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AIBU?

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Original poster

Too feel devastated for the wife of the teacher who has run off to France with his 15 year old pupil?

999 replies

chipsandmushypeas · 23/09/2012 17:55

What on earth went through his head when he decided to do this?! The poor woman has taken all her social networks down out of humiliation I presume. link

Crazy.

OP posts:
TheOneAndOnlyMaryZed · 24/09/2012 22:57

I presume that what it is saying is that a father etc can't take a child without the mother's permission.

That article is about abduction, but I assume that if a father can't a stranger can't either. I just had a feeling that 16 was the cutoff, because when ds1 was rebelling and running away to Amsterdam I could stop him before he was 16, but once he turned 16 there was no way of preventing him leaving the country.

londonone · 24/09/2012 22:58

That's not what you said though Mary. You said child protection rules bar him from being alone with a student, which isn't true. You also said that simply being in a car with her is enough to get him barred from working with children ever again, I am not sure this is true.

I wouldn't give a child and haven't indicated that I would.

TheOneAndOnlyMaryZed · 24/09/2012 22:59

x-posted Pan. I'm not convinced a child under 16 can even voluntarily leave the country on his or her own. I'm not suggesting kidnapping, just taking her (illegally) out of the country. If he was still in the UK it would be different.

PanofOlympus · 24/09/2012 22:59

Well there's a direct conflict of legal wordings.

londonone · 24/09/2012 23:01

Pan this sees to contradict you
[http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/TravelAndTransport/Passports/Applyingforaneworrenewedchildpassport/DG_174106]

TheOneAndOnlyMaryZed · 24/09/2012 23:01

I said that what he had done, including breaching all sorts of child protection rules, the tweeting/messaging, and removing her from the country without parental consent would bar him from working with children again. I still think that is true, even if she denies having sex with him.

The reason I said it is that someone up thread said that the police had said there had been no crime committed. I think there have been quite a few laws broken, and certainly many guidelines.

londonone · 24/09/2012 23:03

Hmmm the law being contradictory, how unusual! I am thinking the 14 is the relevant age as the act seems to only talk about appropriate consent!

londonone · 24/09/2012 23:04

Read back Mary, that is not what you said. But if it is what you meant then I would agree

PanofOlympus · 24/09/2012 23:05

I'm reckoning the appropriate consent is the hinge, too.

In any event the CPS wouldstill consider the intersts of the girl re a prosecution. At 14 yo it wouldn't be an issue? At 15, possibly it would be.

TheOneAndOnlyMaryZed · 24/09/2012 23:07

I think we do agree - My post said:

^Pan, he has still breached all sorts of child safety rules by even being in a car with her, disregarding the tweeting, the messaging, and the taking her out of the country without her consent.

Even with sex out of the equation he has done enough to be out of a job and barred from ever working with children.^

I meant by that that he has done enough to lose his job and has committed at least one crime even if he hasn't had sex with her (which I doubt anyway).

I think all of us on this thread are essentially agreeing. I would love to know the exact law about under 16s leaving the country though; we had to confiscate ds's passport at one stage Hmm.

PanofOlympus · 24/09/2012 23:14

Yep Mary! We all agree he is a real tosser, and her welfare comes first, and the MN Legal Dept. has made some ground-breaking discoveries.....

londonone · 24/09/2012 23:17

Indeed!

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 24/09/2012 23:20

I feel sorry for the girl. She won't even realise right now that this man IS a predatory paedophile.

How do I know? I had a 6 month relationship with my NQT English teacher when I was 14yo. Even when it ended, I still didn't see it for what it was. In fact, it was only when my OWN DD got to 13yo that one day it dawned on me. This was a full 19 years after the end of that 'relationship'.

Now I see him for what he was. I have since discovered that just a year after the end of our 'relationship', he was sacked because he made a 14yo pupil pregnant. He ended up in prison and on the Sex Offenders Register.

It is such a shame that it isn't taught in PSHE lessons that if a Doctor, Counsellor, Teacher, Youth Leader of any sort, has a relationship with an under 18yo (or any vulnerable person they are in authority over), that it is not right for X, Y and Z reasons, and that nobody should allow themselves to be manipulated into a position like that.

It frustrates me that this still goes on.

I also feel VERY sorry for this Man's wife and children - it must be awful to know that your DH or your father is a paedophile.

londonone · 24/09/2012 23:24

Argh he is not a paedophile, unless of course she s prepubescent which seems unlikely given her age.

He is a creepy predatory perv but paedophile is not an accurate descriptor.

slartybartfast · 24/09/2012 23:26

ifeel sorry for the girl and her family
the news said earlier the french are not considering it illegal. so are not using too much manpower.

PanofOlympus · 24/09/2012 23:33

Also. even if a gendarme came across them, there is no arrest warrant to execute. They are not 'wanted', yet. They could inform the UK authorities so the family knows she is safe, but that's about it, I think.

Pandemoniaa · 25/09/2012 00:08

The BBC South East News report tonight identified that there have already been concerns about this relationship. The school, the local authority and the police were involved and it appears that an investigation was underway. I rather suspect that this triggered the decision to run away.

SkippyYourFriendEverTrue · 25/09/2012 00:14

Apparently they were reported for holding hands and sitting together on a trip to the US.

Not sure how much of a plan they have, they would need quite a bit of cash I would think to abscond permanently.

SaraBellumHertz · 25/09/2012 03:25

pan confused how?

In simple terms: you cannot prejudice a trial by discussing matters that would, or have been raised in the course of that trial.

You claim potential contempt on the basis of discussions here as to the pairs previous behaviour. That behaviour would form part of the wider picture in the course of a trial, through admissible evidence. Therefore there is not prejudice. Without prejudice how do you claim contempt?

Re the assertion that the CPS would take into account the interests of the victim (in terms of willingness to prosecute) above this of the public generally, unless the guide for CP's in relation to their two stage test has changed significantly since I prosecuted for them (although I'll concede it has been quite some time!) that is nonsense.

Sazzle41 · 25/09/2012 09:41

I went to a large 'comp' and it was open knowledge that 3 of the teachers , all 30's were known for preying on female students. In the case of the sports teacher he actually stalked my 14yr old spanish friend, driving by her house after work and asking to date her when he saw her pass. She always refused. I can't believe now that it was all swept under the carpet .. Oh and my 6th form Headmaster got done for pics of underage boys (& more) on his pc .. (he married hsi 'fiance' while awaiting trial)... my Dad always said it was weird he got the v good looking headboy to 'clean' his already gleaming motorbike every week..... Now i think about it, the english teacher used to wear see thru desses and encourage the 13yr old boys to perve over her too...and the male music teacher used to spend whole lessons perched on the desk of his 'favourite' boy .. What a place !

pumpkinsweetie · 25/09/2012 09:58

I feel sorry for the girls family first & formost but how awful for his wife too.
Imagine what it must feel like to find out your husband is not only having an affair but also with a school girlSad

Not only that we don't know how long it has been going on, so she could have been a lot younger when it started.

For her it must be love as she is a young impressionable girl.
For him sex as he has probably been grooming her for years-a dirty, discusting peadophile!
Hopefully she will realise soon how much her family miss her and that this relationship is not normal

Paradisefound · 25/09/2012 10:42

It was on our local bbc news last night that the school, her parents, the police and social services all new about this relationship back in July!!

wannaBe · 25/09/2012 10:50

he's not a paedophile though. If he has had sex with her then he is a sex offender, but he is not a paedophile, and tbh that kind of language doesn't help matters. There is no question that what he is doing is inappropriate and wrong but this situation cannot be compared to one where a paedophile grooms a young, prepubescent child and then goes on to sexually abuse them.

squeakytoy · 25/09/2012 10:57

he is not a paedophile. she is not a young child, nor does she look like a young child either..

I know what I looked and acted like at 15, and it was certainly not a child. I could, and did, go drinking in pubs and nightclubs, and I knew my own mind.

He is undoubtedly wrong for allowing the relationship to happen though.