To not want to wake my baby....?

[Saltytomato]

This is a genuine question and I am kind of hoping that I am being unreasonable!

My husband wants me to drive him to the train station every morning. We have a 4 month old baby who is still waking through the night and is usually asleep when my husband gets up, so this would mean waking him every morning and he finds it very hard to get back to sleep and only naps for 30-40 min blocks during the day.

My husband can take the car, we can afford for him to park at the station, he could walk (he said he would do to but it lasted a week) or get a taxi -this costs the same as parking at the station cos we are very close.

So do you think IABU for not wanting to wake up my baby for the sake of saving about £16 a week when we can easily afford it?

He is not a good dad. A good dad does not expect to drag his four month old baby put ina ll weathers to take him to the station every morning.
A good dad treats the mother of his child with respect.
A good dad says you both get some sleep, I am off to work see you later.
It is all so wrong.

Tell your mum she will help you again
But make a plan carefully he ain't gonna like it when you go or stand up to him....

I'd pick DH up from the station at 11pm when pregnant (20min drive into the town centre). Once we had DD he had to catch the connecting train for a 15min journey then face a 20min walk up the hill in all weathers.

In the winter, DH would drive the car to the location station, I'd pick up later and use during the day and then park back in the car park for DH to drive home. I would only pick him up from the local station if DD was awake or I knew in advance so DD would sleep in her travel grow bag and I'd pop her in the car seat asleep. Otherwise he would have to walk.

It was always what worked best for me and DD, not DH.

DD is now 3yo and we share getting up in the night if needed, we share getting up with DD at the weekends so we both get a lie in. This is what more normal couples with children do.

Sounds like you need to chat to your mum and take an extended holiday. I'd probably have a confidential chat with a solicitor too so you know what's involved should you decide to make a more permanent move.

Thanks so much for all your replies...this is what happened yesterday evening...

My DS has been a bit constipated so me and DH planned to go the to shops after he finished work and get some pear juice for DS (DH was working from home). So he finishes at 5, plonks himself on the couch and asks me to get him some jeans out so we can go to the shops. I calmly ask him to get them himself as I have to change our baby and get him in something warm. DH says, fine you can go by yourself then. I say fine and go and change the baby. He comes upstairs and explodes at me and to cut a long story short, I didn't back down for once. I told him I was sick of him treating me like a slave and he needed to start acting like an adult.

He ended up going to the shops and getting the juice and also picking something up for dinner (cos I said I wasn't going to cook after fighting with him for about 3 hours). Then he got out his own clothes for work!

This morning he shut the bedroom door whilst he was in the bathroom so it was quieter and I didn't get up, even when he asked me to get him some socks. So he is wearing his socks from yesterday.... I slept for another hour and a half and have a happy baby this morning who just went down for his nap without a tear and happily sang himself to sleep.

We agreed that if I needed the car, I would take him to the station, but if I was just going to be at home or using the pram, he would drive himself.

Feeling a lot happier. I also talked to him about setting a definite date to go home and some of the other issues I had been harbouring resentment towards him about. He gave our DS a bath last night and sat with me whilst I fed and changed him.... So I just hope that it lasts!

I would never have acted as quickly or strongly without your support. It means a lot :)

Well done for standing up for yourself :)

:)

well done.

I hope it does keep up.
and i'm glad you were able to stay calm.

well done salty, I hope that you are able to keep an eye not just on his behaviour but on yours - he's the kind who pushes and pushes until you give in, so keep on pushing back!

Well done Salty. Hope it continues that way. Be strong

Well done Salty.Good woman.

God sounds like you have 2 babies! You have to help him get dressed and drive him to the station? I would say ywbu if you did this for a teenager, let alone a grown man! He should be going out of his way to make things easier for you, not adding to your problems!

So proud of what you did Salty... its not always easy!!! The thing is that whilst you can't control his behaviour, you can always control yours... and that includes setting limits on what you will and won't tolerate.

Please do keep putting your foot down and staying strong. You are the protector of your own happiness, and it will do your son a world of good to see that both adults matter and have a say in a relationship.

Much love.

Just read your update. Well done you. Still think it's strange that he had to go to work in yesterday's socks just because you wouldn't get them for him. Does he not know where they are kept?!

mummy yeah he does know where they are kept, but the old ones were closer to where he was getting dressed.....

Thanks ladies, definitely going to stand up for myself from now on. I hate the thought of my son thinking that women should be treated like dirt, so I'm going to be a better role model for him.

well done.
keep it up, dont waver.

Salty
Good for you. Its a positive start - know your boundaries and stick to them.

Well done Salty! I'm so pleased to hear you stood up for yourself and refused to take the crap. Long may his reformed behaviour continue

Good for you, Salty. Onwards and upwards.

Well done. Keeping a consistent message going will also help you prepare for having a toddler