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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find this quite horrifying?

115 replies

BasicallySFB · 02/10/2012 17:55

Friend has posted on FB:

'Dear Jim
Can you fix it for me to go out with a girl from my class?
Love Jeremy Forrest, Aged 30'

Said friend is a police officer :(

I'm horrified. De-friended him.

Great that we still live in a society where jokes cn be made about rape and child abuse. Fucking awful.

OP posts:
fotheringhay · 02/10/2012 18:41

Tactless, I call it.

I'm a big fan of tact.

londonone · 02/10/2012 18:42

Halloweeney -don't even get me started on that! The idea that the government has any say in ones personal life is rather scary IMO .

Spatsky · 02/10/2012 18:42

Halloween you need to relax enough to read the whole post. I said in my opening line he made a mistake putting it on Facebook, exactly th point youre shouting at me about!

aldiwhore · 02/10/2012 18:42

Its gallows humour and privately it is understandable... sick yes, but that is what gallows humour is.

As a police office though, he will get a ROYAL bollocking for having his profile so public. Rightly so. It's not a joke everyone would find amusing and is deeply offensive, I forgive this humour from the police on account of the absolute shite they have to deal with and cope with... but in private.

londonone · 02/10/2012 18:43

The thing is halloweeney as you have acknowledged yourself, many people have conversations that fall foul of those codes everyday, but we don't expect friends and colleagues to go running to our managers! Maybe your colleagues do!

Original poster
BasicallySFB · 02/10/2012 18:44

Also a good point procrastinator - I've found the JS and JF recent reports really disturbing, at different levels and for various reasons - so suspect I'm personalising my reaction to the 'joke'. Also get that not everyone shares my sense of humour either - so, for example, I find Lee Evans hilarious but can't stand Frankie Boyle and have mates who are complete opposite - just toally not what I expected from this person I think too.

Lots to think about tho, thanks!

OP posts:
londonone · 02/10/2012 18:46

Aldi we don't know that his profile was public, he may have tight security settings and consider the op to be a good friend who can be trusted motto blab things all over the Internet. Unfortunately it seems he was wrong. Would it be different if he had said it in the pub, maybe?

Original poster
BasicallySFB · 02/10/2012 18:47

Maybe it is disturbing because of the public-ness too. They have over 380 friends - bot sure of privacy settings obv - but I know FB has been an issue in various professional misconduct hearings. The public / private and professionalism is a tricky one which I'm not sure I know enough about re police force (hence wouldn't have reported).

OP posts:
londonone · 02/10/2012 18:48

Yep he needs to tighten his security!

solidgoldbrass · 02/10/2012 18:49

That's a very good point: does he (like quite a lot of my friends) have a 'friends' FB profile for jokes and fun and a 'clean' one for public viewing? I am also of the opinion that public servants are entitled to a private life which can include, if they wish, group sex, dope smoking and making tasteless jokes.

MrSunshine · 02/10/2012 18:50

Does anyone actually have a public profile? Why would you do that? Confused

Original poster
BasicallySFB · 02/10/2012 18:50

God I struggle to maintain 1 profile and remember all my passwords!!

OP posts:
londonone · 02/10/2012 18:50

And sometimes all three simultaneously!

Ephiny · 02/10/2012 18:53

It's in bad taste, but 'horrifying' seems like an over-reaction to me.

It's a joke making fun of the abusers not the victims - I know some will find it unacceptable to make jokes about the subject at all, but to me at least that makes a difference.

YANBU to de-friend the person though, or anyone who posts stuff that offends or annoys you.

Smeghead · 02/10/2012 18:53

Aldi I didnt see that his FB was public, the OP was one of his friends and has now defriended him and cant see it so presumably, it is a "friends only" page. I would be very surprised that a serving officer would have a public page, my friend has his FB under an assumed name because he works in a very sensitive area of policing and doesnt want to be targetted by families of people he has dealt with.

halloweeneyqueeney · 02/10/2012 18:54

"I am also of the opinion that public servants are entitled to a private life which can include, if they wish, group sex, dope smoking and making tasteless jokes."

the problem with this is people are reluctant enough to report, and seeing something like this (if you are already wobbling) IS going to affect how you feel you will be treated by the profession as a whole, chances are that at some point someone on a friend list of over 300 is going to have something sensitive to report to the police and this is the kind of thing that does stick in your mind when making that decision!

its like when the nurse was struck off for being an escort, the NMC was clear that it was NOT because she was an escort, but because one of the services she advertised was "naughty nurse" role play which contributed to an attitude towards the whole profession, and attitudes nurses faced in the workplace IYKWIM

mrsminerva · 02/10/2012 18:54

So many 'reporters', it's like living in East Germany during the Communist times! I despair of what this country has become when people can't even make a joke without invoking the Stazi.

halloweeneyqueeney · 02/10/2012 18:56

yeah lets go back to them good old turn-a-blind-eye days Hmm they were awesome!

Smeghead · 02/10/2012 18:57

Or perhaps we could go back to the days when people didnt go totally over the top at an ill judged, off the cuff comment. that would be awesome.

londonone · 02/10/2012 18:59

Christ halloweeney you really are the thought police. Not only are you able to judge people's actions yourself, to you own standards, you are also able to predict the impact it will have on others.

Original poster
BasicallySFB · 02/10/2012 18:59

epiphany that's the point that solidgoldbrass made - I'd not seen it like that and can see how it can be viewed that way. For me (and me only!) it oversteps a line in terms of humour, and isn't something I find funny - but can see how viewing it the other way can be maybe about making something awful manageable if that makes sense - like all 'gallows humour' I guess.

Yep maybe horrifying was an over-reaction (tho my only RL reaction was to de-friend) - finding it personally disturbing perhaps.

OP posts:
fotheringhay · 02/10/2012 19:04

I agree with this "It is going to affect how you feel you will be treated by the profession as a whole."

Not everyone, I'm sure, but maybe for some vulnerable people.

Bunbaker · 02/10/2012 22:27

I think it is simply unfunny and in poor taste. I don't know if I would defriend or report the perpetrator unless it was for telling "jokes" that are simply not funny.

LivvyPsMum · 02/10/2012 22:42

Over reaction or what?! Not funny, but not horrifying!

AViewfromtheFridge · 02/10/2012 23:09

I have only just realised that the Jim in the OP is Jimmy Saville. Some of the posts make a lot more sense now!