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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think bathing your children together at this age is not right

136 replies

Fishwife1949 · 01/10/2012 18:46

I was talking with my friends friend at her house on our friday lunch date we were talking about our children growing up aour kids are all of a similar age

My mates mate say she cant let go and stil
BATHS her children together (confused) she has a boy and a girl the girl is 11 and the boy is 9 WTF

I nearly spat out my tea

I really think this should end around 5 mark and maybe you could get away with a little later of there same sex

OP posts:

TheWalkingDead · 01/10/2012 21:15

If the 11 year old is ok with it, I don't see the problem. I still talk to my mum when she's in the bath if I happen to pop over and she's seen me naked a lot in the last few years as I have a chronic illness and she's been known to help me get dressed if I'm ill and she saw me naked after the births of the DCs - I don't just get naked randomly!

My brother was quite open about nakedness, whereas my dad is private. When DS1 (3.10) is staying at my mum and dad's and when he's been away with them he's showered and gone to the toilet with them, so seen it all. If everyone is comfortable, I don't see the problem with being naked around each other no matter the age.

I would probably be naked a lot more, but BIL lives with us - I move very very quickly after a shower!

sweetkitty · 01/10/2012 21:17

My 8 and 7 yo DDs have separate baths, well same water one after another. For spac they like to lie in th bath. We bath DD3 who's is 4 & DS 2 together then the older ones bath by themselves I only go in to wash their hair.

I think it's a wee bit odd at their ages though, especially for the older DD.

InvisibleHotPinkWeasel · 01/10/2012 21:21

I get the odd person going at dd and Ds bathing together. He is 9 she is 2, when they bath together it is their choice.

My brother was 9 years older than me. He was a lot less bothered by my wandering in the bathroom to chat than my mum

SaraBellumHertz · 01/10/2012 21:23

The strangest point is that a 9 & 11 year are still bein bathed- my 6 & 7 year old have been bathing unsupervised for a good couple of years which is, I think, fairly normal.

As long as the children involved are content I see no issue. Mine bath together and DD is nearly 8 mind despite having a double bed and her brothe bunk beds they still squeeze themselves onto the top bunk together every night

MissRee · 01/10/2012 21:28

DSS (7) loves having a bath with DD (8 months), should I be discouraging it?

I say all the while DSS is comfortable with it and unaware of himself (as the eldest sibling), it's fine!

fairtomiddling · 01/10/2012 21:32

Why is it a problem if the kids don't mind? When I was 8 or 9 I had a couple of friends whose mums would still chuck us in the bath together at sleepovers - I don't remember being particularly bothered by it.

stifnstav · 01/10/2012 21:36

I was probably in a C cup bra at 11. I would have actually died if this was happening to me!

MissRee · 01/10/2012 21:44

In fact, DSis and I used to bath with the boy next door (he was a few years younger) and he was devastated when we didn't want to bath with him any more and really couldn't understand why

I think the whole point is that for as long as the children are comfortable with bathing together and it's not forced, what is the problem. Surely they can decide when they're no longer happy with the arrangement?

Jenny70 · 01/10/2012 22:03

I think you should find some other real problems to dwell on and leave parents to wash their children the way they see fit.

booki · 01/10/2012 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucieMay · 01/10/2012 22:27

I do find it a bit odd, I have to admit. I don't mean there's anything dodgy or deviant going on, I just find it odd. I think once puberty starts to hit, it's a bit weird. Don't any of these children have showers? DS is six and has been showering independently for a year!

Peeenut · 01/10/2012 22:46

I don't see any major issue with it, as long as both children are happy. Some girls are developing at 11, others are not. Whatever the case, some may be self conscious and others not. I'm a prude about being naked in public but my 11 year son regularly comes to chat with me if I'm in the bath.

Some have picked up on the phrase about still bathing them. It depends on what the mother means? My 11 year old son has been capable of running a bath and showering independently for years. My 7 year old son can't reach our shower yet but will do everything at my parents. Still, I may refer to bathing them sometimes. They can only just about fit on the bath together, 11 year old is as tall as me, but they often enjoy it. Other time they want to be on their own. She may dump them, happily, in the bath together but that doesn't mean they're not capable.

I have 2 boys but have brothers, I can't imagine why 5 would be some kind of limit!!

lovebunny · 01/10/2012 22:52

they can bath themselves at that age, surely?

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 01/10/2012 22:54

It depends on the family's attitude to nudity and not on the ages of the children. As long as the kids are happy with it, why worry? Seriously - if it seems odd to you, then that's your issue.

And bathtimes can be for play/social times/ spending time together and not just about getting clean so maybe that's why the mum is in the bathroom with them - for that nice time together.

Also, if you get into a routine that you all enjoy and no one wants to break it, that routine can go on under its own steam almost without anyone bothering to have 'should we/shouldn't we' thoughts about it.

theinets · 01/10/2012 22:54

One word. Incest.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 01/10/2012 22:56

Unlikely as the mum is with them. Or do you think she cheers from the side of the bath

5madthings · 01/10/2012 23:01

i dont see the issue, other than the fact that the mum is still bathing them when they should be more than capable of doing it themselves!

my 10yr old still has a bath with his siblings sometimes, his choice. my 13 yr old showers and does so on his own, but when i am in the bath he will come in and chat with me, he sits on the toilet or the side of the bath, we arent bothered by nudity in this house tbh. he will alos bath his youngest siblings, or watch them in the bath if i am busy doing something.

Floggingmolly · 01/10/2012 23:02

It's just as odd that she's actually there with them, Letsfacethemusic.
You get threads where people ask "is it ok to leave my five year old in the bath alone" and the chorus of "yes!, of course" is deafening.
Why would you "give" an 11 year old a bath?

5madthings · 01/10/2012 23:06

maybe she isnt giving them a bath but maybe she nips in and out or chats to them, thats not that odd, i sometimes chat to ds1 when he is in the bath and he comes in and will chat to me when i am in the bath.

i also do make sure ds2 (10) has washed his hair properly, he doesnt always get all the shampoo out, so i nip in to make sure he has done that or to chat to him sometimes. its not that odd? tho it does seem more odd if she actually baths them and washes them and stays with them the whole time and is not giving them the chance to be independent? and it would be odd if she was making them bath together if they didnt want to. but meh maybe its normal for them and she just sits and chats to them?

theinets · 01/10/2012 23:08

The whole thing sounds a bit seedy to me. Kids watched you on the toilet and vice versa. Revolting.

lisad123 · 01/10/2012 23:09

My girls used to bath together at 9 and 5 but just recently dd1 has asked for a bath alone.
I don't see the problem OP, I'm pretty sure the kids will tell her when they don't want to anymore.

theinets · 01/10/2012 23:09

When do you stop though? When they are 16? I

ChippyMinton · 01/10/2012 23:12

I'm more shocked that the OP's mate BATHS HER DC at those ages!!

Mine are similar ages and boys & girls, and for years they have been sorting out their own bath or shower. Pretty sure they don't jump in the tub together, but the door is usually open as they pop in and out or chat or whatever.

5madthings · 01/10/2012 23:12

they will stop when they want to! ds1 in the last year or so decided to just have showers on his own, he is 13, but he still happily comes in and chats to me when i am in the bath, his choice, it doesnt bother him and it doesnt bother me.

we are relaxed about nudity and its just a non issue, but then ds1 saw me birth his little sister (he was 11) and cut the cord, so we are very relaxed in this house! :)

mumnosGOLDisbest · 01/10/2012 23:14

mine are ds7 and dd5 and ds is just starting to want more space so he can lay down and not play barbies. lucky for dd1, dd2 will soon be big enough to share as at 5, bathtime is still playtime :)

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