to wonder if some unputdownable babies are made not born that way?

[aamia]

I'm in no doubt that some of them have constantly uncomfy tummies or other problems that drive them to need soothing 24/7. However, are they all like that? I only wonder because DS is very put downable for me - I have popped him in his moses basket and left him there while doing chores (within sight/sound) since the beginning, and after an initial few days of crying when left then realising that I wasn't coming back unless there was actually a problem, he has been fine. Now he only cries if hungry/dirty nappy/cold/tummy hurts. Fair enough, and I'm very happy to attend to those asap! He gets plenty of time being carried too, when I do the horses or we're out and about. Now with DH, there is an element of the fact that DH can't bear to see him cry at all, so will hold him the entire time and just not put him down. As a result, he cries much more when DH has him, and DH gets nothing else done at all!

So I'm wondering - do some babies never get put down in the early days, and then can't cope with the idea, rather than there being anything actually wrong? Or is that an unreasonable thing to think?

My DS has always been putdownable. He never has cried for anything other than being hungry. In fact he never cries if he has a dirty nappy. He's just very contented

Raspberry :o

That's what I thought, newborns are habitually a bit clingy... :o

I must admit, if I'd encountered you, OP, in the first colicky, awake every hour weeks, I would have mentally kicked your arse.

I couldn't stand the sleep stealth boasters.

Another one here with an unputdownable autistic baby who was on the receiving end of the "chilled mummy, chilled baby" advice (from the HV!). We had no idea he was autistic at that age, and I blamed myself a lot thinking I was doing everything wrong.

Quite honestly OP, as someone said upthread, unless you've experienced a high-need baby, you've just got no idea...

Where's OP? Is her baby kicking off?

When Ds was a newborn he was happy yo be put down and he slept through from 12 weeks. At 19 weeks he had an ear infection and it knocked him for six. He's 6.5 months now and still very clingy. We've ended up co sleeping and he gets upset if I leave the room, even when dp is there.

I think there are many things that can affect a babies personality, some genetic and some environmental. OP, you may feel lucky to have an easy baby but things can change.

aaimia is this your first baby? You sound very smug about your 'achievements' you might not be feeling the same way with subsequent children.
And yes I bet he doesn't cry babies aren't stupid they know when they are being ignored. Is housework really more important than holding your newborn when it cries for you?

Carry on with the smugness OP.

My first child was a dream, happy to lay on his own and get on with it,only cried if hungry.

Then along came DC2!! Screamed solidly for 6 months and wouldn't be put down.

Good luck with your next one

DD and DS2 - both putdownable. DS1 very unputdownable. I moaned to the doctor at Baby Clinic that DS1 just wanted to be picked up and held all the time. The doctor replied, "well, pick him up and hold him". Best advice ever! Up until that point, I'd thought I was "spoiling him" or shouldn't be doing it, and I felt the doctor had given me permission to do, what I now know, was the right thing.

DS1 is by far the most affectionate of my children and could always be persuaded to "do it for mummy". Not so easy with DD or DS2. Swings and roundabouts!

IMVHO why should a baby be ignored in favour of getting jobs done?

I'm due my 4th in 10 weeks, can't wait for all the baby snuggles.

and have another one for later when you have time to sit down

I think the OP does have a point though.

DD4 (16 months) isnt a whingy baby at all, she is a very happy little soul and quite giggly. She hasnt cried once today, or yesteday and doesnt cry at bedtime. She only ever kicks off at her brothers and sisters if they wont hand over whatever toy they have that she wants!

But she cries at bedtime for him, because when she does that he will sit and talk to her and play with her, no matter how tired she is. That makes her more tired so she cries even harder when he tries to put her down. So invariably, I go up, give her a cuddle do our "night night" routine (I say a rote of things the same way every night) and she goes straight off.

I think that she has learned that if she whinges at Daddy then he will play, but there is no point whinging at me because when I say night night, I mean it!

But, I wouldnt leave a newborn, they dont cry for nothing, there is always a need that isnt being met if they are crying.

Well, op is probably right that eventually most babies will stop crying if left to CIO.

It wouldn't have been the right thing to do for me. I want my babies to know that when they cry someone will always respond, I want them to feel secure. The baby stage is so fleeting I thought it was worth the short term pain for the long term benefit.

Besides, it seems unkind to leave a baby crying when you could just put them in a sling and do the housework anyway.

My in-laws have this belief that picking a baby up when it cries but not because its hungry/wet etc is going to spoil the baby. They both believe that newborns are capable of manipulating adults. They also believe that picking up a baby when it cries will create an insecure child.

I don't really understand how giving a baby security will ultimately result in an insecure child. That seems rather counter-intuitive.

Raspberry Surely babies are supposed to be unputdownable? Is it not a survival instinct? I mean it isn't as though they can run away or fight a threat, so they need to ensure someone stays awake 24/7 just in case of attack by sabre toothed dragon monster looks after them.

^ this has just caused me to breathe a huge sigh of relief, I actually think I love you! You are so right.

aaimia and addicted I refer you back to what my doctor said - "pick him up and hold him". It felt so liberating being told to do what you instinctively knew was right when so many people are telling you it will spoil them.

I had two very easy babies that I could put down very easily and get on with things. Then I had my DS, oh my, what a shock. I did not parent him any differently, if only it was that easy. I certainly would not leave him to cry endlessly but I wouldn't have done that to my older two either. I did leave him to cry for short periods, otherwise I would never have got anything done. He turned out to be sensetive (not allergic, that is different) to wheat and dairy and had tummy ache. We changed his diet and things improved to a degree.

No, not made like it, born like it.

DD was very putdownable. She cried for milk and nothing else. I never made her that way, that's just what she was like. DD2 - watch this space. She might be totally different. I wont do anything differently with her - I would prefer a putdownable to a nonputdownable. But if she's different then so be it.

I have one that wanted to be down and looking at the world and would cry if snuggled too much and one that couldn't cope without being held constantly. Both had reflux that the drs wouldn't treat (argh).

Their personalities are like chalk and cheese now 11 and 16 years later.

I think they are born that way but I think the biological default is 'does better being held when tiny'.

Not sure whether the unputdownable are born or made TBH, I suspect a touch of both.

BUT - there is a recurring theme on this thread and others of "baby is crying so they want something, even if it's just a cuddle, so give it to them" and "they stop crying because they learn that no-one comes" which make me .

I have had 2 relatively easy babies but the 1st morphed into the most demanding tantruming toddler so the 2nd HAS to sit in her chair and cry, a lot, because I'm CONSTANTLY dealing with the first one!

How DO you manage a crying baby and a toddler who is demanding potty/bum wipe/food/hand wipe or is breaking something/endangering themselves/being naughty in a way that requires attention - because I need to ignore my whilst I deal with the toddler! And that's on the days when TV is the primary source of entertainment. If I try to do proper activities like painting or games or hide and seek then baby gets abandoned in the chair even more!

I tried putting her in a sling (esp. for bathtime) but she didn't seem comfy (usually continued to cry or escalated to a scream) and I'm quite small with short arms so once I have the bulk of a baby strapped to my front I'm unable to bend down or use my arms properly and the baby obscures my view of what's going on at toddler height when the 1st child is right next to me.

CIO isn't a technique I'm consciously using but I have no alternative!

My DS cried if put down during the day for his first six weeks (but slept OK for three hours at a time at night). At the end of six weeks of being carried around all day he then turned into the happiest, easiest, most contented baby I could have wished for. I often wondered if the initial insecurity was because he was an emergency C-section (cord twice round his neck).

DD was completely different - she would sleep contentedly in her pram for periods during the day - and boy did I feel guilty that she wasn't getting the same amount of holding DS had had - so you can't win really!

Ds1 always appeared to an happy in his own company and even now likes his space.

He's perfectly social but will sometimes take himself away for 5 minutes peace during social events and interrupt him at your own risk!

Another unputdownable baby here since diagnosed with Autism and ADHD

DS babyhood seemed very different from other babies. He could not and still does not know how to self soothe, entertain himself or be content in his own company for any time at all. He has always required constant and full attention.
I used to get very pissed off with smug parents with easy babies....