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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think our lie-ins are inequal?

44 replies

familyfun · 02/10/2012 14:55

im a sahm, dp works full time.
mon-fri we are both up between 6 and 6.30 as dd2 wakes up early and dp is going to work.
so we agreed that on weekends and holidays we would split the lie-ins.

on dps lie-in, i take the dds down in our pjs so dp stays asleep, i feed them and keep them downstairs till dp wakes usually 9am, then i take them upstairs and dress them and me while dp gets a peaceful breakfast, then i play with the dds while dp gets dressed.

on my lie-in, he plonks dd2 in bed with me while he gets dressed so im fully awake as she is 22 months, he then feeds dds downstairs, when i get up he goes upstairs and messes about/tidies up a bit so im left with both dds while trying to eat, then as he is already dressed he stays downstairs alone while i take dds up to get us all dressed.

im probably being petty as i get a lie in but i hate that he wakes me instaed of taking dd2 down and i feed and dress the dds all week so wish he could at least dress one of them once at the weekend.

just feel like once im up i always have 2 dds with me and he goes about his day without worrying. if hes going to the doctors/dentist be books it after work and goes alone. if i have to go i take 2 dds with me. etc.

im whinging i know.

OP posts:

mycatoscar · 02/10/2012 15:09

Yanbu, a lay in is not so great if you get fully woken before you get it. If you we're to do exactly what he does next time it's his turn would he be annoyed? I think I'd be trying it

myflabberisgasted · 02/10/2012 15:13

On the days my DH has a lie in, I get myself up and my DS (2.4) and I either stay in my pjamas until he gets up or take my clothes onto the landing so I can get dressed there without disturbing DH.

On my lie in days my DH does the same as me and gets his clothes ready the night before and gets dressed on the landing - is this something you could suggest to your DH?

YANBU at all, a lie in is not a lie in if you get woken up first!

Paiviaso · 02/10/2012 15:13

It does sound completely unfair. Have you told him this? He might not have noticed that he is being very selfish, and he might not realise you make an effort to make sure he isn't bothered before he wakes.

Agree if he isn't getting it, to give him a taste of his own medicine!

ChunkyPickle · 02/10/2012 15:20

YANBU. I have the same discussion with DP. I let him get up when he wakes up, whereas he sends DS in to wake me up when he gets bored/lonely/wants to go out (this can be any time from 7:30)

bigpantspam · 02/10/2012 15:22

I wake as soon as our Dd does and it takes a freight train to wake my husband so I never get a sleep through lie in. On the few occasions he has taken her downstairs and I've managed to get back to sleep, it's guaranteed either he or ds will leave the bloody stairgate open and she's up like a flash!

PiedWagtail · 02/10/2012 15:23

Have you told him this?? YANBU - but sometimes you need to point things out!!

Nagoo · 02/10/2012 15:25

YANBU but tell him that you expect to be left to stay asleep or you will do the same to him that he does to you.

ClippedPhoenix · 02/10/2012 15:25

YANBU, tell him to do the same as you in the future, if not you'll do do what he does.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/10/2012 15:26

Why does he book it after work and you book it during? You work, it's called two children. Book after he gets home and go then.

And, as a compromise, you could say take the DC downstairs and they can hang out in pyjamas until you get up. I say that because, lovely and on board as DH is, he likes dressing DD in nylon basketball shorts and football shirts. No reason for a DC to be in bed with you on your lie-in.

Haylebop12 · 02/10/2012 15:27

What's a lie-in?

HeidiHole · 02/10/2012 15:27

I don't really understand why you don't either tell him, or do it to him so he realises what it's like!

WildWorld2004 · 02/10/2012 16:57

If you have told him this & he is still doing it i would do what he does to you when it is his day off.

My dd is at an age where she is old enough to go down the stairs & put the tv on by herself.

AThingInYourLife · 02/10/2012 17:06

Why do you keep being so considerate of his lie in when he doesn't make much effort for yours?

Don't bother your arse making sure he isn't woken, he obviously doesn't think it matters.

Book your appointments in the evenings and tell him he needs to be home.

Don't be a martyr about this stuff.

Ephiny · 02/10/2012 17:10

YANBU, but can't you just tell ask him not to do it?

Original poster

familyfun · 02/10/2012 20:51

i thought you would all tell me iabu and to stop moaning, im shocked you all agree with me
i am going to ask him to put clothes out on the landing this weekend so he doesnt need to come in our room with dd2.

OP posts:

prettysunset · 02/10/2012 21:01

I feel very lucky-on my (few and far between) lie-ins I can stay until 9ish on a Sat/Sun until rugby/dancing/footy...on DH lie-ins the kids pester from t+15mins 'can Daddy get up yet?' 'can we go and let him out of his room now?' 'Daddy, it's ok, you can get up!' Like it's a big punishment for him to be made to stay in bed!

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 02/10/2012 21:10

I think if you were to do the same to his lie ins he'd soon change his ways....

fufulina · 02/10/2012 21:15

Yanbu. If you split the lie ins, then they should be as equal as possible. For a while, on our lie in days, the other would go out with dd, because she would get up sooo early, and we live in quite a small flat. We'd be in the park/Starbucks by 7. Painful for the non lier in, but the lie in for the lier in was fabulous. Total peace!

Agree with other posters, tell him how it should work. Also completely agree that getting totally woken up defeats the object! Dreaming of proper lie ins, as still bf dd2, so although DH does his best, I do have to wake up to feed her first thing!

PenelopeChipShop · 02/10/2012 21:41

Yabu for mentioning lie-ins when I am YEARS away from being able to get one!

But seriously I see your point. Sounds like one of those things you're just going to have to spell out in words of one syllable!

Beamur · 02/10/2012 21:45

YANBU.
My DP was the same - really selfish about mornings, despite many conversations he never was fair. I'd suggest if your DP doesn't see the error in his way you simply stop letting him have a quiet lie in and bring both kids into bed with you and see how he likes it

steppemum · 02/10/2012 21:53

yanbu. We had same problem. My kids used to wake up and come into our bed. Except they come and climb all over me not us.

On dh lie-in, I got up and took them downstairs. By the time he gets up, all breakfasted dressed.etc
On my lie-in, I got climbed over until I was awake and kicked dh, then he got up. When I went down no-one had eaten etc.

We had several blazing rows talked about it and finally it improved. Now dcs go downstairs themsleves so he doesn't get up. I actually want him to get up, leave me on my own, bring me tea and then let me have peace, newspaper and radio for an hour. he thinks if I am awake then I am up. Time for another blazing row talk

Just sit down and tell him what you need. If that doesn't help, then do to him what he does to you.

Scholes34 · 02/10/2012 22:49

I don't see the point of a lie in unless you're awake to enjoy it. If I sleep in late, I've slept through an opportunity to lie in bed and read with a cup fo tea.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/10/2012 22:55

Scholes34 · 02/10/2012 22:58

Scholes certainly is a parent. Not getting up in the night any longer, but certainly up as early as OP in the week and at weekends.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/10/2012 23:09

In that case, I admire your energy! On my lie in mornings I pull duvet over my head & try to ignore the world (but pre-DS would have taken the tea & papers option)

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