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Original poster

Just found out my 11 YO is texting with a person she met on a dating website

614 replies

AgentZigzag · 22/09/2012 23:04

I want to start out by saying I take full responsibility for not checking her phone and seeing this earlier, I thought we had a sensible and responsible daughter and I've allowed myself to be misled by that thought.

She left her hotmail account open on my computer about a two hours ago, and I had a nose through her in and out box and found a change of password email from this teenage dating website. (it's always been made very clear to her that I could and would look through her electronic communications and history, although this was said a while ago)

I went to the site and found she had a fucking profile on there! And messages to and from other 'people'.

But there's one specific profile who she's contacted more, he's given her his phone number, and I presume she's given him hers, because we've just looked on her phone and they've been fucking texting each other!

In her email account she's sent him photos, of some drawings etc, but things that are obviously from a child.

He's sent her a photo of himself (which she thought she'd deleted, but I managed to get it back).

On the texts, and there are a fuck of a lot of them -

-She's told him she's 13

-Lots of talking about wanking and masturbating (even after she's told him she's 13) - which she asked me about yesterday because she didn't know what it meant, and you can see from the texts she's got no idea WTF he's talking about.

-She's tried ringing him tonight Shock she's text up to 10 to 1 at night, and from 7 in the morning.

-She's been texting him all day today - when we've been there with her!

-He's actually messaging her NOW!

I'm holding DH back from texting him to say something, because I need some advice. DH is talking about the police (if there are any of the MN bobbies I know use MN, is this that serious do you think? Is it exaggerating thinking this is a 'man' grooming what he knows to be an underage child?)

I really do feel ashamed we haven't protected her from this. We're so aware of shit like this, we honestly are, and when they're 9/10/11 YO everything seems so open and you've told them the rules and think they understand.

We got the phone for her on a contract two weeks ago because her old one broke in the summer holidays and we wanted her to be able have an OK one for secondary school (which she's just started doing the 35 minute walk to and from every day).

I'm angry for letting myself trust her and her breaking it, and for not checking her phone sooner. I don't know where to go from here. Obviously she's not got the phone and I'm looking through her email accounts (she's got two, but I can't get into one).

And what should we do about this 'bloke/man/teenager' who's texting her stuff now? Ignore him, block him?

FFS, I'm just reeling, please tell us what you think.

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 25/09/2012 15:58

That's good news :)

catgirl1976 · 25/09/2012 17:05

Oh well done. Been in court all day and just logged in to see how things were progressing. So glad they are now taking this seriously. Excellent news.

Lots of love to you and your family and huge respect for how well you are handling this.

edam · 25/09/2012 17:06

Very glad you contacted CEOP Agent and didn't let the local bobby mislead you. Hope he learns from the way more experienced, specialist colleagues address this case - and that CEOP are able to do rather more to protect your dd than merely calling the groomer. Handled properly, this may stop the man going on to target new victims and do even worse.

edam · 25/09/2012 17:09

(btw I've just checked back as I was getting confused about all the refs to the offender being 19 - he SAID he was 19, could well be much older.)

QueenofJacksDreams · 25/09/2012 17:23

Well done Agent for following through when things felt uncomfortable, you may well have saved another family some heartache Thanks You should be proud of yourself. Smile

IvorHughJanus · 25/09/2012 17:54

Well done AZZ, so glad you're getting a more appropriate police response. Hopefully you can try to relax a bit this evening Wine Flowers

SarahStratton · 25/09/2012 18:53

Please ask MNHQ to delete this thread now, it would be terrible if anything was prejudiced because of this.

I am so glad they are taking this more seriously now.

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 25/09/2012 19:13

Just had a call back from the response officer, and in the conversation he said have you had any response from the message I left? He went on to talk about something else and I thought hang on and asked him who he'd left a message for. He said he'd called internet bloke who hadn't answered so he left him a message! Shock

I really held myself back and just finished the call and then Shock at DH, who did the same back, so I called the detective from the internet unit who I'm seeing tomorrow and left a message on his voice mail because he's obviously not on duty.

I don't think there's any point ringing 101 again because they're not going to say any different to what the response officer has said, going on how the call back I had earlier went.

That's not right is it? This bloke now knows we've called the police on him and he's got all DDs details! The response officer, when I asked about this person getting the heads up on us calling them, said it was OK because they can recover anything from his computer and phone if he decides to try and get rid.

But if us ringing the police really pisses this person off, who knows what he could do. (I know a lot of this is parental paranoia, but we're trying to weigh up the risk to DD)

OP posts:
Original poster
AgentZigzag · 25/09/2012 19:15

I seriously thought of namechanging for posting this thread, but I'm so glad I didn't because you'd have thought I was bloody trolling for all the twists and turns of this!

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 25/09/2012 19:15

Uh, that really does not sound like correct or sensible procedure :O

AmberLeaf · 25/09/2012 19:20

Shock Did he seriously expect the man to call him back?

Maryz · 25/09/2012 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AViewfromtheFridge · 25/09/2012 19:27

This story is in this week's Bella - some similarities, although the police seemed to take it a lot more seriously. Sorry you're all having to go through this.

IvorHughJanus · 25/09/2012 19:27

I can't fucking believe this. I'm so sorry AZZ, I posted ages ago to tell you what you could expect from the police if you called them, and it just sounds like bollocks now. This isn't right, I cannot understand him doing that. What on earth would he have said?! 'Oh hi there, this is PC Pillock, I wish to talk to you about a possible grooming offence. Could you be so kind as to call back?'. What a fucking nob.

ProphetOfDoom · 25/09/2012 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 25/09/2012 19:28

this is bizarre. The police, I mean, not you! Which bit of the fuzz is the response officer from? Is the internet guy from CEOP?

TheGoldenKnid · 25/09/2012 19:32

he said have you had any response from the message I left?

Have I got that right - the police officer you spoke to expected 'internet bloke' to contact you in response to the message he (police officer) left for him?!? Shock That's staggering.

I'm glad somebody from CEOP is coming to see you tomorrow.

Narked · 25/09/2012 19:39

I am so angry on your behalf at the behaviour of that police officer. It reflects so badly on the police, who I'm sure haven't trained him to be such an ineffectual idiot. I might call the 'response officer' and tell him that the matter is now being handled by CEOP and pass on the contact details you have there. It might stop the ifuckwit response officer from doing more damage.

I'm sure you'll be fine overnight. If the person has heard that message they'll be too busy panicking to bother you.

Narked · 25/09/2012 19:44

I know you have much bigger things to deal with now, but once things have been resolved, please get that muppet reprimanded for the sake of all DC. What's happened to your DD could happen to any child, and not all of them will have mothers like you who will push to get it investigated properly.

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 25/09/2012 19:55

'the police officer you spoke to expected 'internet bloke' to contact you in response to the message'

The officer expected the bloke to start hassling DD through her phone! Which is a hideous thing to think really isn't it?

He said he hadn't had time to check out the persons details, so he went ahead and rang the number without knowing anything about him at all!

It's the casual way it was embedded in the conversation, like he only said about the effects of calling his voice mail and didn't think to tell us outright that he'd done it. It's pure chance I picked up on what he was saying because conversations like that go so quickly you're trying to think at the same time as talking.

I hope the person is panicking and not raging at DD.

They'll be making appointments to speak to burglars next, give them a chance to fence any goods they've got laying around.

OP posts:
TheGoldenKnid · 25/09/2012 19:58

That is really shocking. I'm the sure the guy will be panicking, but still, I understand why you're worrying.

As others have said, you might need to get this thread deleted at some point...

Maryz · 25/09/2012 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 25/09/2012 20:02

He was talking as though he believed he was telling the truth and was 19, which I would consider an adult capable of knowing it was very wrong.

Why leave a message though? You'd ring off and call again. It's such an inappropriate way of talking to this person, even we know that.

OP posts:
Narked · 25/09/2012 20:06

He's an idiot. Hopefully, the non idiot CEOP person will deal with it tomorrow. Until then, your DD doesn't have access to any media he can use to harass her and you could keep her home tomorrow if you're concerned about school. Then you know she's safe.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 25/09/2012 20:09

Surely Police are trained to be suspicious and investigate?

Honestly that is just Shock

Please go into the local station and ask to speak to a Staff Sergeant. This is out of order.