To think bathing your children together at this age is not right

[Fishwife1949]

I was talking with my friends friend at her house on our friday lunch date we were talking about our children growing up aour kids are all of a similar age

My mates mate say she cant let go and stil
BATHS her children together (confused) she has a boy and a girl the girl is 11 and the boy is 9 WTF

I nearly spat out my tea

I really think this should end around 5 mark and maybe you could get away with a little later of there same sex

I rarely feel that I am unusual on MNet. However, my 2 dds aged 8 and 11 still quite often bathe together and SHOCK HORROR sometimes I jump in with them. More often than not I just sit and chat with them while they have their baths. It is a lovely relaxed time when they quite often open up about lovely or not so lovely things that have happened at school. I will stop as soon as either of them are not happy (they are both very capable of saying no!!)

My kids all bath together and they are 9, toddler and baby age. I think if they start to feel self conscious then they will probably want to bath on their own instead but for now we all walk around naked without a thought.

I don't see the problem. Good on them for not being bothered about their body. If only we could soon feel that comfortable!
My DS 7yo still shares with DD 3yo and sometimes I get in, tho DS has developed a habit of looking!

The thing that worries me is if the mum is still bathing them they probably dont have any choice in the matter.

I'm more surprised that anyone thinks it is necessary to bathe an 11 year old. Surely they should be able to take a bath without their mother being in attendance.

I used to speak to a strange (yes, she really was quite strange) lady at primary school who had a 9 year old son the last time i spoke to her. She said her and her son always had a bath together. Shocked was an understatement.

I really think some of you have unpleasant or hysterical minds. Yes theinets I'm talking to you.

Incest does not suddenly occur through siblings bathing with each other or seeing each other naked. Incest is learned abusive/inappropriate behaviour in a family where sexual abuse and incest has prevailed through other generation.

Unless children are being forced to co-bath at this age or there is some other dysfunction afoot, what the fuck's the problem?

My nearly 11 year old ds is very mature in many ways but young in others. It's not occurred to him yet to want privacy/separate baths from dd, aged 8.

Recently they have been playing Olympics swimming races in the bath with their Action Men, because, errrr, they are still children.

But maybe I tell him to cover his body up from now on, stop having fun with his sister and explain to him what incest is yes?

But do these children have a choice?

Everyone is just assuming that if they didn't want to do this they would just say so and mum would stop bathing them and making them do it together.

Um yeah, because that's how it works?

It doesn't sound like they have a choice in the matter.

My DDs aged 12 and 9 sometimes still have a bath together. Tbh it's a pretty tight squeeze and not much washing goes on (not enough room for much water!) but they have a right old laugh. I sometimes go in and sit with them and chat and they have all sorts of games and a good old chat and a fine old time. It usually ends when one complains about the sharpness of the others elbows.

They are really close, love spending time together and I have never, until this moment, thought it was odd

And having now read the rest of the thread, I see its not that unusual

Where does the OP say or imply that the children don't have a choice amberleaf?

And while I'm at it, where does OP say the mother bathes the children as others have assumed?

My children aren't forced to bath together. Ususally one of my dd's are in the bath and their little brother wanders into the bathroom and decides to climb in the bath. I only supervise the 4 year old, the 8 and 11 year old can manage themselves.

I would like to point out, having only read the first page of responses, that I had a bath with my sister when I was pregnant - so I was 25 and she was 21.

Just sayin'

Pervert Sero!

Hmm I remember asking if I could have a bath alone and remember feeling a bit embarrassed asking. I would try and pre-empt those feelings in my old children.
I would say 7 and 9 would be the cut off for me.

Proud, where does it say that they do have a choice?

It doesn't say yet everyone assumes all they need do is express that they don't want to and it wont happen anymore.

Only on Mumsnet!

A mates mate, in a casual social situation mentions bathing kids together and it becomes mother runs bath, sits there, washes them, giving them no choice. A phrase along the lines of bathing the kids together could mean anything. The only unnerving thing is the image of The OP trying to stop spluttering on her tea.

My 11 yr old sometimes has a bath alone and sometimes jumps in with my 5 yr old. They have a lovely time.

It's ridculous to say that there is an automatic cut off age. I really wonder what goes one in some mumsnetters minds

I really wonder what goes one in some mumsnetters minds

Yep cos that's where all the bad stuff happens....if we don't think it, its all ok.

What's bad about siblings taking a bath together? Does the sight of somebody's tummy, bottom or elbow turn you in to a sexual deviant now?

With me it was that I was beginning to feel self conscious and felt even more self conscious articulating that. I know if Mum had realised she would have stopped shared baths. However, they were part of the routine in our family.

My Mum and sis both started their periods at 10 and though I developed later I think 9 is s sensible cut off age to start separate baths. Of course it's lovely if siblings then choose to share a bath sometimes, I just think that at a certain age this should stop being the standard practice.

Nothing is bad about siblings bathing together.

What is questionable is a parent doing the bathing when they children are way past old enough to do it themselves.

There is also the issue of each individual child reaching an age where they should be afforded privacy.

At age 11 I had started my periods, I would not have felt comfortable sharing a bath with a sibling but quite possibly wouldn't have been able to articulate that, luckily for me my Mum was very hot on respecting each others personal space and right to privacy, so it wasn't an issue for me.

Does the sight of somebody's tummy, bottom or elbow turn you in to a sexual deviant now?

OK you're hinting at it so i'll respond.

It actually is a possibility that INCEST can happen in such a scenario. When boundaries are blurred it makes it easier.

Ive read this sort of thing so often on Mumsnet, as if the mere mention of the possibility is in itself depraved and the bollocks about 'says a lot about the mind of the person suggesting it' really, really fucks me off.

I have an 8yo DD and a 4yo DS. They still regularly bathe together, but we are slowly starting the transition to bathing alone.
Some days DD wants to have a bath on her own. This seems to be because she wants a bit of time away from the mini-tornado that is DS who also sometimes still pees in the bath.
Other days she wants to join in the games with all the bath toys (animal hospital is an old favourite) and loves bossing playing with DS.

At some stage I think she will not want to share a bath at all, but I'm going to let her decide when. I'd rather it all quietly faded away, instead of making a bog deal out of it.

But boundaries are not blurred.

Ds (9) and dd (8) will still jump in the bath together. Not so often now as ds prefers showers, but when they do they have a laugh.

Both will happilly jump in the shower with me.

However, this just means we are naked in the same space. There is nothing which could be construed as remotely sexual. Boundaries are clear.