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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For thinking this surgeon was a bit out of order? OK, I know I'm overweight but...

156 replies

trickynicky · 26/09/2012 08:59

Not sure if I'm being oversensitive here but I was in hospital over the weekend passing a gallbladder - terrible pain. On the ward round on the following morning, Mr Bigshot, the Consultant Surgeon came round with his minions (4/5 student doctors). He examined my stomach, prodded and poked and then stated I needed to have the gallbladder removed. He then looked at my table upon which was half a piece of toast I'd eaten for breakfast and an open mini packet of butter half opened. He then ceremoniously picked up the butter and said "well, you don't want to be eating that if you have gallbladder issues - it's fat" and then he pinched a piec of my stomach and said "you've got enough here"!! I was somewhat taken aback and just mumbled "I know".... he then obviousy thought better of what he said and said "I didn't mean to insult you"........smiled, and then wondered off.....

On reflection, I am mortified. Actually, he's totally right. I am quite a bit overweight - I do KNOW that.... but wasn't this just a little bit insensitive, unprofessional etc etc or am I being over dramatic?

OP posts:

MammaTJisWearingGold · 26/09/2012 23:30

If there was no choice in the breakfast, what choice did you have. IME hospitals are the worst places as far as nutrition and healthy food are concerned.

My DS was a tot and in hospital. I had been told to keep him wheat and dairy free for reasons other than the one he was in hospital for by the paediatric consultant at that hospital. Now, at home I had been giving him a small ammount of meat, some potato and a mix of veg as his main meal. Not difficult imo! At the hospital, all they could manage was ham and chips. I know that a lot of frozen chips are covered in whey, a dairy product, so refused to give them to him. Apart from the fact that ham and chips twice a day is a far from nutricious diet.

I have recently been diagnosed with gall stones (due to pain that I have right now) and you have scared me with your description of what you have been through. I will be very rude to any consultant who is rude to me!!

DoMeDon · 26/09/2012 23:48

he pinched a piec of my stomach and said "you've got enough here"

The rest is irrelevant - he pinched you and mocked you. Fat or not he was being totally unprofessional. I prefer a forthright approach and hate sugar coating but humiliation is not the alternative.

Darkesteyeswithflecksofgold · 27/09/2012 00:01

Wonder if the surgeon would suddenly get selective memory if the OP (God forbid) developed an eating disorder.

Joiningthegang · 27/09/2012 00:01

I had gallstone pain - unrelated to fat, and my gallbladder removed - no change to dirt, all ok

I can honestly say the pain of gallstones is like nothing rlse i have ever experienced - and i have had 3 c sections

Anna1976 · 27/09/2012 02:41

"There is a reason why some surgeons do most of their work on unconscious patients" -exactly

As a surgeon on sabbatical possibly not going back because of being unable to cope with the culture of alpha-male rudeness and patronizingness I think:

(1) he was unacceptably rude, but probably has foot in mouth syndrome like most surgeons, and really probably wasn't being patronising intentionally - the pinch, to him, may have just been a skin fold test; whereas to any normal person is unbelievably hideously rude and intrusive. He could have been more sensitive to that, but surgeons do quite often need reminding what it's like to be a member of the real world.

(2) what he said was pretty mild for a surgeon

(3) He's a twat to have said it, but the main point is move forward, and take the useful message with you and remember him for comedy value

Anna1976 · 27/09/2012 02:51

ps. half the students probably thought "ah, this man is a genius, I must use that brilliant technique to get through to these stupid patients"... and the other half who will probably drop out and become lentil weaving epidemiologistsprobably thought "FFS what a dick, poor woman, why the hell did my parents tell me to pick surgery?"

Anna1976 · 27/09/2012 02:52

i need to learn to use strikethrough obviously

cocodoc · 27/09/2012 03:16

It was rude of him to pinch you and there's no excuse for that.
Please don't use it as an excuse not to take care of your health and really go for the weight loss. You could have had toast without butter and should have known already that butter would make your condition worse.
I know from my own experience that being overweight is in part due to self esteem issues and tactlessness won't help you BUT you must see the surgeon as just a surgeon (and a bit of a dickhead- his problem not yours). He has now done his bit. It's time to get your life back. Draw a line under the whole thing and stick with your low fat diet (rosemary connelly is good, I think she had gallstones too).
Do this because you deserve to be healthy, forget about the surgeon.
If you need a mental boost just look at all these replies- everyone here is cheering you on. Good luck.

monsterchild · 27/09/2012 03:24

I'm actually more surprised that he seemed to have some dim idea that he'd been a twat about it!

Most -not all!- of the surgeons I've met wouldn't have said that last bit about insulting you.

Anna1976 Infectious disease is where I would have gone had I not gotten into law school first, my mistake.

swooosh · 27/09/2012 03:49

Sometimes it's the harsh reality that drives it into people unfortunately. Surgeons are also not people people, hence why they like their patients asleep

Hope you are feeling better

swooosh · 27/09/2012 03:49

Sometimes it's the harsh reality that drives it into people unfortunately. Surgeons are also not people people, hence why they like their patients asleep

Hope you are feeling better

SittingBull · 27/09/2012 04:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MousyMouse · 27/09/2012 09:24

have asked why last weeks episode is not on their site...

MousyMouse · 27/09/2012 09:28

oops, wrong thread. sorry

harvestvestibule · 27/09/2012 09:49

'Sometimes it's the harsh reality that drives it into people unfortunately'
really? humiliating overweight people is a good way to get them to lose weight? Let me guess you're not fat swoosh?

squoosh · 27/09/2012 09:56

telling people the harsh reality in such a mean way will only encourage people to look for a bit of comfort in the fridge/biscuit tin/McDonalds.

LadyMargolotta · 27/09/2012 10:56

squoosh that is so true. It makes people run away, and no wonder.

I am shocked at all the posters who are defending this god like consultant. No wonder consultants have been able to get away with atrocious behaviour for so long.

harvestvestibule · 27/09/2012 11:05

I'm confused. Squoosh are you the same person as Swoosh??

porcamiseria · 27/09/2012 11:07

how upsetting

but aswith smoking,drugs, boose I do think the medical profession do need to be open and frank on such issues tbh

squoosh · 27/09/2012 11:11

Nope, she's my evil step sister. Or I'm her evil step sister. I forget which.

IdoknowtheMuffinMan · 27/09/2012 11:12

My DH is a surgeon and he is lovely, in fact during his training he was frequently told to be less nice, this is why I married him. When I was working I met some massive twunts though.

squoosh · 27/09/2012 11:13

Is your dh the Muffin Man? Mean Pinchy surgeon certainly wouldn't approve of Muffin Man surgeon.

IdoknowtheMuffinMan · 27/09/2012 11:19

yes he is!

When we had our first date he was a reg and his consultant was horrified that he took me to TGI Fridays.

OhGood · 27/09/2012 11:22

You could go on diet.

He will always be a tactless arse.

squoosh · 27/09/2012 11:24

Oh TGI Fridays would have been considered trés déclassé. He should have been drummed out of the profession!

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