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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a heartless bastardish thing to do?

179 replies

sillymoomoo · 28/09/2012 22:18

My 'dp' of 3.5 years, doesn't live with us 'yet' have a ds (not together) but supposed to be a family. Ds is poorly and has woken up crying with a temperature and asked where dp is as he's normally here most nights, he's not here tonight so I said shall we ring him.

He won't answer his phone because he said his mates round having a fucking beer. He text me this so I told him ds was sick and wanted to say hello his response 'well he can't'.

I'm absolutely fuming, he's done things like this before but we've been ok for almost a year now and I thought we were past him being a childish little idiot. These guys are in their 30's not kids, his friend has his own son so why the hell wouldn't he speak to ds.

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 28/09/2012 22:19

LTB, tis my advise. What a tosser

Icelollycraving · 28/09/2012 22:21

Because he is a twat. Poor ds :(

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 28/09/2012 22:23

He sounds like an arse.

BananaBubbles · 28/09/2012 22:23

What an utter arse. You and your ds deserve better.

Scholes34 · 28/09/2012 22:23

YABU - DS can cope without speaking to him right now.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 28/09/2012 22:25

He is having his cake and eating it. Nice little family life with you, but when he wants to revert to singledom he has no "responsibility." (In his eyes anyway.)

You and your DS can do much much better.

corlan · 28/09/2012 22:26

That's what's known as 'having your cake and eating it too' sillymoomoo.

AgentZigzag · 28/09/2012 22:26

Him not wanting to come round is one thing, but to give you and your DS the fuck off like that is a shitty thing to do.

Why would he react like that, instead of texting something like 'awww poor little mite, give him a hug from me and tell him I'll be round XXXX. Let me know how he is won't you?'

Whole world of difference.

StuntGirl · 28/09/2012 22:26

Sure he's with a friend?

Either way he sounds like a dick. Is he serious about your relationship?

apostropheuse · 28/09/2012 22:26

Why doesn't he live with you yet? Does he say you're a "family" or do you say it, or do both of you?

He doesn't sound too committed to be honest.

Not sure what to say really other than if this isn't a new thing then perhaps he doesn't really want to be a step parent.

It's a bit strange that he wouldn't answer the phone when you rung too. Bizarre behaviour.

Uppermid · 28/09/2012 22:27

Well if I were you he wouldn't be my dp right now

BananaBubbles · 28/09/2012 22:28

Of course he'd 'survive',but it'd take the OP's dp a mere minute to say a few words to him. Her dp isn't in a meeting after all.He's only having a beer with friends.

Hope your poor boy feels better soon,Moomoo.

crackcrackcrak · 28/09/2012 22:28

Sounds like a man child

Newlysingleandstuck · 28/09/2012 22:29

He wouldn't be my dp either. If he hasn't fully stepped up by now he won't ever do it ime. Get shot now before you have a mortgage and divorce (and possibly more children) to sort out.

Scholes34 · 28/09/2012 22:31

Probably says more about your relationship with dp than anything else.

brass · 28/09/2012 22:32

so what are you doing with him?!

AgentZigzag · 28/09/2012 22:37

What's happened in the year he's not been like this? Why suddenly start it up again?

Unless you haven't noticed he's been a twat and excused him, or it's just when he's really beered up or when he gets together with this friend?

Why now do you think OP?

Does he not want to talk to your DS after he's had a couple?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 28/09/2012 22:41

Sounds like there's more to this than just the fact that he's at a mates house having a beer. Because that's not awful is it?

Original poster
sillymoomoo · 28/09/2012 22:43

Yes of course ds will survive but what 'parent' would refuse to speak to their child. If I speak about ds as being my child he moans that he's our yet he does things like this and it's not the first time.

We don't live together, well it's a long story, he wouldn't commit, then we argued because he did twatty things like this so we gave it time for things to get better, which they had but now this.

He probably is with his friend yes, they are just that childish.

Basically this is how the conversation has gone.

I told him he was being disrespectful to ds and I by now answering to which he responded why am I saying that 'I'm not black' whatever that means, he told me to get a grip and I'm ruining his chances of seeing him tomorrow.

Tomorrow I guarantee he'll keep ringing saying he's sorry and he was just tired, stressed from work etc, etc. It's what he does.

And yes I know I should ltb, shame as I thought he'd grown up we've been getting on so well this year.

OP posts:
Original poster
sillymoomoo · 28/09/2012 22:45

He does things like this usually for 3 reasons, tiredness, he gets grumpy like a child, stress with work, and being with his mate as for some reason when they get together he turns into a teenage boy (actually that's being unfair to teenage boys), but he probably thinks his mate will think he's under the thumb or something if he coos over ds on the phone.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 28/09/2012 22:51

Well, even when they are the dad, they can still behave in a shitty way and love the DC. It's good your DS doesn't know anything about how he's been, but it is worrying if that's how he thinks about your DS.

Is it typical of his behaviour or a one off? (over this last year)

If he's not making sense, is he shitfaced and not behaving like he normally would? Not an excuse, but a reason why he's 'not himself'.

apostropheuse · 28/09/2012 22:52

Leave the bastard.

Seriously. He's an idiot and you shouldn't allow your son to be subjected to his mood swings.

Your son needs security and stability, which you're not getting with him.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 28/09/2012 22:55

You should leave him.

Forget you, think of your child. He doesn't need this unreliable twatbag in his life, he needs love and stability and to know that he can trust the people he has in his life.

PedanticPanda · 28/09/2012 22:59

'im not black'

Wtf? Confused, this guy sounds like an arsehole op, sorry to say that but he sounds like he is. When he said you're ruining his chances if seeing him tomorrow, what did he mean by that? Is he threatening not to see DS if you text him again?

mysonsasaint · 28/09/2012 23:02

:( poor DS.

What does your DP do for a job, btw? Not that I think it will excuse it, just interested to hear what job makes you so stressed you treat your family like shit.