I want to start out by saying I take full responsibility for not checking her phone and seeing this earlier, I thought we had a sensible and responsible daughter and I've allowed myself to be misled by that thought.
She left her hotmail account open on my computer about a two hours ago, and I had a nose through her in and out box and found a change of password email from this teenage dating website. (it's always been made very clear to her that I could and would look through her electronic communications and history, although this was said a while ago)
I went to the site and found she had a fucking profile on there! And messages to and from other 'people'.
But there's one specific profile who she's contacted more, he's given her his phone number, and I presume she's given him hers, because we've just looked on her phone and they've been fucking texting each other!
In her email account she's sent him photos, of some drawings etc, but things that are obviously from a child.
He's sent her a photo of himself (which she thought she'd deleted, but I managed to get it back).
On the texts, and there are a fuck of a lot of them -
-She's told him she's 13
-Lots of talking about wanking and masturbating (even after she's told him she's 13) - which she asked me about yesterday because she didn't know what it meant, and you can see from the texts she's got no idea WTF he's talking about.
-She's tried ringing him tonight 
she's text up to 10 to 1 at night, and from 7 in the morning.
-She's been texting him all day today - when we've been there with her!
-He's actually messaging her NOW!
I'm holding DH back from texting him to say something, because I need some advice. DH is talking about the police (if there are any of the MN bobbies I know use MN, is this that serious do you think? Is it exaggerating thinking this is a 'man' grooming what he knows to be an underage child?)
I really do feel ashamed we haven't protected her from this. We're so aware of shit like this, we honestly are, and when they're 9/10/11 YO everything seems so open and you've told them the rules and think they understand.
We got the phone for her on a contract two weeks ago because her old one broke in the summer holidays and we wanted her to be able have an OK one for secondary school (which she's just started doing the 35 minute walk to and from every day).
I'm angry for letting myself trust her and her breaking it, and for not checking her phone sooner. I don't know where to go from here. Obviously she's not got the phone and I'm looking through her email accounts (she's got two, but I can't get into one).
And what should we do about this 'bloke/man/teenager' who's texting her stuff now? Ignore him, block him?
FFS, I'm just reeling, please tell us what you think.
AIBU?
Just found out my 11 YO is texting with a person she met on a dating website
AgentZigzag · 22/09/2012 23:04
Nothing as yet, thanks for asking.
I've been in touch with an organisation called 'Stop it Now!' to ask them what they made of the 'complaint' thing the detective said, and they reckoned it was because I was referred to the police through CEOP that I'd have to make it 'formal' which would involve giving statements etc. We'll just hang off deciding until the last minute I think.
The school was excellent as well, took the names of the girls, had a word with the two worst ones, and gave DD somewhere to go (computer room, science club) in the breaks where she didn't have anyone to kick about with. They called me back within 2/3 hours saying they'd done this and said get back to them if anything else crops up
She's much happier (and so am I) and finding new people who didn't go to her primary 
Hello there Interpretive
Well DD hasn't come back from school unhappy since they sorted it, and it was a daily thing for a couple of weeks
She seems to have broken the cycle and got a new routine with new people going. There is a bit of flack about her crap phone 
but she just shrugs it off because they don't know the reason why she has it.
We do mention what went on, but mostly as reminders of different internet safety stuff when it comes up naturally.
DH emailed detective bloke earlier on today to check it was OK for us to transfer all the contract entitlements on her phone to a new SIM card (they wouldn't let us suspend the service while it's with the police - wankers) or whether they'd still need to be able to use it.
So maybe he'll tell us more when he emails back?
I know I've said it already, but really, thank you to everyone who took the time to post 
We would have had shit loads more stress trying to take those decisions on our own.
So although we don't know how it's going to end yet, it could have turned out very differently if you lovely vipers weren't there
It's Tesco mobiles £10 a month tariff Gymbob.
When DH asked the detective about suspending DDs phone contract, I initially thought he was being cheeky but the detective assured us it was a pretty standard thing to do, and offenders do it when the police are holding their phones. He said straight away just give them his email and get them to contact him to confirm they're holding it as evidence.
We're getting a Tesco PAYG SIM card and they're going to transfer the contract rights to that, which I'm going to have and use because it's a better deal than mine.
DH was getting very 'frustrated' with them earlier
That the people on the other end of the internet could well be hairy handed truckers wasn't a new thing to DD, I've always talked to her about it. I think she understands it was an illusion and wasn't giving her the friendship she thought they had, she was looking for an understanding voice on the outside and found it partly in them.
You can be there to talk to and approachable 24/7, but that's no guarantee they'll choose to come to you with what's worrying them.
Maybe I'm trying to make myself feel better thinking that?
How long ago did it happen to your DD? Is it something she thinks about regularly still? It must worry you she refuses to believe there's a possibility they might not have been genuine. But for her to do that might be very painful, like a betrayal of how she read the situation?
Thanks Chipping, and LadyS, bloody RL, don't talk to me about RL
Morning Zigzag,
Found this thread last night, couldn't believe I'd missed it and then I looked at the dates: we were on holiday with no Internet access 
I've read the entire thread. Won't go over old ground, just want to add my support. I did know about ceop and what they do (even looked at joining them when they were first created).
I hope you hear some news about the case soon.
Sending you {{hugs}} xxx
She'd built it up in her head Chipping and thought we'd go spare, which of course we did to start with, my face was a halloween version of as I was processing what she'd done. But it calmed down relatively quickly (compared to my first thought of not letting her have a phone until she leaves home ).
Depending on how you found out Gymbob, I think DD might have accepted it was not as it seemed because she was already feeling uncomfortable at the sexual content of the texts and was having difficulty stopping the texts. If I'd have found out before that point she could have been more resistant to the idea that the person was getting something sinister from the contact? She'd already found out for herself, so our reaction just backed that up. (I would PM you but something's broken on MN and my bookmarks, preview and message poster buttons aren't working, other people are having trouble too so I'll check it later )
Hope you had a great holiday Shifty
It was good family fun but not fabulous... Isle of Wight!!
Glad things have calmed down xxx
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Not gatecrashing at all pineapple! But you could start a thread about it to get advice from more posters, usually they ask questions about stuff you hadn't even thought relevant before posting.
It's not a very nice thing to find, if it were me I'd probably not mention anything to her because it looks to have ended such a long time ago, especially if you know she doesn't want to talk about it anyway.
Plus it'd give her the heads up you were keeping your eye on her facebook account 
Could you just go through the internet safety stuff (emphasising not sending naked pictures - do you think she sent one to him?) in a general way and not linked to this lad at all? If you don't think she'll take any notice of a run through of them all at once, perhaps you could bring them up singly at different times?
14 is a difficult age though isn't it? Lots of sympathy for that in itself
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