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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have DD on reins rather than in a car or pram?

137 replies

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 24/09/2012 22:44

I have had two 'dog' comments recently from people seeing DD using reins. One was very good-natured. The other, not so much. So, I've been looking around. I think the reason that no one needs reins is not that their DCs are well behaved, listen to them and are all round angelic. I think it's because you rarely if ever see toddlers walking anywhere. They always seem to be in prams or in cars.

DD loves to run around but is a bolter. She doesn't listen about roads and was an early walker so didn't really understand about cars when she started. She is getting better but is still prone to bolting if she sees a dog/squirrel/shiny thing. She also hates to have her hand held all the time, which is one of the other suggestions. I want to know, are all the DCs amazing, well-behaved, road avoiding wonders or are they just all strapped into prams all day?

OP posts:

Napdamnyou · 25/09/2012 01:47

YANBU. Reins are fab. DS has a panda backpack which he loves. I hold the panda's tail and off we go. He looks adorable and it stops him bolting. I would far rather a toddler who could walk, walked, than was strapped in a buggy. I can't understand why some people have an issue.

LDNmummy · 25/09/2012 01:50

I already know my DD will need them soon. She already wants to be as independent as possible and tries to get on the floor at every chance and wherever we are. She is already a little bolter and can't even stand up unaided yet

I am going to be investing in some definitely.

Original poster

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 25/09/2012 01:59

I think Couthy wins the escapologist award of the day.

OP posts:

sashh · 25/09/2012 05:11

Couthy

Have you considered using ALL the ifferent reins at the same time?

Reins way better than buggy, you get to interact with your child and they learn that walking is normal.

GColdtimer · 25/09/2012 05:46

YANBU. Full stop. And anyone who says you are is ridiculous.

TheSkiingGardener · 25/09/2012 05:54

The little life backpacks are great. I used it with DS from about 11 months to 18 months all the time and it gave him so much more freedom as otherwise he would have been strapped in a buggy. Now he knows he has his back pack when we go somewhere very busy or unfamiliar and he's fine with it.

We went on a cruise last year and spent the mornings from 6 'til 7 with one of us letting DS romp around the public areas of the ship with his backpack on. Lots of disapproval and dog comments during the first week. By the second week we had loads of parents asking us where we got his back pack from. They had been spending early morning wakings in the cabin desperately tying not to wake the neighbours!

crackcrackcrak · 25/09/2012 06:00

Yanbu in any way. We thought dd and her best friend had outgrown the reins requirement (they are 3) as they had been good walkers for 6 months plus then overnight they started bolting - together! Worse than ever before! Reins went straight back in the cars and we have insisted on them for both (much easier when they have the same rule as they do lots together) whenever we need to walk near roads etc. they are also getting big lectures every time we leave somewhere abou hand holding and walking nicely and have been v solemn about it he he he.
I can't believe this is so often a debate - its not worth the risk!!!

I wonder if rein judges only have one child. It's a lot different when you are heavily pg and or have a baby in a pram and a bolting toddler!

Glittertwins · 25/09/2012 06:42

YANBU, they are for safety. It's far better that she like walking about from an early age, and safely, not ferried around by buggy or car.

I used reins on both DTs. Impossible not to have some form of them when one walked 3 months before the other and I couldn't expect a 13 month old to hold onto a buggy. There isn't enough room on pavements here to have buggy and two children holding onto it so unless I wanted to curtail early expeditions very short, I used the reins for them to walk along until they got too tired and then they hopped in the buggy.

jaggythistle · 25/09/2012 07:09

YANBU.

DS1 is now 3 and we still use the reins quite a lot (cheap clippasafe ones available in nice bright colours on amazon if anyone is looking).

we've always made him hold hands and have reins on (which we hold with his hand), then we can catch him when he bolts. most of the time he will hold hands nicely, but I'd struggle to catch him with DS2 in the pram/sling if i didn't have reins for backup.

DH once let him walk beside him and he ran across the road, luckily just in our quiet cul de sac.

TandB · 25/09/2012 07:17

YANBU

I had a backpack for DS1 and never managed to use it as he used to throw himself on the ground and perform shark-like death rolls if I put it on him.

So I always had a sling and if he wouldn't hold hands he went straight in the sling. Which also attracted a lot of comments.

You can't win!

DeathMetalMum · 25/09/2012 07:36

YANBU we have dd on reigns as at 18 months and liking to walk to the library or shops around the corner it is a must.

She didnt like them the first few times we put them on but I gave her no choice. What I like about the reigns is once they are on thats it. So if we go to the zoo or sonewhere with the pushchair where she will be getting in and out, they stay on all day rather than faffing taking them on and off.

She does get very excited about putting them on now doing a little dance.

lljkk · 25/09/2012 07:38

YANBU. But just let it go. I used reins a lot with DC1, never seemed to be practical with the others (quite happy to use buggy instead).

KenLeeeeeee · 25/09/2012 07:41

YANBU. Reins have been a lifesaver for my 3 bigger kids and I'm sure I'll use them when dc4 is in that awkward stage of preferring to walk but refusing to hold hands nicely! DS1 especially was prone to just launching in one direction and trying to make a run for it and the handful of occasions we tried not using the reins, he very nearly ended up running straight into the road. Dog-like or not, there is no way in hell I was going to chance that happening.

bigbuttons · 25/09/2012 07:46

I hate them

SecretCermonials · 25/09/2012 07:50

I tried reins with DS he went all floppy and daft, but he is not a bolter and holds my hand religiously (he panics a bit if he cant) we also, like you said, dont walk particularly far. YANBU and I will never never forget the story of a MNer who had one of her twins die as her husband was distracted by the other as they were not on reins. You do what you have to to ensure your child is safe, if DS bolted or even disobeyed an instruction wrt walking safely id have him on reins in a blink!

HappyAsASandboy · 25/09/2012 07:53

I think you should ignore them and keep using your reins.

I use them for my 2 year old twins. DS needs them because he will run and run if he's not on them and its not safe to let him. DD has them because she wants them because her brother has some! She doesn't need them because she walks predictably and will hold hands, but she loves to have them on and hold the lead herself .

It's also very cute when they hold each other's lead and walk roun in circles

honeytea · 25/09/2012 07:56

YANBU

I don't think your average toddler would be offended even if they did feel like you were treating them like a dog, dog's are treated arguably better then children by the general public very well in the UK.

I have only once seen a child on reins in Stockholm (where I live) and it was an English tourist.

WHen my son gets old enough I hope to use a reins/sling combo, MIL has said she will be deeply ashamed if we use reins, I think she will just have to get over it.

IShallCallYouSquishy · 25/09/2012 07:58

YANBU! Mine isn't old enough for reins yet but I will be using the back pack reins thingy when she's older. My mum used them for my sister and I and my SIL used the back pack thing for my nephew which he loved. He had a "school bag" like his big brother He was and is impossible to keep still for 2 minutes so they were a life saver for her!

glenthebattleostrich · 25/09/2012 08:02

I love the back packs and all my mindees now have them (parents bought them in different colours). The only problem is when we have to put them on leaving soft play and I have to do the 'pack pack' dance whilst putting them on.

We have had the dog comments, I smile sweetly and say something like 'but chasing the ball is such good exercise for them at this age' or 'oh, should I not be training them to fetch my slippers then?'

golemmings · 25/09/2012 08:04

I love reins too. Dd has abysmal coordination so although she wasn't a bolter the reins were fabulous for stopping her falling over.

They stopped her drowning too when we were at a watersports club having a picnic lunch on the jetty. Someone said my name and in the time it took for me to look up, dd had reached the edge of the jerry and was trying to jump in the river. I loved her reins.

I have a play pen too for DS which is brilliant. Shoot me now.

Roundandroundthemulberrybush · 25/09/2012 08:08

I would love to use reins but my toddler wont walk on them and I end up with him lying flat on the floor. He wont hold hands either and I end up with him lying on the floor. He is a bolter so quite frankly the safest place for him is in the buggy. He wont be in it forever but at the moment it is the safest place for him, for me and for the traffic on the road. But, then again he is my third and I no longer care or have opinions on what other people.

GalaxyDefender · 25/09/2012 08:12

People who compare having a child on reins to having a dog on a lead are partially right ... in that it's there to keep the child/animal safe from dangers they might be unaware of.
If people can't see that, they're slightly twatty, really.

I got reins for DS, as when he'd just started walking he went through a bolting phase (still remember the time I opened the door to my sister and he went haring out, got to the end of the road before either of us unfit ladies could catch up to him) and they were FAB. Don't use them now though, as he's become more road-consious than me! Stopped me from crossing the entrance to a car park the other day because there was a van coming down the road

CanIOfferYouAPombear · 25/09/2012 08:14

Yanbu at all! I always use them on DS as he is also a bolter. I've had some looks but no one has ever said anything negative. I've had lots more praise off older women about using them.

I lost them a few weeks ago though and it's given me the push I needed to train him into walking safely alongside me without them.

Bunbaker · 25/09/2012 08:15

"I always thought that reins were a lot more comfortable for the toddler than holding hands. Used them with dd1 when she was under 2, and I'm tall, and having her arm right up in the air didn't seem very comfortable for her! And especially if she tripped over - better to be held up by reins than dangling by one arm"

That is exactly how it was for us.

Reasons for reins:
More comfortable for the child
Parent too tall to hold hands comfortably
Safety
Child who won't hold hands
Child who bolts
Prevents grazed hands/knees if stumbles

Reasons for not having reins:
Very biddable child who always holds hands and never runs off
Short parent who doesn't have to bend over to hold hands

I put DD in reins as soon as she could walk, so it was never a battle to get her to wear them because it was considered normal. We also lived on an unmade up road with no pavement and we prevented many grazes by using reins.

WheresMyCow · 25/09/2012 08:17

YANBU

Just ignore them and do what is best for you and DD. We have a Little Life harness and DH always says that we've put DS on his lead but then I think it's fantastic that he can have some freedom but still be safe and well within reach as he would definitely bolt given half the chance

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