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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome my dogs?

331 replies

toughdecision · 22/09/2012 22:31

I've NCed for this and apologies in advance for the rambling nature of this post. Am trying not to dripfeed.
DD is 8 months old. My dogs are 9 years old and I've owned them since they were 8 weeks old, they are 5 months apart in age.
One of my dogs has growled and challenged my DD on a number of occasions, she's never bitten anyone before (she has mouthed me when she was a lot younger, when I was grooming her as she hates it. I don't groom her now at all, I send her to the groomers every 2 months for a short clip to keep her coat in check). I'm worried she might bite my DD although she has shown affection towards her as well at times.
I have been removing my DD when the dog has growled/challenged and locked the dogs in their sleeping area. I spoke to a behaviourist at a shelter this week and she said I shouldn't remove my DD as this is sending the wrong message to the dog, that what she is doing is okay, she says I should leave DD where she is and correct the dog's behaviour by banging 2 saucepans above her head and this will show her I'm pack leader. I tried banging a biscuit tin when the other dog was barking incessantly and she did stop but my DD was sobbing because the noise was so loud.
I'm very nervous about not removing DD as I do feel it's putting her at risk.
I'm waiting for the shelter to get back to me as I'd want them to be rehomed together as they've never been apart from each other for longer than a few hours if they are at the groomers separately or at the vets.
At the moment, they don't have much of a life. They spend a lot of time in their sleeping area because of the growling and they never get walked anymore as I can't manage them and the pushchair on my own (I have to go down steps to get out of my house and they are very unruly on the lead) and my DH doesn't feel they need to be walked as they're quite sedate breeds and he thinks they're happy [sceptical]. They used to spend all their time being fussed and loved, now they're just being told to constantly move or get in their bed.
But when I look at them, I can't imagine them not being here or with us, they've been our babies for so long.
I've talked to friends and family in RL and I'm getting very mixed opinions, they all know how we feel about them.
DH doesn't really want to rehome but feels that it's making me very stressed out (which it is) and it would take away that anxiety for me.
I really don't know what to do. I feel guilty for keeping them as their quality of life has decreased as they never get walked anymore and they confined a lot of the time but then I also feel guilty if I rehome them that I've not tried hard enough.
I also can't rehome them separately or get rid of one because they are very attached to one another, when we do take them out if one of us crosses the road before the other and they're separated, they are desparate to get to one another. They are in excellent health for their ages and although they are unruly on the lead, they are small dogs and are very affectionate and friendly (apart from the growling dog with my DD).

OP posts:
InvisibleHotPinkWeasel · 23/09/2012 12:51

Actually I am being unfair.

The op hasn't come back. If she is a decent person and loves her dogs perhaps this has been the kick up the arse she needed to go out and do something, or at least tell her h to stop being such a dick.

For the dogs sake, and any future siblings her child may have (can't ditch the older child when the new one comes) I really hope so.

cory · 23/09/2012 12:57

What's with this useless husband who can't look after his own baby for half an hour while the OP walks the dog?

And what will the OP do if they ever have a second child? A determined toddler can exercise at least as much tug on a lead as a shi tzuh. Will it be time for rehoming again?

Booboostoo · 23/09/2012 13:05

A lot of what I might want to say has already been said in this thread and I am not sure if OP is still reading, but if you are try this (it's very simple and surprisingly effective);

As soon as the dog growls at the baby, say nothing, pick up the dog and pop him in an empty room. Leave him in there for a few minutes and let him out (if he is howling and scratching wait until a moment when he is quiet and then let him out). Say nothing. Repeat as necessary but most dogs get the idea that this behaviour gets you banned from the group after 2 at most 3 repetitions.

lovebunny · 23/09/2012 13:19

and if you need to part with the dogs for the sake of the child, do so.

don't be afraid to put your baby first. giving up the dogs does not mean you'll give away the first baby when you have a second - how ridiculous.

dont' be guilt-tripped into letting your baby be at risk.

Viviennemary · 23/09/2012 13:26

I'm not a dog person. But confining dogs and never walking them is just absolutely not acceptable. Either sort it out or re-home the dogs. Why can you not walk them in the morning before your DH leaves and at night when he is at home. It's not rocket science. Honestly!!!! This has made me quite irritated.

applepieinthesky · 23/09/2012 13:27

I'm not trying to guilt-trip the OP into anything. However, it doesn't seem like she is making much of an effort to put things right before deciding to rehome the dogs. It appears to me to be a bit of a knee-jerk reaction.

Kalisi · 23/09/2012 13:27

I think the whole 'danger to my baby' thing is something the OP and husband has conducted in their heads because they cant be bothered to look after their responsibilities now baby has come along. Re-home the poor things their time with you is obviously done. Very sad and preventable situation.

lovebunny · 23/09/2012 13:30

i put it to you that 'danger to my baby' is not a concoction but an actual and probably fair assessment of the situation.

Kalisi · 23/09/2012 13:37

Nope, so far i've only heard of a dog growling. If that was the whole issue here, the fact the dogs are not being walked and being cooped up all day will have nothing to do with it.

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 23/09/2012 13:38

I put it you that 'surplus to requirements now that we have a real baby to play with' is an actual and probably fairer assessment of the situation.

akaemmafrost · 23/09/2012 13:53

The OP is NOT putting her baby first by getting rid of these dogs she is putting herself first because she can't be arsed with them anymore.

ilovesooty · 23/09/2012 13:56

I put it you that 'surplus to requirements now that we have a real baby to play with' is an actual and probably fairer assessment of the situation

The OP is NOT putting her baby first by getting rid of these dogs she is putting herself first because she can't be arsed with them anymore

Absolutely.

D0oinMeCleanin · 23/09/2012 14:17

My toddler has become aggressive since I had the baby. I don't have time for him anymore so he is left in his playpen most of the day. We used to go to the park every day but now I cannot manage with the baby so the toddler never gets out. Every time the baby needs me I chase the toddler away into his play pen and ignore him.

^ This is what is happening with these dogs. There is a very good chance that their behaviour will change when they receive the correct amount of exercise and mental stimulation.

Any living creature would become aggressive living in the situation the OP describes. Dogs are not toys. They need time and work, exercise and companionship, training and love. None of which the OP is giving them because she has a real baby now. If she cannot manage two simple walks a day because she has a buggy, well then heaven help when her baby turns into a toddler.

InvisibleHotPinkWeasel · 23/09/2012 14:23

Actually the op stated "growled and challenged" in regards to one of the dogs and an 8 month old child. This in itself is pile of bollocks.

How the hell can a dog be in a position to growl at and "challenge" a baby?

Unless the people in charge of both child and dogs simply aren't up to doing the care of either sufficiently.

wildpoppy · 23/09/2012 14:29

Nanny0gg - am I meant to go with all the other posters because they are a majority. This is a discussion board, for, you know, discussion!

Imagine the headline:

Child maimed by dog with history of ill temper.

Bet the mn jury would be first to criticise the parenting then.

Anyway, as we all know, having a baby is very difficult. If op cannot cope with dogs and baby, and god knows I found it difficult enough to cope with just a baby, then good for her for addressing it.

Toughasoldboots · 23/09/2012 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onlymydogunderstandsme · 23/09/2012 14:44

I agree with others who have said how sad it is when a baby comes along people just ship the dog off, you take them on for life! I walk my dog with my DS in a sling/carrier is this an option for you as then you have two hands free? My DS loves it, it's good exercise for me and fresh air for DS.

DreamsTurnToGoldDust · 23/09/2012 14:44

What the hell are you on about wildpoppy? history of ill temper Confused Are you just making that up as I cant remember seeing anything about that over the past 260 posts.

D0oinMeCleanin · 23/09/2012 14:47

wildpoppy OP has not even tried to cope.

Her dogs are never walked. She cannot give reasons as to why she can't walk them before her DH goes to work and after he comes home.

The dogs are tiny, she cannot give reason as to why she can't just tie them to the pram like normal, non hysterical people do.

They are locked behind a stair gate and ignored for most of the day/night.

It doesn't take a genius to work out that this will create behavioural issues.

brdgrl · 23/09/2012 14:49

If the OP is a terrible, horrible, irresponsible dog owner, then these dogs are better off being rehomed.

If for ANY reason, she isn't willing or able to mimimise the potential harm to her child, then she'd be adding to a bad situation by being an irresponsible mother as well.

Maybe it is the OP's fault her dogs are growling and displaying aggressive behaviour. Maybe not. But it doesn't seem likely to be resolved, so the dogs and the baby are better off living apart.

And I will go way out on a limb here and say that in that case, the baby is the family member who should remain in the home.

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 23/09/2012 14:52

Except the dogs won't be rehomed. The reality is that she is sentencing them to death because she can't be arsed to care for them properly.

McHappyPants2012 · 23/09/2012 14:59

What I don't get is that the op has a bad back, yet can cope with the demands of a baby but not take the dogs for a walk

ilovesooty · 23/09/2012 15:07

She hasn't said why her husband won't walk the dogs or why he can't watch her daughter while she does it.

ilovesooty · 23/09/2012 15:09

Except the dogs won't be rehomed. The reality is that she is sentencing them to death because she can't be arsed to care for them properly

Absolutely - which imo is why she's so utterly cruel, irresponsible, feckless and beyond contempt.

squoosh · 23/09/2012 15:13

And I will go way out on a limb here and say that in that case, the baby is the family member who should remain in the home.

Oh well done you and your low level sarcasm. This is an issue of someone whos sees dogs as being disposable once they become boring/tiresome/too much work.

Before getting a dog try and think about the next 15 years of your life and ask 'Is there a possibility that my lifestyle will change to the degree that I will no longer wish to be a dog owner?'. If the answer is yes, then don't buy a dog. It's that simple.