Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why I'm the only one who organises dd's get-togethers?

28 replies

raskolnikov · 25/09/2012 16:47

This is about the fourth time I've organised for 5 of my dd's friends to come over for a get-together/film night/pizza night/sleepover etc. All the others have 2 parents at home whereas I'm on my own with 3 kids. They've all known each other 3-5 years and been friends all that time, so why doesn't anyone else step up and invite? DD has never even been to two of their houses and yet they're all bf's and love getting together. Am I missing something?

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 25/09/2012 16:59

Stop doing it if you don't want to!

controlpantsandgladrags · 25/09/2012 17:02

I'm guessing they don't step up because they know you will! It mush less work for them to let you host the get togethers.

Is there a pattern to how often you do it? I would just not organise anything for a bit and see if any invitations are forthcoming.

NameChangeGalore · 25/09/2012 17:03

Maybe they can't be bothered?

StepAwayFromTheORANGECakes · 25/09/2012 17:17

guess they like the time together while you babysit host the get togethers, leave it for a while and see what develops.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 25/09/2012 17:18

Maybe they have more children? Maybe they just aren't children's host type people? I know I'm not, I do it because I have to for ds's sake, not because I even remotely want to. Maybe they have been meaning to and haven't got round to it before you issue another invite? Maybe they spend more free time with extended family, or just like to keep family time special?

I wouldn't take it personally, some people just don't like doing that kind of thing.

2rebecca · 25/09/2012 17:37

I've never ordganised anything like that for my kids unless it was for a birthday. Now they are older they organise stuff themselves, but we both work and enjoy our lie ins at weekends so have no desire to fill the house with overexcited children giggling half the night.
Do it if you enjoy it, but it may be other parents' idea of misery.

Original poster
raskolnikov · 25/09/2012 18:05

Thank you for all your thoughts. I realise that some parents will think this is their idea of hell, but these girls have all gone in different directions since going to senior school and the only time they've seen each other together in 2 years is when I've done it, as I say, only 3/4 times. My daughter is very upset that she'll never see them again unless we do the inviting - the last one was 2 weeks ago and she wants to make it a regular event! Obviously that's not going to happen and so it looks like these friends will go by the wayside. Sad, huh?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/09/2012 18:09

Not that sad, no.

With electronic gadgets it's never been easier to keep in contact.

I've got 3 kids and a get together like that (for anything other than a birthday) sounds like my idea of hell...perhaps that's why no-one else does it?

Different strokes and all that.

Mayisout · 25/09/2012 18:14

I thought they were little girls but they are seniors.

Perhaps you could continue to do it but with larger and larger intervals in between. Then maybe someone else will have a go or they will just gradually drift apart as friends.

TwelveLeggedWalk · 25/09/2012 19:08

Why don't you say to your dd, yes make it a regular thing, all go to a different house each time, it'll be fun... I wouldn't try and stop it, long standing girl friendships are important. ( not saying boys' aren't, I've just never been one!)

NameChangeGalore · 25/09/2012 21:30

Why can't they meet up in a restaurant and go and watch a film in the cinema? Why do you have to organise their get togethers? Weird.

mummytime · 25/09/2012 22:39

They can organise get togethers themselves if they want to, that is what my DCs have done at that age. That is probably why other parents haven't organised anything, because if their daughters wanted to they would do it themselves.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 25/09/2012 22:41

I'm too tired. Sorry.

redwineformethanks · 25/09/2012 22:48

I think it's a shame your DD hasn't even been invited to 2 of the friend's houses. That does sound like a one way street.

MsVestibule · 25/09/2012 23:12

TBH, I'm a bit baffled by this. When I was that age (long time ago), my mum had absolutely nothing to do with my social life. Why on earth does your DD think it's up to you to host 'big' events at your house? Why doesn't she/they organise to meet up to go shopping or just hang out in each others houses Confused?

2rebecca · 26/09/2012 11:36

I agree that if they are at secondary school they can arrange to meet up together, and shouldn't really need parents apart from to maybe drive them if no buses. My kids arrange to meet their friends in the local city a 30 min bus ride away to go to the cinema or ice skating or out for lunch on a weekend. They also go out cycling together sometimes.
I don't see why they have to meet up at a house at night time rather than in the town in day time.

YouMayLogOut · 26/09/2012 11:53

What MsVestibule said.

Pandemoniaa · 26/09/2012 12:04

I hadn't realised that they were in senior school so yes, I second what others have said, they could really organise their own social life by now, surely? This doesn't have to mean sleepovers, necessarily but perhaps a film, or going into town for lunch and shopping.

Also, while it may seem sad, it's quite normal for friendships to become less intense when you are at different schools. That doesn't mean the loss of former friends, necessarily, but it is healthy to make new friends too. It's also very easy to keep in touch via the internet/phone but if the contact drifts then it was probably not sustainable anyway. Regardless of what your intervention.

These things are almost always best left to the young people concerned to sort out.

Pinkforever · 26/09/2012 12:44

Are you my sil op?-she is also a martyr and far too involved in organising her dds social life....

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 26/09/2012 12:49

Agree with the others that you shouldn't be organising your dd's life.
Can't they go to the cinema, for coffee on their own?

Floggingmolly · 26/09/2012 12:50

At senior school they usually organise their own social lives. When you say "you" do the organising, do you mean that literally or do you just give permission for the sleepover to go ahead?
If you are actually ringing round your daughter's friends you might need to back off a little and give them some space...

imnotmymum · 26/09/2012 12:50

I try and avoid all sleepover situations like the plague and I guess a lot of parents do as well( This may sound awful but on a Friday I like a glass or two and cannot have one if we have a guest Blush.) My DD was the only one from her school to go to another school and they catch up facebook, BBM, text and see in hols if want. Any sleepovers or anything are with her new friends.

Meowmi · 26/09/2012 13:06

It's not clear if you mean that you are just hosting the pizza nights/sleepovers or actually organising it for your DD.
Once they get to senior school they are more than capable of arranging to meet friends, trips to the cinema etc....What with the technology we have these days it isn't hard.

There may be one of many reasons why your DD is not getting invited over to friends houses, I for one dont want a housefull of teens of a saturday night.
I like my weekends to chill out.

Moving in different directions once you get to senior school is all part of growing up, old friends drift away and new friends are to be made this carries on right up till adulthood.
Lots of people are no longer in contact with the "Best Friends" they had in school.

You need to let your DD find her own way

ExitPursuedByABear · 26/09/2012 13:13

I find this though. DD asks if a friend can come for a sleepover and they are happy to come, but not happy to reciprocate the invitation.

DD ended up at her 'best' friend's house the other week and then phoned me to pick her up - she was whispering, and then was waiting outside when I got there Confused. This particular friend always bails out of every arrangement they make as well.

Some folk are just odd.

Keep on hosting the get togethers if you enjoy them.

Meowmi · 26/09/2012 13:37

Exit Was a sleepover arranged then the Friend changed her mind so you then had to go and pick your dd up??

Like i said there could be one of many reasons why your DD is not invited to friends houses.
My own DD's best friend spent lots of time with us, Dinner/sleepovers/days out Etc.
I also used to take her to school every day, pick her up a couple of days a week and babysit when her mum was really stuck.
DD was very rarely invited back to her house and both DD and i were a bit miffed.

It turned out that Friends parents were going through a messy breakup, And i had absolutely no idea until they said they were moving away. (We were friends but not close friends)

Looking back i totally understand why DD was never invited over. But at the time i thought it was all a bit one sided.
TBH friends mum was really greatful for the help i gave her during that time (even though i didn't actually realise that i "was" helping iyswim?)

So i never question as to why a parent chooses not to have thier DC's friends over because you never know what goes on behind closed doors.