to wonder if some unputdownable babies are made not born that way?

[aamia]

I'm in no doubt that some of them have constantly uncomfy tummies or other problems that drive them to need soothing 24/7. However, are they all like that? I only wonder because DS is very put downable for me - I have popped him in his moses basket and left him there while doing chores (within sight/sound) since the beginning, and after an initial few days of crying when left then realising that I wasn't coming back unless there was actually a problem, he has been fine. Now he only cries if hungry/dirty nappy/cold/tummy hurts. Fair enough, and I'm very happy to attend to those asap! He gets plenty of time being carried too, when I do the horses or we're out and about. Now with DH, there is an element of the fact that DH can't bear to see him cry at all, so will hold him the entire time and just not put him down. As a result, he cries much more when DH has him, and DH gets nothing else done at all!

So I'm wondering - do some babies never get put down in the early days, and then can't cope with the idea, rather than there being anything actually wrong? Or is that an unreasonable thing to think?

Sorry - until you've had a baby you can't put down, you won't understand.

Like if you've always had a baby that sleeps well - you just won't 'get' that some don't. Or if you have a baby that breastfed without any problems - there's always a thought that people who have problems might just be 'doing it wrong'.

Friend of ours had 2 babies close together about ten years ago - 'easy' babies (which is why they went for a second one quickly!) - last year, they had a third DC, before they got too old.

DC 3 is a high needs, poorly sleeping unputdownable baby. They've said if she had been their first, they wouldn't have had another, as she is such hard work compared to the others, and they are so sleep deprived.

If you have a baby that settles easily on their own (and some do, I've seen them...) - great. Some don't. That's just life.

Rubirosa we don't do rocking or cry it out. If they need it, we do back rubbing. But so few need it and for so little time.

Compared with my own babies [hmmm] I know full well I feed into it all but what the heck, I'm their mum

My demanding one was my second, though. Her sister was in reception by then and I had to put her in a sling and just get on with it. We did get to school on time as well - probably because she was my second and I was relatively calm and experienced.

I agree with SmellsLikeTeenStrop, babies are definitely born to be unputdownable. It's just nature, survival. They are following their instincts, that if they are on their own they are at risk from starvation or predators. They don't know any different. They cry to maintain contact and get pretty stressed if they don't get it.

You can definitely train a baby by leaving it to cry though and it simply learns there's no point in doing so as nobody will come.

However, I do think there are some babies who are more content than others in the early days. My SIL's baby was really uncomfortable due to a rotational forceps delivery. He cried a lot and if he wasn't crying he was nursing. It was really tough on her, but she got through it.

wheresmespecs are you talking about me? That's exactly what I said about my youngest.

Agree with you Rubirosa.

Count yourself lucky that you have a child who doesn't cry all the time. My daughter cried a huge amount, even when she was being held. She had reflux, but she also had/still has a very loud and demanding personality. It's very unfair to judge other other parents who are having a hard enough time as it is with a crying child.

I am a firm believer that babies don't cry for no reason. Once you figure out what the reason behind the random or sometimes constant crying you will get that 'put down-able baby'. some babies suffer with colic or the common inability to digest the lactose in their milk due to insufficient lactase in their gut for the first few months, causing great discomfort, other babies sail on through and are seen as the put downable babies. Just my opinion! I hate to hear people comment that the baby just cries for no reason

Sorry joyfull I've re read and I have come across slightly up myself. I do realise if I end up with a third it will be a devil child to get back at me for my smugness.

I have three daughters.
They've all been totally different as babies.
One of them cried and cried and cried, right from the night she was born.
Whatever I did made no difference to her.
And then there's dd3, who rarely cries, has never ever slept in our bed (she likes her own space when she sleeps) and is happy 99% of the time.
They're born that way, without a doubt.

She did however find it very releasing later burning the books she's bought on how to make your baby to sleep

I used similar (unread) books someone gave me to prop up the head of the crib at an angleto relieve the reflux. It was the only good use for those books!

I have 2 children the first was very easy, could put her down and she would fall asleep etc, I could put her in her play gym and she would play, I could put her in her pushchair and she wouyld smile and coo at me no problem at all.

15 months later I had another one, in the early days I did all the smar things except this child would cry when I put her down, refused to fall asleep and now 8 months old gets very upset if I put her on the floor to play, she will crawl to me and attempt to climb up me.

So imo yes YABU. DD2 just doesnt like being put down, she is a clingyer baby and needs more reassurance than DD1 did, and as they grow I fully expect that to be the way things are, DD1 is already fiercly indipendant, and just likes to know I'm there to go back to.

CarpeThingy, that was what my DD was like if I put her down for a moment, screaming deafeningly loudly, immediately starting to retch. And she WOULD NOT SLEEP.

It's tempting for all parents to congratulate themselves for doing it "right", when something has been easy.

This is a dangerous approach, because the flipside is that when something is hard - and something will be, in the long, long, road ahead - the logical conclusion is that you have done it "wrong". That wonderfully placid baby may be a nightmare to potty train. Your friend's fantastic sleep routine may all go to arse in six months. My red-faced howling ball of barf is now a lovely 11-yr-old. Them's the breaks.

I never had time to read the books, I was too busy holding the baby

Oh, and she mostly didn't stop crying even when I picked her up.

Try peddling that 'needy parent creates needy child' bullshit to any parent of a child on the autistic spectrum or with sensory processing disorder. Really? Walk a mile in our shoes before you judge.

Those of us who sling-tote and co-sleep and breastfeed to ridiculous ages and don't get the child fully potty trained till 8 aren't doing it on purpose. Life is hard enough with a high needs child without being sneered at by smug parents in smug NT families for what shit parents we are, thanks

And yes, you touched a nerve.

But she is now delightful, a 5yo bundle of excitement and positivity.

But, my god, she was hard work that first year.

I don't know about training them to be put down, but I'm another one here with twins who are chalk and cheese.

DTS is a huge mummies boy, only really wants me, likes to be carried around a lot. If we go to tolddler groups or soft play, he will go off on his own, but always comes back to touch base every few mins. (they're 14 months)

DTD is far more independant, plays for ages on her own, likes a cuddle but when she's tired she really just wants to be left in peace in her cot with her dummy. I don't see her for dust at toddler groups.

So different, but it's just the way they are. There's nothing to 'fix', in either of them.

I've had two put downable babies. They both went to sleep by themselves playing on the play mat. My second baby, my DS, went as far as groaning when I'd rock him, but as soon as I put him down he'd drift off. Now he's 9 months and won't sleep without a rock or being in my arms. Babies have different needs at different times in their life. They change as they grow. Your baby may end up becoming more attached as he grows.

I have five children and only one has been a non putdownable type. He was hard work then and at almost 4 is hard work now. They are def. born like that.

I have 3 DC- middle DS was happy to go anywhere or be held by anyone.

Eldest as soon as she was born would scream if she wasn't being held by me - would grudgingly have DH occasionally. Family insisted we try getting her to sleep in a cot - she'd keep the screaming up for hour and hours - the persistent was astonishing or even someone holding her she'd cry till handed back.

The youngest is similar - would use her weight to push herself towards me from word go - was large baby so could.

We were blamed with first by the grandparents - being close was a behavior that continue well into toddler hood and early childhood. I think perhaps the girls where just better at demanding what they needed as they are much more confident now while DS is still very very shy though he's more content generally than them.

I thought it was normal with first - till others pointed out it was and a few approached and said they'd had one like that and it got better.

yabu.

I had twins that were born with a fear of their cot. I ended up putting them down in linen baskets. I personally think some babies just don't adjust well to suddenly having all this space around them, or the lack of noise, comfort, movement, whatever it is that they are seeking from being held.

I had to gradually wean the dts off the linen baskets into their cots.