To not want to wake my baby....?

[Saltytomato]

This is a genuine question and I am kind of hoping that I am being unreasonable!

My husband wants me to drive him to the train station every morning. We have a 4 month old baby who is still waking through the night and is usually asleep when my husband gets up, so this would mean waking him every morning and he finds it very hard to get back to sleep and only naps for 30-40 min blocks during the day.

My husband can take the car, we can afford for him to park at the station, he could walk (he said he would do to but it lasted a week) or get a taxi -this costs the same as parking at the station cos we are very close.

So do you think IABU for not wanting to wake up my baby for the sake of saving about £16 a week when we can easily afford it?

YANBU, OP.

Is it me or is it just unbelievable and bloody depressing that grown men behave like this?

I know, I think I enable him to be really slack, I give into stuff so it doesn't cause an argument and I know I should put my foot down more often...

...he doesn't wake me up, I set the alarm for him and have to get him up so he won't be late cos otherwise he would just stayin bed!

I am making him sound terrible :(

Ok so the train station thing - tell him to walk, taxi, take the car whatever works for any given day but he's on his own
But... and I say this as someone who had an appalling sleeper and a noisy DH and who went ever so slightly mad/obsessed with her baby's sleep patterns .... stop shushing your DH, stop trying to keep him quite.
Firstly your baby does need to get use to noise and settling themselves - sounds like he's not learnt it yet and secondly its a very thin line between shushing and nagging! Yes ask your DH, yes explain to him but he's not the baby and he either needs to learn to be quieter or he never will and you can't shush him for the rest of his life not that I ever considered this an option, no not me!

Solola - could you say that again, I don't hear it very often

Does he have a reason?

I could see it if he gets panic attacks or something, rushing in the morning, but if he has no issues then I wouldn't do it.

Christ on a bike!!!!! Is he your ds or your husband????? Let him walk or whatever - make his own arrangements. FFS!!!!!

havering he is actually pretty good at dealing with noise (due to screaming next door neighbours) but isn't so good with loud bangs like cupboard doors being slammed. He can settle himself, but only sleeps for 30-40 mins after his nighttime sleep, he is only 4 months old so isn't brilliant at self settling either...

He sounds like a big baby, unable to get changed quietly or consider his wife's/babies needs. Tell him to get on his bike. The only excuse for not cycling is snow. Does it really matter that it's cold?

Right, I'm going to make an order now.

He sets his own alarm, he picks out his own clothes, he gets himself ready for work and he gets himself there.

Full stop.

you are enabling him to be a baby - he's a grown adult, and he needs to take responsibility for his own life.
Once he knows that you're being serious, then he won't do it anymore.
Don't have a discussion with him, just tell him that he's got to do it himself.
If he values his job and his marriage and family, he'll sort his neck out.

How ridiculous! I have a 3mo and would definitely not consider such a request for a second. I think a lot of men don't have any understanding of how tiring night feeding is. You need your sleep and so does your ds. I doubt anyone will say Yabu. You should show your dh this thead!

Don't get up with him either. Why are you doing it when you have such sleepless nights and a tiny baby? Are you a marter? He is perfectly capable of getting out of the house quietly. Why are you treating DH like a small child?

I feel your pain - DH couldnt make a cup of coffee without sounding like a performance of Stomp. But there will be many reasons why the baby isn't settling yet (all be it mainly its because he's a baby). But honestly dont pander to him, he can learn to be quiet or at least not slam the front door -- and if he can't , slam the door on your way out to visit some friends and leave him with the crying baby at the weekend, he'll soon work it out

Agree with Nick. Tell him he has to organise himself and give him the alarm. I'm so relieved my husband is nothing like this.

nickel he has always had a very traditional approach to marriage and parenting. I don't mind doing everything for our son, but it does make it hard with having to do everything for him too.

He says things like 'you are over the top and making me not enjoy being a dad' when I suggest him getting a taxi rather than me taking him. When I say that most mums wouldn't want to wake their baby he sas I am being ridiculous and that the baby has to fit around our life....

I really need to stand up to him, but he is very controlling if I am honest and starts huge fights when I don't agree with him or do what he asks

Jamie made a good point too. Is this kind of thing the example you want to set to your own son? That women go out of their way to make life easier for their men at significant cost to themselves?

sallly - please hold your ground and stop all this stupid getting up with him nonsense too.

Presumably he managed to heave his arse out of bed and dress himself before he met you?

OMG, do you have a husband or a teenage son? You get his clothes ready, you are his personal alarm and he wants a free taxi service.

He better have some major redeeming features!

Seriously, foot down time. You do not do any of these things for a fully grown (non-disabled, infirm, etc) adult. Start tomorrow. He does them. And if he bumps around making noise and wakes the baby, he stays long enough to settle him again. He'll soon learn to be quiet.

Oh, cross post. So he is very controlling .

The baby does need to fit around your life to some extent, but what he is saying is that your life should be making his easy and convenient. That is not a partnership, it's a dictatorship.

What you say worries me a bit, if I'm honest.

I used to work with someone who cycled to work every single day, even in the very worst weather. He had full on bright yellow waterproofs and had been knocked off at least once, but still cycled. I'm sure he had a car.
Tell your DH to man up!! My DH has just bought a shiny new road bike and loads of extras through the bike to work scheme.

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate your comments. I honestly have been putting up with it for so long that it has become normal. I will ask him to do stuff for himself from now on cos honestly, it would be easier for me to bea single mum with the amount of stuff I do for him....apart from financially.

he has always had a very traditional approach to marriage and parenting

Despite the fact that we aren't living in Victorian times and have long moved on from the days when it was a wife's job to do everything for her husband, it occurs to me that his approach is not so much "traditional" as it is controlling and selfish. Your problems appear to go a great deal deeper than merely driving him to work.

Wow. Yanbu!
Next you will be saying you make him a cooked breakfast before he leaves :)

I have a 7month old. DH leaves the house like a ninja. It's partly respect for the work (aka childcare) I'm doing all day!

I wouldn't do it for DH!

He gets up at 5 every day.
I used to get up to let the chickens out at about the same time, because it was me that wanted them, so I took responsibility.
when I was about 5 months pregnant, he started doing that too (and is still doing it).
He sets his own alarm, sorts out his own clothes, is as quiet as possible, sorts out the cats, makes himself breakfast and goes to work on his own.

Traditional approach to parenting is one thing - fine, take responsibility for the baby, but only the actual baby, not the Man-baby that you're married to.
His job can be to sort himself out.