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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DS special school should of done more?

50 replies

devientenigma · 27/09/2012 08:10

DS has been in special school since nearly 3 year old. The older and stronger he has got the harder it's been to get him there. There is only one special school in the borough that cater for severe learning disability so no choice. He has now been out of school for nearly 3 year and it's me who's doing all the leg work, all the how to's etc There is areas in which school could be helping and there are areas where they have frankly let him down.

AIBU to think they should and could of done more as well as feeling how much I hate that school?

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/09/2012 08:14

What do you mean? He has been out of school for three years?

You need to try and make your post a bit clearer, and maybe explain what you think the school should be doing. There are people on her with experience in this area that may be able to help if we can understand what the problem is Smile

whois · 27/09/2012 08:16

Huh?

threeorangesocksmorganisagirl · 27/09/2012 08:17

yanbu
I am always shocked by how children with disabilities are let down in education.
he should be in school, but they are doing nothing to help get him there.
it is so wrong. they should be working with you to get him back in school.

Sirzy · 27/09/2012 08:19

I don't think you have provided enough information in your post for anyone to judge the situation really.

ripsishere · 27/09/2012 08:20

Confused do you mean he has been left school for three years?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 27/09/2012 08:21

So do you mean he physically can't be got there? That seems really bad.

What is the situation, what do they expect you to be doing that you can't do?

Btw, you probably know but in case not, there's a section on Special Needs and lots of the posters who go there have a lot of knowledge in this area, it might be worth re-posting if you've not already.

WelshMaenad · 27/09/2012 08:21

Schools are responsible for children once they arrive in the morning. Getting children to school is a parental responsibility.

If he's out of school, he's out of school. I presume if he hasn't attended for 3 years he is no longer registered there and you are home educating? He is not the school's responsibility, he is not their pupil.

It sounds like you are having a hard time and lack support, but I don't see how it's the svhool's fault. They can't wave a magic wand and fix your life.

Original poster
devientenigma · 27/09/2012 08:27

ok sorry, DS is 11yo. The role of the EWO is for anyone who finds it hard to go to school for whatever reason, he should of been flagged everytime he missed his school bus, and didn't, I highlighted him to the service when we couldn't get him in and knew it wasn't going to happen again. We have done everything to get him into school, yet the school came for him 3 times, couldn't get him out of the house but left it at that, they didn't even bother to mention it in meetings or involve relevant services. 3 year later I have a DS who cannot leave the house for anything. Yes I'm sick of feeling trapped but when it comes to kids who are complex and challenging they should be supporting, so AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
devientenigma · 27/09/2012 08:31

except Welsh when it's been proven that the parents have done there duty above and beyond the role of parental responsibilty, someone should step in and help. He is still registered at the LA SS as children with statements can be excluded from EHE. The profs involved with DS feel he shouldn't be at home 24/7 as he is 2:1 care.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/09/2012 08:33

Horrible situation but I'm not sure exactly what you expect the school/ewo to do? They are no more in a position to force him onto the bus or into school than you are (actually they probably have less power to physically put him on the bus/into school)

If he won't leave the house it is a much bigger issue than just school - have you had a refferal to someone who can help him? If not I would be getting Onto the GP to push for that

Original poster
devientenigma · 27/09/2012 08:33

should also add DS has down syndrome, medical issues, autism and pathological demand avoidance syndrome. He is very aggressive and violent.

OP posts:
threeorangesocksmorganisagirl · 27/09/2012 08:35

a special school should be working with you to help you and him.
that is the whole point of SSchools they are supposed to give extra support for disabled children.

Original poster
devientenigma · 27/09/2012 08:37

well this is it 3sock, aren't the services supposed to all work together holistically around the child, so why does it all collapse when school are involved, yet you can't get him there.

If they were meeting his needs wouldn't he be there and feel safe to go, instead of him saying 'no school scared'

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 27/09/2012 08:39

Oh, that's awful. I'm sorry, I have no idea - but this sounds as if it's a much bigger problem that school. You need more help.

sookiesookie · 27/09/2012 08:40

OP you are having a really hard time and I am sorry you feel so desperate.

However, the school can not drag him out of the house, can they? Is the school the right people to be dealing with this? do you have any other support?

Are there other agencys that can help?

sookiesookie · 27/09/2012 08:41

Do you have idea why he is scared?

Mrsjay · 27/09/2012 08:43

I think the school should be supporting and helping you get your son to school every day whether that is providing transport or somebody to come and help you get him out the door although some of it is your responsibility, what are the school saying about him not being there,

Mrsjay · 27/09/2012 08:44

My friends son is a school refuser and we have a scheme where somebody came and helped her get him to school every day all she had to do was phone them and they came was run by LEA, he was mainstream school with no special needs, you would think a child with special needs like your son they would be more supportive ,

Original poster
devientenigma · 27/09/2012 08:45

yes we know why he is scared, the school won't accept this. School are saying and doing nothing, it's all one sided, I even have to crawl to get the newsletter.

OP posts:
Original poster
devientenigma · 27/09/2012 08:47

we used to have support to get him dressed and out to his taxi but it failed, he's even had 4 adults supporting the morning routine and failed.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 27/09/2012 08:47

and there is no other school in the area or outwith he could go too, ring your L EA and social services and ask for help,

Original poster
devientenigma · 27/09/2012 08:48

no, his statement has went to 5 neighboring authorities and when they meet him there's no space, or they can't support his needs etc

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 27/09/2012 08:48

Oh sounds distressing Im not sure what else you can do if it took 4 grown ups to get him out the door, what about residential school during the week ?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/09/2012 08:50

Can you apply to go to another school out of the borough,you can here but it may be different in Scotland from where you are,

Sirzy · 27/09/2012 08:56

It sounds like even for a special school he is very high needs and if with 4 people you still weren't able to get him to school then Unfortunatly I don't know what else could be done.

What do you feel you son needs to help him at the moment? Do you think like mrsjay said some sort of residential school could benefit him? Do you get any sort of respite care?