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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell my 3yo that im pregnant..

27 replies

ditsydoll · 01/10/2012 14:10

When I'm only 6 weeks...
Up until last week I hadn't had any nausea, this week i have done nothing but vomit and look generally unwell. I'm trying to keep my best face on for DD but the truth is I feel so shitty that I'm finding it hard already.

Poor DD keeps asking why I'm so sick and looks really upset by it all. I have no one to help take care of her during the day as DH works funny shifts. I just think if she knew why I was sick she might not be so worried and understand abit why mummy looks like crap! Lol

OP posts:

MammaTJisWearingGold · 01/10/2012 14:11

If you are being sick, it means the hormones are in place to keep the baby! I still think it is a little early, but yours are special circumstances.

monkeysbignuts · 01/10/2012 14:14

I suffer with bad morning sickness and had to tell my kids at 8 weeks. I had my head down the loo so much they thought I was dying lol.
I am 38 weeks now so they have had a very long wait to meet their new brother but at least they have had time to get used to the idea and understand why I was tired and sickly.
My kids are 5 & 3

aldiwhore · 01/10/2012 14:15

I would be honest. I understand why people wait, but I think there is room for a little CALM chat.... I told my DS when I found out, I was about 6 weeks. He thought he'd done something wrong as suddenly I'd stop the rough and tumble play (as he fondly refers to as tickle torture). I felt I owed him the tentative truth. There was no big announcement, just a quiet cuddled chat about how mummy has a bean in her belly that will hopefully grow into a baby and we all have to look after the bean. It sounds daft reading it back, but it is still a treasured memory of a chat.

Do what you are comfortable with. Although I would tell her, I also do not see anything wrong at all with simply telling her you have a bug for now!

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 01/10/2012 14:17

I told my 2.5yo very early for the same reason. Actually, I think it's more tricky with an older child because if anything had gone wrong I think my dd would have just accepted it, but it could be v upsetting if they had a better understanding.

It's been a VERY long wait for her though - am 33 weeks now and she asks me every day if the baby is coming soon!

TroublesomeEx · 01/10/2012 14:18

We had to tell DS (6 at the time) that I was pregnant before we really wanted to because I was also incredibly sick.

We tried fobbing him off with "mummy just isn't feeling very well at the moment" responses but when he asked if I had cancer because he knew that "cancer makes people be sick" - he was thinking of chemo - we didn't really have any choice.

Telling him was the right thing to do, even though I was only about 8 or 9 weeks.

Obviously, you need to do what is right for you. I just wanted to let you know that you weren't alone in this and what we did. x

habbibu · 01/10/2012 14:18

I would tell her. DD was almost 3 when ds was born, so only about 2.5 when I was throwing up A Lot. She got really good at bringing me a towel and cup of water, and would stand patting my back. It was lovely, and she wasn't worried - we did tell her why.

DoodleAlley · 01/10/2012 14:21

I'm having my 12 week scan tomorrow (so nervous!) and I've chosen not I tell DS who is just four.

I can't trust him to keep it quiet.

I've been vomiting and a peculiar shade of green but DS has accepted the explanation that mummy's tummy is a bit bubbly/off but I'm
Not ill and it'll get better in a bit.

He seems to trust me that it's just the way it is. If he got upset about me then I would have told him but it hasn't proved necessary, though he's been extra lovely to me.

Could you try running a similar story and jut see how it goes and then break the news if needs be?

cheekybarsteward · 01/10/2012 14:21

I like that explanation aldi as it has a little safety net if needed.
congratulations op.

Shesaysso · 01/10/2012 14:21

It depends do you want other friends and family to know? If you tell your DD she may well tell other people.

DoodleAlley · 01/10/2012 14:23

DS is desperate for a sibling as well and so I've run the dont kick mummy in the tummy in case God puts a baby there.

Sounds corny but again it works. But then the kid believes everything!

missymoomoomee · 01/10/2012 14:23

If you are being sick, it means the hormones are in place to keep the baby

This is a very misleading statement, if you are being sick it means the pregnancy is in place just now it doesn't have any relevence to the outcome of the pregnancy although there is some evidence to suggest that those who have morning sickness have a slightly lower risk.

I wouldn't tell your dd just yet tbh, I would make up another reason just now, 7 and a half months is a long time for a 3 year old to wait.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/10/2012 14:25

I would try and keep it from her for a bit longer, purely because it is such a long wait for them when they are that little.

It is 8 months until you'll have the baby, which is 1/5th of your DD's life up until now.

aldiwhore · 01/10/2012 14:28

Christmas each year is a long wait! I do remember my eldest being very excited for a long time only to say "is that it?" when he finally met his brother... although his new baby brother also bought him a new shiny transformer so all was forgiven.

DoodleAlley · 01/10/2012 14:41

I personally couldn't bear to break DS' heart if we lost the baby. I know there are no guarantees after 12 weeks but as I understand it the stats are a bit better after then. If all goes well at my scan tomorrow I think we will tell DS but there is a part of me that fancies keeping it quiet longer to avoid a further approximately 196 mOrnings of being asked is the baby here yet?!

DeWe · 01/10/2012 14:44

I don't think a 3yo would be less worried to know, and possibly blame the baby. Also they do expect it out pretty much straight away after telling them.

littleducks · 01/10/2012 14:48

I didn't tell my 2yr old until I was 6/7 months gone which everybody seemed to find really odd. I had hyperemesus and didn't want her to blame baby combined with having had prior miscarriages (which I kept secret even from family). She soon accepted me throwing up alot

Do whatever suits you best?

babybythesea · 01/10/2012 14:51

I'm in exactly the same boat.
I spent yesterday chucking my guts down the loo.
She is worried, but seems happy with the explanation that I don't feel very well. She is trying really hard to look after me - she brings me teddies to cuddle and a flannel to wipe my face and she's given me some plastic money to buy a doctor - all very sweet!
We are going to tell her when we have the scan pictures, next week.
The plan is that we have a couple of books to read (including "There's a house inside my mummy" - someone on here recommended it - it has a bit in the middle about mummy not feeling well sometimes!) and we'll start with those, and then chat about the idea that she will be a big sister, and then show her the scan pics. The idea though is to talk about the baby growing in my tummy and not really start thinking about the baby as a separate person yet.
She loves rough and tumble and it's going to need to stop with me for a bit - she's already asking why I'm sad sometimes (Coz it's hard to grin when you've thrown up everything you've eaten in the last week and then, darling, you jump on my tummy!) and I don't want her to think she's done anything wrong.
We didn't tell her before because she'll tell everyone!

blisterpack · 01/10/2012 14:58

I would just say that I'm feeling quite poorly and it may take a little while to get better. I don't know why saying you're pregnant would help, it's not like at age 3 she'd think "Ah right! So that is it then, it's morning sickness".

CadleCrap · 01/10/2012 14:58

I only told DS(2.9 at the time) when I went for the 12 week scan as I didn't want him telling everyone else until I was to!

I told him that we were going to see if there was a baby in Mummy's tummy.

DS" It might be an elephant" I wasn't THAT fat

Psammead · 01/10/2012 15:07

I like aldiwhore's explaination.

washngo · 01/10/2012 15:09

I have hyperemesis but waited till 14 weeks and also haven't associated the sickness with the baby when talking to the children in case ds 4yo and dd 2yo feel resentful. We've told them that I'm not v well at the moment and the doctor says I'll get better and be fine but it could take a little while. We told them about the baby after I started to feel a bit better, but having spent all day puking I may have jumped the gun!

MistressIggi · 01/10/2012 15:48

I was well into the 3rd trimester when I told my 4-year-old. Think he just thought I was (very) fat.

McHappyPants2012 · 01/10/2012 15:51

i wouldn't because they will be asking a 1000 times a day when is the baby coming.

alienreflux · 01/10/2012 15:54

i told my ds, 3 at the time, because i was sooooo ill, and also didn't want the play fighting and carrying on my shoulders, he was great, and honestly, i think if i had lost the baby, i could have explained that, otherwise he would wonder what all the crying was about! I think they are capable of understanding and handling more than we think! good luck op :)

alienreflux · 01/10/2012 15:55

and mine was happy to wait, he never asked when the baby was coming!

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