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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my DD to hear about rape and "lick my dick" in the school play ground?

51 replies

ChristmasKate · 27/09/2012 21:12

I can't decide if I'm being precious because DD is in year 6 and and nearly 11.

I over heard DD and her friends giggling today because a boy in their class told DD it's nearly his birthday and he would like DD to lick cereal off his dick.

When I walked round the corner (they were all in my hall) they all told me what I overheard and laughed because they knew what a dick was and thought it was gross.

They then told me another boy had made up a song about another girl in the class being his pet rabbit that the boy wanted to rape.

They asked me what rape meant and I told them they must have miss heard because it didn't make sense, I wasn't prepared to tell 4 of DDs friends and I'm not sure what to say to my 10 year old about rape, we openly talk about sex etc but rape just seems so much more than she needs to know.

AIBU to want to speak to have a quiet word with her teacher, it feels so wrong.

OP posts:
doorbellringer · 27/09/2012 21:16

I think I have a word about rabbit boy because that's sick. Worrying where he got that from.

Celticlassie · 27/09/2012 21:17

It's a difficult one - the teacher would never allow them to speak like that in class but it's very hard to police what they say in their own time. Unfortunately, a lot of kids are hearing very sexual language at home and in the media and they like to repeat it. I'm not saying DON'T speak to the teahcer, but just to make you aware that, unless she hears it, there's very little she (he) can do.

ashesgirl · 27/09/2012 21:17

God yes, mention to the teacher.

Waitforit · 27/09/2012 21:18

As a year 6 teacher I'd want to know. It could be them just picking up words from older siblings etc. or it could be the sign of something more sinister. Either way I'd want to discuss it with the child in question and make it clear it is inappropriate at any age, least of all when they are still 11.

larks35 · 27/09/2012 21:21

I agree it isn't nice to hear 10 yr olds giggling about these things and I'm not surprised you felt unable to explain rape to them. BUT, what do you expect their teacher to do?

MissAnnersley · 27/09/2012 21:23

I agree Waitforit.

ashesgirl · 27/09/2012 21:25

I'd expect the teacher to deal with the boy and find out why he's singing songs about raping a pet rabbit/girl. Seems way way off to me. Girls shouldn't have to be hearing that.

Original poster
ChristmasKate · 27/09/2012 21:31

I don't expect the teacher to do anything for us but I just wonder if she should know.

I don't know if the boys have other things going on that the school know about that I don't iykwim.

Rape just seems so wrong for a boy to put into the context of a girl being his pet and he wants to rape it.

OP posts:
lydiamama · 27/09/2012 21:33

I am shocked by what I read, but then I have overheard some children talking on those lines in the parks before. It is a shame, big shame, that they are worrying about sex at such an age, it really pains my heart. And what attitude to it!!!! look a boy wanting a girl to lick things of his dick as a birthday present, and the other one talking about rape, it sounds like they are putting the girls in submission iykwim, no respect, no equality.
It is wrong wrong wrong, I would talk to teacher, headmaster and other parents.
Ok you can not change their vocabulary now that they have learnt the words, but respect for the other sex may be taught here, like explaining a girl or boy can never be your pet, or your servant, they are equal to you, same level, to start with.

solidgoldbrass · 27/09/2012 21:34

Remember that your DD was giggling, not crying or offended or humiliated. This could be a case of kids experimenting with taboo/shocking conversation rather than bullying or anything sinister.

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2012 21:37

I would have word in the teacher's ear. It may just be that he's picked it up from older kids/ the internet but if (and it's only an if) other concerns have been raised regarding this boy, they might appreciate the information.

I don't blame you for not wanting to explain what rape means to other people's kids (that's not your place) but I'm a firm believe in explaining these things to my own kids - as horrible as it is to have to do it.

The reason being, if they don't know what certain words mean...how can they ever possibly know it's wrong to use them?

For example, if your DD hears it often enough she may well innocently tell someone she wants to rape them or wants to be raped herself....then she'd be mortified when she finally does know what it means.

ThreePly · 27/09/2012 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

ashesgirl · 27/09/2012 21:41

If nothing else, it passes on the message that that it isn't an acceptable way to behave.

Never ceases to amaze me that we teach girls to put up with this kind of stuff - boys just being boys and all that, just let it pass and so on. Please do say something. I'd be so surprised if your school didn't deal with it immediately.

Original poster
ChristmasKate · 27/09/2012 21:50

They were giggling in hushed little girl tones and no worries about sharing it with me and wanting to tell me what a Dick is.

Lydia explains it so well, I don't want DD thinking this is what boys "get" from girls and that they tell them what to do. I know I'm not explaining it very well.

I can cope with dicks, tits and the strange rhymes about kissing etc but rape is rape in any context and 11 is so very young.

OP posts:
Ephiny · 27/09/2012 21:51

Are you sure they didn't mishear? It sounds a very odd thing to say - I can well believe kids that age are saying things about sex and even rape, but in the context of pet rabbits? Confused

If not, then I agree, a word with the teacher might be in order.

Original poster
ChristmasKate · 27/09/2012 22:10

Ephiny miss hearing is exactly what we thought!

DD asked me in front of her friends and then DH later that evening when I was putting DD3 to bed and we both said she must have miss heard because it doesn't make sense but today she said he said it again and he defiantly said he wants her as his pet rabbit so he can rape it.
Se also mentioned a banana today and rape which I then said "he means a ripe banana, he must have said ripe" and she said "no he said rape, like the rabbit"

I not drip feeding btw, just remembered the banana one was mentioned today.

OP posts:
neuroticmumof3 · 27/09/2012 22:16

Maybe he's familiar with Playboy Bunny stuff and replaced Bunny with Rabbit? I'm just searching for an explanation that isn't as vile as the one that popped into my head. I think you should explain the concept of rape to DD though. It doesn't have to be graphic, just something about consent being a vital part of sexual activity.

needanswers · 27/09/2012 22:19

Take it from me, 11 is NOT too young for you to explain to her about rape, in age appropriate terms.

Dominodonkey · 27/09/2012 22:33

YANBU - please speak to the school. While I am sure this is not unheard of, the boy must be getting this filthy language from somewhere and the school should be talking to his parents. They may need to raise it as a child protection issue.

Original poster
ChristmasKate · 27/09/2012 22:34

need. Hope my thread hasn't upset you, I'm sorry, I just want my 11 yr old to stay how it should be without influence at school.

I will speak to her when it comes up again, we have spoken about body awareness and personnel space and trusting your own feelings, gut instinct but rape....

OP posts:
needanswers · 27/09/2012 22:37

No no no you haven't upset me - it's just I did all the age appropriate things - but never used the more "blunt" wording - it's something I now regret. I wish I had been stronger in my education of DC.

TheBonkeyMollocks · 27/09/2012 22:44

I would speak to the teacher about the boy. Just so they.know.

Then I would explain to your dd about rape. I can understand you not wanting to.tell other peoples dds about it but I would always explain things to.my dcs if they came up.

Its hard but at 11 its not to young sadly.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 27/09/2012 22:46

Personnally I'd mention it to the teacher. I would have been very upset if either of my DSs or their friends were talking like that to the girls in their class at that age (actually, I'd be very pissed off if they did it now)

On a tangent, I gave my almost 9yo an explanation of rape this week (age appropriate) because she read a rape crisis poster on the bus and wanted to know what it was. Short of outright lying or refusing to discuss it, neither of which sits comfortably with me, there wasn't a great deal else I could do.

TheBonkeyMollocks · 27/09/2012 22:46

I agree with need , blunt straight forward answers are the way to go.

Always better to be completely aware of the good and bad things in life

solidgoldbrass · 27/09/2012 22:47

Actually, I think there's a possibility that telling the OP to wring her hands and run and Tell Teacher could do more harm than good. Going by what she has actually posted, this sounds more like kids having an advanced level of the 'poo bum wee wee willy' conversations that slightly younger ones find so hilarious - and the more it annoys the adults, the more fun it is. IE the kids know that what they are discussing is something 'naughty' and shocking, and they are trying to outdo each other in shockingness. Bringing down the full weight of child protection procedures, police involvement, 'Has someone been touching you?' etc could do a lot of harm; it's very frightening for a child who will immediately think that s/he has done something wrong and is in trouble. Of course, if a child is being abused then the harm's already done and outside agencies do need to be involved, but a bit of bad language that the children are giggling at rather than showing distress over is not something that needs a massive adult over-reaction to.