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AIBU?

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Original poster

For thinking this surgeon was a bit out of order? OK, I know I'm overweight but...

156 replies

trickynicky · 26/09/2012 08:59

Not sure if I'm being oversensitive here but I was in hospital over the weekend passing a gallbladder - terrible pain. On the ward round on the following morning, Mr Bigshot, the Consultant Surgeon came round with his minions (4/5 student doctors). He examined my stomach, prodded and poked and then stated I needed to have the gallbladder removed. He then looked at my table upon which was half a piece of toast I'd eaten for breakfast and an open mini packet of butter half opened. He then ceremoniously picked up the butter and said "well, you don't want to be eating that if you have gallbladder issues - it's fat" and then he pinched a piec of my stomach and said "you've got enough here"!! I was somewhat taken aback and just mumbled "I know".... he then obviousy thought better of what he said and said "I didn't mean to insult you"........smiled, and then wondered off.....

On reflection, I am mortified. Actually, he's totally right. I am quite a bit overweight - I do KNOW that.... but wasn't this just a little bit insensitive, unprofessional etc etc or am I being over dramatic?

OP posts:
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 26/09/2012 16:27

Of course he wasn't being unreasonable!
You're fat. Don't you know that it's ok to insult fatties, because the did it to themselves!!! Hmm
How dare he. Twunt!

Toughasoldboots · 26/09/2012 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatBintAgain · 26/09/2012 16:33

He can say that he thinks she should lose weight, but this:

"and then he pinched a piec of my stomach and said "you've got enough here"!!"

How the actual fuck is it acceptable to pinch someone's stomach? Totally unnecessary physical contact. If someone pinched part of me for whatever reason I'd be extraordinarily pissed off.

Darkesteyeswithflecksofgold · 26/09/2012 16:36

The OP was eating what she was given.
How about these hospitals stop being hypocrites and remove the vending machines that are full of chocolate bars and crisps. And close down the branches of Burger King that are next to cardiac wards!

ChunkyPickle · 26/09/2012 16:36

I do think that you need to laugh it off - it almost sounds like he realised he went a bit far.

It's all very well saying that you don't need the fat, and maybe even saying that you already have enough, but giving said fat a pinch was going a bit far!

Darkesteyeswithflecksofgold · 26/09/2012 16:39

I had gall bladder problems AFTER losing the weight.
The pain was NOT exacerbated by eating fatty foods because i had already been on a low fat diet (slimming world) for 5 months.
The consultant told me that my pain was made worse by eating SOLID food. i had to live on water biscuits and soup until my operation.

Darkesteyeswithflecksofgold · 26/09/2012 16:48

BigBoobiedBerthaWed 26-Sep-12 12:08:08

I think also what somebody mentioned earlier is very true. You can increase your risk of gallstones when you lose weight, especially if you do it rapidly. It happened to my uncle. No gallstones when he was obese (and the OP is a long way from that) but as soon as he lost several stone, he had problems

This is exactly what happened to me. I lost ten stone in eighteen months. A stone a month for seven months and then just over a year to lose the last 3 stone.

mirry2 · 26/09/2012 16:58

I was in hospital as a private patient waiting for an investigation for gynacological cancer. The anaesthetist came in to see me pre op and said that she couldn't guarantee a safe op because of my weight ( at 14 stone I was definitely overweight) After she left I was in tears and wanted to discharge myself but a lovely nurse spoke to me saying they operated on ladies far larger than me and that the anaesthetist in question was notorious for upsetting patients like this.
After my operation I wrote a letter of complaint about the anaesthetist's comments but hear don more

renaldo · 26/09/2012 16:59

You were in that much pain from? Gallstones and you were eating butter? TBH that's not very clever is it?

Fiendishlie · 26/09/2012 18:03

When I had gallstones I could eat all the fat I liked and not have an attack, it was bread and potatoes that I couldn't eat. So it wasn't only rude and inappropriate, it was inaccurate.
Or at the very least a generalisation that isn't true for all.

peterrabbitismyfriend · 26/09/2012 18:21

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

flyingbebe · 26/09/2012 18:55

I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say that, while the surgeon was rude and you might feel it helpful to talk to PALs (where they register complaints or concerns), it is possible that he mistook how that comment would sound and who you were.

There are some people who would laugh along with the comment and joke back (not many, to be fair) and some people who would find that comment hurtful. It is the surgeon's bad communication skills that led to that comment and I think he realised that he had misjudged, which is why he backtracked.

Some healthcare professionals can be insensitive and while having a bad day/misjudging the situation isn't an excuse, especially when you're feeling vulnerable (experience with this one), it is slightly more understandable considering the job they do.

Try not to stew over it too much though. Pinching your stomach was rude, yes, but to have it ruin your day and days after that as well is overreacting slightly.

KillerRack · 26/09/2012 18:57

Am I the only person who thinks it was really rude? Confused

Dildobaggins · 26/09/2012 19:08

People need to get over themselves and stop feeling so offended at every slight comment.

The consultant was right, giving you the facts, and didn't mean to insult you.

Born2bemild · 26/09/2012 19:08

YANBU. He could be plain speaking without being so rude and lacking in manners. " It is essential for your health that you eat less fat. If you continue, this, this and this will happen" Or something.

As a teacher I might like to say " you are a lazy, lazy boy. No one likes teaching you because you are so lazy and rude. Your parents are failing you. They have taught you no manners which will make people dislike you and no one will give you a job etc" I don't think most people on MN would be pleased, even if it was effective.

Dominodonkey · 26/09/2012 19:31

I can't believe how many people are saying this was ok.

He wasn't 'giving her the facts.' That would be calmly discussing future diet plans etc.

He was being a bullying, rude arsehole and showing off in front of his pupils. I would have told him to F* off and made a complaint. The fact that a lot of surgeons are not known for their bedside manner just proves that men like this one have been allowed to get away with stuff like this for too long.

This is the 21st century yet some of your 'surgeon worship' reminds me of the tv programme 'the Royal.'

ThatBintAgain · 26/09/2012 19:48

"People need to get over themselves and stop feeling so offended at every slight comment. "

But it wasn't just a comment, was it? He pinched her stomach. On what planet is that acceptable? (I'd have been tempted to pinch the fucker back.)

Rosebud05 · 26/09/2012 19:55

Unfortunately, surgeons aren't known for their people skills - they do much better with bodies when they're anaesthetised.

He was rude and out of order, but try to focus on your own health and recovery.

IneedAsockamnesty · 26/09/2012 19:55

i wouldnt be bothered by something like that. but obviously you were.

its perfectly ok to be offended by something that may not offend others.

McHappyPants2012 · 26/09/2012 19:59

I belive HCP should give you the facts in an honest way.

This surgeon was rude and unprofessional, he could of been blunt and professional and said this tiny big of butter is going to leave you in a lot of pain.

Peeenut · 26/09/2012 20:22

I think he was very rude, it is not ok to pinch someone like that.

stitch · 26/09/2012 20:23

you shouldnt be eating fat because of the gall bladder problems. but, he was rude.

squoosh · 26/09/2012 20:32

I think consultant's ego's are the ying to all the ill health yang around them. I've never met a consultant who didn't have a hearty and robust ego. Many of them are slightly less gifted with manners however.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 26/09/2012 20:37

I think said Consultant realised himself he went a bit too far in pinching your flab. I would have been rather cross too, but would not have dwelt on it.

Hope you are on the mend.

flyingspaghettimonster · 26/09/2012 22:54

I stopped fat completely after fiding I had gall stones... then 6 months later started drinking milk again as I had no more bother - and ended up back in hospital in agony. It was another few years before it flared up again and I had my gall bladder removed. The doctors assumed I had the gall stones because I was over weight, but I hadn't been overweight when it first flared up. It was caused by drinking too much yop (the only thing I could keep down) in pregnancy.

Anyhow, someone up there said you have to have very little at after it is removed. That isn't always the case. I made no changes to my diet afterwards and have had no reaction to fatty meals whatsoever. But do be careful for the first few days - I was at a party a few days after the operation, and tried a pulled pork sandwich - and crapped myself before i could get to a bathroom. Mortifying! It took two weeks to settle down and no problems since. Good luck! :-)