily rude sometimes? Yes, definitely, but not bullies imo.

OhChristFENTON · 04/10/2012 15:53

Completely agree with Nola there, too.

And I don't think this thread was about getting support at all, it was about discrediting MN 'regulars' who actually are wonderful and quite the opposite to regular twats.

NolaFfing · 04/10/2012 15:54

Do you clipped? AIBU is a bear pit! Someone who has been here since 2003 would know that wouldn't they? AIBU is the worst place to come for some support.

I think it sounds like the person who called the OP a dyslexic cunt - actually you were there, was it a regular/known poster or a trollish one? DId lots of people smile and agree? Were they regular/known posters?

Just out of interest, like.

MaryZed · 04/10/2012 15:54

Clipped, if she wanted support, she could have posted on the thread, or been much more specific about what had upset her.

Instead of announcing that there is a bullying culture on mumsnet.

Had she posted in chat that she was a bit upset at being called a certain name, she would have got agreement.

There is one of these posts at least once a week. Normally they go nasty and get deleted. The reason this one hasn't is that it was taken in relatively good part by the people who are being attacked and called bullies, who then tried to lighten the mood and cheer everyone up.

Only to get called on for doing that too [baffled]

imo these threads appear when someone who is totally unreasonable has posted an aibu and been told they are unreasonable. They don't like it, so rather than admit they are wrong, they call everyone bullies and accuse them of ganging up.

ClippedPhoenix · 04/10/2012 15:56

I do.

The OP had a horrid time on the thread mentioned, if I were her I would feel very upset too. People were jumping in right left and centre. Everything was turned round on her, it was awful to read let alone be the person the shit was being slung at.

There are nasty bastards on here so why can't threads be started about them?

LtEveDallas · 04/10/2012 15:57

if 40 people piled in on here and started to post abuse at you,you would feel something

Of course people would - but that hasn't happened on this thread - and I would be happy to say ever on MN.

40 people do NOT pile in and post abuse. It would NOT be allowed. It would NOT happen.

Just like I believe that the "Dyslexic Cunt" comment did NOT happen the way the OP portrayed it, if at all.

Calling someone that is acting like a prat, "A prat" is not piling in and posting abuse. MNHQ would say it was a PA, but it's simply calling someone a twat - it's not abuse and it's not bullying.

ClippedPhoenix · 04/10/2012 15:57

Best we agree to disagree Mary. There are bullying arses on here and no amount of debating will make me change my mind.

Stalemate.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/10/2012 15:58

It always comes down to this. No one is allowed to disagree with the "regulars" And if they do they are being bullied.

It's the same ridiculous argument time after time.

Do people honestly think the only reason they are being told they sound like a twat is because they disagree with a regular poster?

Maybe it's because the point you made actually did make you sound like a twat?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/10/2012 16:00

If you were on this bullying thread, please clarify what happened.

NolaFfing · 04/10/2012 16:01

So, were these posters (the original cunt caller) and the agreeers regular/known posters?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/10/2012 16:01

No one wants to answer those questions do they?

GoSakuramachi · 04/10/2012 16:02

Everyone's been called a twat on aibu.

Those with whiny ass babyish victim mentalities cry "Bully!" and the rest of us don't.

It's that simple.

MaryZed · 04/10/2012 16:02

But where, Clipped.

There are loads of threads saying this, and God knows I spend enough time on here, but when I ask for specifics everyone just says "oh we all know it happens, I don't have to show you where".

I have seen people here being absolute cunts, and nasty, and passive aggressive, and po-faced, and lots of things. But that isn't bullying, it's being nasty. Lots of individual posters are nasty, and even some nice posters are nasty sometimes (on certain topics or if they are in a bad mood).

What I don't agree about is that there is a group of regulars who specifically gang up unchallenged on lots of threads in order to bully perfectly nice op's. I don't agree, because I've never seen it. So I don't believe there is an accepted culture of bullying on Mumsnet.

I just don't.

Toughasoldboots · 04/10/2012 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClippedPhoenix · 04/10/2012 16:04

sorry, not meaning to disappear, forgot I've got a doctors appt Shock

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/10/2012 16:05

Yes. That is exactly it.

NolaFfing · 04/10/2012 16:05

I'm not saying that there aren't nasty bastards here BTW. I've been called lots of names in the past. What I don't agree with is that it's bullying, that it's by regulars and that it's endemic

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/10/2012 16:06

And still no clarification of the thread in question or any other examples.

Swipe left for the next trending thread