Just found out my 11 YO is texting with a person she met on a dating website

[AgentZigzag]

I want to start out by saying I take full responsibility for not checking her phone and seeing this earlier, I thought we had a sensible and responsible daughter and I've allowed myself to be misled by that thought.

She left her hotmail account open on my computer about a two hours ago, and I had a nose through her in and out box and found a change of password email from this teenage dating website. (it's always been made very clear to her that I could and would look through her electronic communications and history, although this was said a while ago)

I went to the site and found she had a fucking profile on there! And messages to and from other 'people'.

But there's one specific profile who she's contacted more, he's given her his phone number, and I presume she's given him hers, because we've just looked on her phone and they've been fucking texting each other!

In her email account she's sent him photos, of some drawings etc, but things that are obviously from a child.

He's sent her a photo of himself (which she thought she'd deleted, but I managed to get it back).

On the texts, and there are a fuck of a lot of them -

-She's told him she's 13

-Lots of talking about wanking and masturbating (even after she's told him she's 13) - which she asked me about yesterday because she didn't know what it meant, and you can see from the texts she's got no idea WTF he's talking about.

-She's tried ringing him tonight she's text up to 10 to 1 at night, and from 7 in the morning.

-She's been texting him all day today - when we've been there with her!

-He's actually messaging her NOW!

I'm holding DH back from texting him to say something, because I need some advice. DH is talking about the police (if there are any of the MN bobbies I know use MN, is this that serious do you think? Is it exaggerating thinking this is a 'man' grooming what he knows to be an underage child?)

I really do feel ashamed we haven't protected her from this. We're so aware of shit like this, we honestly are, and when they're 9/10/11 YO everything seems so open and you've told them the rules and think they understand.

We got the phone for her on a contract two weeks ago because her old one broke in the summer holidays and we wanted her to be able have an OK one for secondary school (which she's just started doing the 35 minute walk to and from every day).

I'm angry for letting myself trust her and her breaking it, and for not checking her phone sooner. I don't know where to go from here. Obviously she's not got the phone and I'm looking through her email accounts (she's got two, but I can't get into one).

And what should we do about this 'bloke/man/teenager' who's texting her stuff now? Ignore him, block him?

FFS, I'm just reeling, please tell us what you think.

A child protection woman from CEOP just called back (very quick seeing as I only put the report in 10 odd hours ago) and she's forwarding what I've said to their point of contact at the local police.

She didn't think DD was responsible, but did say she'd need some more education on how to keep safe on the net.

She also agreed we should be concerned this bloke has DDs details.

I've got her details in case I'm still not happy after I've talked to the response officer when he calls.

op - please read this www.inbrief.co.uk/offences/grooming-children.htm

I am very very concerned about possible outcome via your local police

this seems to make it very clear that online chat with an intention to commit a sexual act (either video cam or in person) AND indecent text messages are a crime.

Perhaps there is some debate as to whether you could prove that the man intended to commit a sex act, but the indecent communications are clear.

Maybe that's what the response officer was talking about last night catstail, that if this person has been convicted/cautioned for it before that would show them what his intentions were?

yes absolutely

Im at work and just logged in at lunch time to see how things are Zig.

I did the CEOPS basic course a few weeks back and they told us that when we are working with young people, we need to make sure they know that sharing an explicit image even by text to someone you know is an illegal act. I didnt know that before that course. I can check the handbook we were given for more information if anyone would like, but I thought that, although there has been no mention of images so for for Zig's daughter, it would be useful information for the rest of you.

www.thisisleicestershire.co.uk/Leicestershire-paedophile-Craig-McGuire-groomed/story-16975251-detail/story.html.. This is on the front page of our local paper today. Hope you get more help from CEOP, it's very worrying that the police are so blasé about these situations.

Because of CEOP (and you pointing them out, plus saying the response officer didn't sound right) a detective from the internet section of a special unit's called and asked to come round tomorrow to get some more details.

He told me to make sure the phone's safe so he can take it with him, and he might need the computers for a short while.

Said they'd be looking at doing 'more than just ring to tell them off'.

He rang just as I was wondering whether I was being unreasonable to hassle them when they know their job better than I do.

Great news. Well done!

Trust the people here, ZZ. You're doing the right thing.

Agent, you're definitely doing the right thing in pursuing this. The "man" is 19 and talking dirty to a girl he knows is only 11. That's pretty disgusting in my book and I'm pretty liberal.

That's a good result. I'm a bit shocked you had to go through CEOP to get it though...

Have been watching this in

I have learnt so much today. And was amazed again at the power and wisdom of MN

Well done Agent ZZ, I hope you and your family get over this in the best possible way. Will be thinking of you and your DD.

Sounds like a much better result. Good luck with it all.

Parenting is so much scarier these days than it was when I was 11! Our parents had no idea how easy they had it!

So glad they are taking it seriously. Well done ZZ

That's really good news. I'm so pleased they are doing something.

If anything does come of this, it's directly down to MN because we were stumbling about in the dark.

Never heard of ceop, and wouldn't have known enough to feel confident questioning what the officer said he was going to do.

And by MN I mean the posters collectively.

Agent

i am so proud of you for not backing quietly into a corner on this, well done you

This is why MN was created; by parents for parents.

I know it wasn't her intention, but it was doingupthehouse who gave me the kick I needed this morning when she said I should cool my heels. I thought she was wrong and realised I'd have to try and do it before the response officer rang internet bloke.

Great news Agent - I had to go to bed last night and actually felt bad leaving the thread as I could sense how torn you felt about it all. So glad you are now getting the response you deserve

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with questioning the police about their line of enquiries. It is wholly different to complaining. A defense barrister is a LONG way off, but if that does come along it is their job to attempt to make the officer look useless. If that's all the defense has - a mother questioning the officer's decision about what is going to happen to the man sex texting her child- then they have a weak case. I would hope a jury/magistrate would see through that. Besides officers know what hell court is, they are used to it.

The jury do not see through it - if I had known what I know now - I wouldn't have bothered pushing for a prosecution in the first place.

I spent 3 days being labelled as a hysterical mother who badgered people into lying. And I wasn't a witness so I didn't have a voice to refute anything.

I hope that if this proves to be an adult they prosecute him - but I would love to see some stats produced that tell you how many successful prosecutions result in a guilty verdict from a not guilty plea.

Glad they are taking more action though - our children need to be protected.

op sorry meant to say - I didn't hold back from chasing the police - do understand - I wasn't happy with their speed etc - this is what parents in this situation do I think - we want answers and action.