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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Too feel devastated for the wife of the teacher who has run off to France with his 15 year old pupil?

999 replies

chipsandmushypeas · 23/09/2012 17:55

What on earth went through his head when he decided to do this?! The poor woman has taken all her social networks down out of humiliation I presume. link

Crazy.

OP posts:
DogsCock · 25/09/2012 11:54

no 6th form at BB

If she is year 11 now, it would be her last.

Pandemoniaa · 25/09/2012 11:55

Nobody has suggested that this man's actions were excusable. Nobody. But some of us would prefer to take the debate further, and more accurately, from ignorant accusations about "discusting peados". What he has done is wrong. On all levels. But it really doesn't help to divert things into competitive outrage.

I am sure there is much more to this case than has currently been reported although East Sussex County Council did make a press statement this morning confirming that an enquiry into the relationship between Forrest and Megan had been underway for some time.

As said upthread, I rather suspect this ongoing enquiry has had a lot to do with the flight to France. But difficult questions are going to have to be answered about why he was still teaching at the school and why he hadn't been suspended at the outset of the enquiry. It may well be that the "authorities" (for wont of a better word) have not acted swiftly or decisively enough.

Although equally, I'm not entirely sure how (other than putting her under house arrest) you prevent a 15 year old girl from running away with anyone. Especially if you have no grounds to assume she will. I don't know how anyone could have prevented the teacher from making the necessary arrangements to get them to France either since we still live in a society where the routine removal of passports is considered an activity more appropriate to a totalitarian state.

None of the above is intended to excuse anyone.

FreudiansGoldSlipper · 25/09/2012 11:56

Of course it would paedophiles are sexually attracted to children who have not reached puberty that is why many put themselves in a position where they have access to young children

FreudiansGoldSlipper · 25/09/2012 11:58

Yes it is very worrying if the authorities did know why was he still able to teach at this school

squeakytoy · 25/09/2012 11:59

"I bet it felt like a grand, romantic adventure as she set off with him, as things often do when you're 15. Bet the only person she really wants now is her mum"

We do not know that. She probably thinks they are in love, she possibly thinks they will be together for the rest of their lives, and in the way that many teen girls do, is convinced that she is doing nothing wrong.

I remember being that age, and I remember having what my mum would deem unsuitable boyfriends (thankfully none of them were my teachers), and I would put myself first, without giving too much concern about the devastation I may have been causing my parents.

The more publicity this is given, there is less chance of them returning to face the music, and they will just hide out in europe, which is very easy to do.

squeakytoy · 25/09/2012 12:01

I would also add, it would have been extremely easy for them to get out of the UK. I went to Holland the other week on the eurostar and had a friend with me. Neither passport was checked and there was no record anywhere of the name of my passenger or that he was travelling with me. There are no border controls once you are in France either so they could easily be anywhere now within Europe.

ohanotherone · 25/09/2012 12:04

He is a paedophile. He is praying on a young girl whilst normalising this as okay in his head. Just because he is "nice", "nice looking", "normal" etc... does not mean he is not an abuser. He has a wife, what on earth is he doing with a 15 year old if it is not to have sex with her. Abuser!

Pandemoniaa · 25/09/2012 12:04

It takes them from 0-18. I had a look at the website

No it doesn't! Bishop Bell is a C of E senior school that takes pupils from 11-16.

The BB's Nursery takes nursery aged children from the local community but it should not be confused with the main school.

MrSunshine · 25/09/2012 12:05

No, he isn't. And it's preying.

squeakytoy · 25/09/2012 12:06

put the pitchfork down Ohno...

squoosh · 25/09/2012 12:07

. . . . . . . and yet still not a paedophile ohanotherone

BupcakesAndCunting · 25/09/2012 12:08

He isn't a paedophile. Sorry.

Is this whole debacle not dramatic enough without Sun readers bandying peedofile about incorrectly? Hmm

Pandemoniaa · 25/09/2012 12:09

I can see a pattern here. It's called the inability to actually spell your accusation properly and it seems confined to all those who refuses to clutter their heads with the simple fact that actually, so far as this case is concerned, the teacher is not a paedophile. Despite the wrongness of what he has done.

BupcakesAndCunting · 25/09/2012 12:09

Oh and he ISN'T good-looking.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 25/09/2012 12:09

They said on This Morning that the school has know about this for 7 months and this man was going to be suspended on Friday!

I am bloody flabbergasted that it could have been going on for this long and he is still at school and that her parents didn't know about it! Not knocking her parents at all, BTW, we all think we know are kids and we all think we'd spot something like this a mile off! How on earth have they kept it going?

Pandemoniaa · 25/09/2012 12:10

No, he isn't. He's what my mother would have called "a weaselly looking little oik".

squoosh · 25/09/2012 12:10

It would seem that lots of people don't know what 'paedophile' actually means. It's used as a rallying cry for lots of situations where it just isn't appropriate. This example being a case in point.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 25/09/2012 12:11

I think its unfairly patronizing to lump everyone into the 'burn the peedos' camp who are disagreeing that linguistics are not particularly important here.

Its a put down peculiar to MN and appears to be shorthand for 'uneducated and slightly chavvy morons'.

I am not the above and I am also fully aware that peadophile/pedophile/peedofile may not be technically correct terminology. It is, however, in common usage for sex offenders who target children.

This man is having a relationship with a child. Her appearance, he willingness, her background is not an issue.

The fact he is an adult and one in a position of power is.

I do NOT think that anyone refusing to call him a peado is making excuses for him or condoning his actions. I do not think those who use the term are idiots either.

I am just relieved that they are not blaming the child.

FreudiansGoldSlipper · 25/09/2012 12:13

Anyone else listening to radio 2

MrSunshine · 25/09/2012 12:16

Its not about technically correct. It's just incorrect. These terms have meanings for a reason.
You know what, I am just going to say it. It doesn't downplay the seriousness of the situation to say that he is not a paedophile. Because if he was, if this girl was 8 and not 15, it would be worse. It would, and we all know it.

So use the right bloody words. If you don't know, thats fine, but if you insist on using terms you know to be wrong, you are an idiot. Because while a 15 year old running off with a 30 year old teacher is fucking horrendous on a hundred levels, and is abusive, and illegal, and sickening, and all the rest, it would be worse if he was a paedophile and the child was pre-pubescent.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 25/09/2012 12:17

Just put it on Freud

FreudiansGoldSlipper · 25/09/2012 12:20

Nina Myskov seems to totally be missing the issue that she was a child at his school, apparently teenage girls can be ghastly and many having sex at that age

DontmindifIdo · 25/09/2012 12:21

oh, he was going to be suspended on Friday? then the timings at least make sense, I did wonder why they didn't wait until she'd finished this year and left the school, but if he was about to lose it all (and his wife would have to find out why he was suspsended, so his affair would come out), the 'running away rather than face the music' timing does start to make a little (twisted) sense.

It does seem more of a panic then, "I won't go to work and be told what I'm doing is wrong, I won't face my wife and explain I've had an affair and am about to lose my job, I'll just focus on the one person who thinks I'm amazing and run away from all my problems"

I really hope he comes to his senses, but it does sound like he's not really a "face the music" type. That doesn't bode well for this poor child mixed up in an adult's "life implosion". Even if they are found in the next few days, she can hardly return to the same school, so she's going to have to do her GCSEs elsewhere, under a cloud, dealing with the emotional truama of a 'boyfriend' either on the run or facing criminal proceedings.

This selfish weak man has distroyed both his wife and his 'child girlfriend' - he's ruined so many lives but I bet a pound to a dozen, he's currently feeling sorry for himself and that he's the victim.

BupcakesAndCunting · 25/09/2012 12:22

"I am not the above and I am also fully aware that peadophile/pedophile/peedofile may not be technically correct terminology. It is, however, in common usage for sex offenders who target children."

Just because it's common usage, doesn't mean it's right.

I just don't see the point in fanning the flames of this by using hysterical language. The teacher has done something bad enough and will be in enough hot water as it is. Adding the imaginary crime of paedophilia to his list of misdemeanours won't help the poor girl. In fact, if she is keeping tabs on the media here and thinks that this man that she thinks she loves so much is being branded a peedo, then she might be less willing to return home, if she thinks he will be tried for being a paedophile, rather than the less serious (but yes, still WRONG) offence of unlawful sex.

pumpkinsweetie · 25/09/2012 12:22

He is a vile piece of shit, who has groomed a young girl into having sex with him.
Peadophile or sex offender, he is still a criminal with a dirty mind who has abused his position as teacher and in effect has abducted an underage child.

I hope he is found and imprisoned.
Maybe not now, but later in her life the girl will be thankful he has been punished.
At the moment her thoughts will be clouded with what she thinks in 'love'!
But in actual fact she has been groomedSad