To be doubly doubly fucked off about exs new baby now she's born and he took my baby name!

[washingonawednesday]

That's just it in a nutshell! Dickhead not only knocked up the ow within 6 months of us splitting after leaving me with tiny baby a). His new daughter has just been born and hes called her the name we'd picked for our son if he'd been a girl.

I despair of that man.

And I'm really REALLY fucked off about everything to do with this!

FUCK!!!!!!!

I don't know the background here but, I don't think he's being unreasonable. If the name that you had for a girl was one he liked (I assume it was), then it makes sense that he would use it. If you'd had a girl with someone else, would you have used it?

I can see why you're upset, although I can't help thinking that the baby name issue is a bit of a red herring. Surely when you meet Mr Right if you have a baby together you wouldn't still want to use the name for the child you were potentially planning to have with Mr Wrong?

My friend was annoyed to find that her DD was called the name DH and his ExDW would have used if they'd had a DD. Maybe OW will be pissed off. Perhaps send a congratulations card from DS mentioning it

YANBU - surely it is an unwritten rule that new relationship = new name choices.

This does highlight though, that you are well rid - can't believe he thought this was acceptable.

I would mention it, in passing to OW. I bet it will take the shine off.

What was he supposed to do? Tell his baby's mother that he loved the name as much as she did but couldn't use it because the ex would be pissed off? Yes, I can see that would go down well.

advice on taking the shine off the new baby. nice

DId you want the name for a future Dc? Is that what you are pissed off about? Because then YABU.

YANBU to be pissed off that your ex left you and got the OW pregnant and left you with a little baby, obviously, that's into the supercunt premier league.

but I think YABU to make it all about the name thing. I think it's a bit strange that you would want to call a baby the name you had picked out with a previous partner.

outraged I'd veto the name on the grounds that it was what the ex and I had picked out, yes. I think it would put the new partner off the name as well.

But Karma, if new relationship = new name choices then the OP wouldn't have been planning on using that name for any potential future daughter herself, so what does it matter?

OP, I think you need to get over your ex. Why are you bothering to despair about him? He should be nothing more to you than a piece of dog poo that you washed off your shoes years ago. And you really shouldn't care WHAT he calls his DD.

Understandable that you are angry with him right now, but it was also his baby name too, so YABU a bit to be angry with him for this. Sounds like a twat though, and not thoughtful, but then, you already knew that, right?

Saying something to the OW would be the hight of spitefulness, she is a new mother, bonding with her child, whatever her faults, and I think you should be the better person and say nothing.

OP yanbu! He is well out of order doing that some men rally do make me sick

Really do even

I can't say I'd want to use a name I had agreed on with an ex either, but if it was a name I loved and my now DH loved and I had only ever considered it with an ex, I don't see why I shouldn't use it.

But then I wouldn't want children by two different partners in the first place, so my opinion on this isn't worth much.

YANBU to feel upset and hurt. Things will still be very raw and it must feel like a kick in the teeth. It's not the name itself but what it represents.

Still, while it feels horrible now, in years to come I'm sure you'll see it as a symbol of his general waste-of-space-ness (can't think of a better term right now).

In the meantime, I hope he's supporting his DS.

He should be nothing more to you than a piece of dog poo that you washed off your shoes years ago

This is the way she should feel about the person she created children with? Really? He is still her child's Father ffs!

Why would the ow want to use a name that you and your ex had picked?! Weird!

I can totally see why you are pissed off. Its insensitive beyond belief! I would imagine it feels like an extra knife in your heart. What a nobend.

But then I wouldn't want children by two different partners in the first place,

You will struggle to find anyone who would say that having two kids with two different partners is their first choice

Judgey, much?

I completely understand your hurt over the whole sorry situation, but people don't have ownership over names. I am really sorry this has hurt you this much, and he does sound like a dick. I wouldn't be happy in your shoes.

I would guess that his OW doesnt know that you picked it with him for your child otherwise I would bet a weeks wages she wouldnt have gone with it.

I can see why it pisses you off, its just another little niggle isnt it? When someone has done something really horrible, as he did to you, then even little seemly unimportant things suddenly because massively annoying. Its a case of "FFS!!! Is nothing unacceptable to him?!"

It's more worthy of judging than a persons choice of baby name!

My friend had a little boy with her ex and called him Bart, he left when child was a year old and got together with someone else with whom he then had a little boy and they called him Bart!

Some people just happily go around doing what they want to and sadly you just have to accept that you made the right decision to get rid and try not to let them see you're bothered.

(kids not really called bart)

Bart

He sounds a twat because he left you and bubba.

You can depend upon it that this relationship won't last too long either when the new baby shine wears thin.

Lots of hugs, just u concentrate on you and your baby.

Op tbh YABU, it's a name, I think this is more to do with how you feel about you x tbh!

But But then I wouldn't want children by two different partners in the first place,

Should I have told my DH that as I had children by XH he was not allowed to have his own biological child and would have to make do with mine? really?

I think, as well as previously mentioned reasons, it's hard because it makes you stare the fact in the face; that being 'it wasn't me and our wonderful child he wanted' it was anyone and the next child, the scene, the set-up.

Not me and my baby because we are wonderful, worthwhile, unique and important people. But 'insert generic woman here' and 'insert very quickly conceived generic baby'. It's not nice to stare at that from the wrong side. Really not very nice.

But your son is and will be important and valued in his own right as the person he is and will be - the aim is to ensure that is recognised through a continued paternal relationship. You obviously, I've taken it as read and absolutely not aimed at you par for the course, already feel those things.

And you are worth more- be fucked off at his behaviour and then find the person that treats you how you deserve to be treated.