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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome my dogs?

331 replies

toughdecision · 22/09/2012 22:31

I've NCed for this and apologies in advance for the rambling nature of this post. Am trying not to dripfeed.
DD is 8 months old. My dogs are 9 years old and I've owned them since they were 8 weeks old, they are 5 months apart in age.
One of my dogs has growled and challenged my DD on a number of occasions, she's never bitten anyone before (she has mouthed me when she was a lot younger, when I was grooming her as she hates it. I don't groom her now at all, I send her to the groomers every 2 months for a short clip to keep her coat in check). I'm worried she might bite my DD although she has shown affection towards her as well at times.
I have been removing my DD when the dog has growled/challenged and locked the dogs in their sleeping area. I spoke to a behaviourist at a shelter this week and she said I shouldn't remove my DD as this is sending the wrong message to the dog, that what she is doing is okay, she says I should leave DD where she is and correct the dog's behaviour by banging 2 saucepans above her head and this will show her I'm pack leader. I tried banging a biscuit tin when the other dog was barking incessantly and she did stop but my DD was sobbing because the noise was so loud.
I'm very nervous about not removing DD as I do feel it's putting her at risk.
I'm waiting for the shelter to get back to me as I'd want them to be rehomed together as they've never been apart from each other for longer than a few hours if they are at the groomers separately or at the vets.
At the moment, they don't have much of a life. They spend a lot of time in their sleeping area because of the growling and they never get walked anymore as I can't manage them and the pushchair on my own (I have to go down steps to get out of my house and they are very unruly on the lead) and my DH doesn't feel they need to be walked as they're quite sedate breeds and he thinks they're happy [sceptical]. They used to spend all their time being fussed and loved, now they're just being told to constantly move or get in their bed.
But when I look at them, I can't imagine them not being here or with us, they've been our babies for so long.
I've talked to friends and family in RL and I'm getting very mixed opinions, they all know how we feel about them.
DH doesn't really want to rehome but feels that it's making me very stressed out (which it is) and it would take away that anxiety for me.
I really don't know what to do. I feel guilty for keeping them as their quality of life has decreased as they never get walked anymore and they confined a lot of the time but then I also feel guilty if I rehome them that I've not tried hard enough.
I also can't rehome them separately or get rid of one because they are very attached to one another, when we do take them out if one of us crosses the road before the other and they're separated, they are desparate to get to one another. They are in excellent health for their ages and although they are unruly on the lead, they are small dogs and are very affectionate and friendly (apart from the growling dog with my DD).

OP posts:
DreamsTurnToGoldDust · 23/09/2012 11:37

The sad thing is OP wont come back thread will die.....

And, in a couple of weeks time another NC OP will come on and say exactly the same thing, these threads are becoming too frequent. A dog is for life, not until you have a baby. [sign, wasting my time arnt I]

freddiefrog · 23/09/2012 11:48

Sorry, not read the whole thread so apologies if I'm repeating everyone else

If you're really set on rehoming them, speak to the Dogs Trust as they pledge to never put a healthy dog down

FWIW, my dog has growled at my DDs a few times. It's how he communicates that he's had enough and needs to be left alone for a while. It doesn't mean that he's going to attack them. When my DDs were younger they didn't understand that so it was up to me to intervene

With the pulling on a lead, have you tried a Halti? My springer pulled like a train, we tried everything. Out of desperation we bought a Halti. Stopped the pulling instantly so we could work on walking to heel. He's now fine on any lead

ilovesooty · 23/09/2012 11:51

I agree with those who say the OP simply doesn't want the dogs any more now she has a baby, and was hoping when she mentioned the growling people would validate her desire to get rid. She NC because she knew she'd get some flack (justifiably) as well. TBH I think she desreves all she got and a hundred times more. Her husband sounds an idle uncaring waste of space as well. Personally if I lived next door to her and was aware the dogs weren't being walked I'd report her in a heartbeat. She can't be bothered to address the situation when there are viable solutions and her attitude is beyond contempt as far as I'm concerned.

HappyAsChips · 23/09/2012 11:53

Actually toughasoldboots I do know a fair bit about dogs and dog behaviour. I have had dogs all my life. They've been loved, looked after and most importantly, trained properly. I know that dogs have separation anxiety, but people really do seem to believe that dogs think like humans. They don't. Their fear is primal. They are not emotional like humans. And contrary to the popular belief of animal lovers, they are happiest when treated like animals, not babies!

Rehoming a dog responsibly is not a mortal sin. I had a Labrador who was the most amazing dog ever. I loved him to bits and would never have considered rehoming him after babies came along. He adored my children, and they adored him. (I talk about him in the past tense as he had to be put down due to illness when he was ten, he wasn't rehomed!) Maybe the op should make more of an effort to keep her dogs. But, my main point is that people sometimes choose to rehome their dogs for the good of their children, themselves, their dog/s, and sometimes for their own sanity. She shouldn't be vilified for considering this course of action. Some posters on here have been extremely rude, when all she wanted was some objective advice.

LucieMay · 23/09/2012 11:54

Dh looks after the baby, you walk the dogs. Problem solved no?

I always think dogs are like children, which is why, although I like them, I'd never get one. If you're not willing to put in the commitment which a child requires, don't get them.

Toughasoldboots · 23/09/2012 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 23/09/2012 12:02

all she wanted was some objective advice

IMO she didn't. She wanted validation for a course of action she'd already decided on. There are viable solutions she won't consider and the dogs are teated badly now and will be virtually impossible to find a new home for. That can't be classified as "resonsible rehoming" by any definition.

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2012 12:02

Who else thinks that the OP won't be back? (not under this name, anyhow).

ilovesooty · 23/09/2012 12:02

responsible - sorry.

brdgrl · 23/09/2012 12:03

A dog is for life not until you have a baby

Unless you have a genuine concern that the dog will hurt your baby.

Then you attempt to address and manage that concern (and maybe this is where the OP needs to do more of).

But if for any reason - including that you are not or cannot be completely committed to addressing and managing the situation - the genune concern persists...

Then, the dog goes.

InvisibleHotPinkWeasel · 23/09/2012 12:04

My dh is working today. DD (2) and I are having a coffee and haribo, as our reward or taking the dog for a walk in the rain.

I have a 5 month old Labrador/Donkey hybrid who is already stronger than I am, yet still we succeeded.

ilovesooty · 23/09/2012 12:04

Who else thinks that the OP won't be back? (not under this name, anyhow)

Of course she won't. I'd love to know what name she usually posts under so I can give her a very wide berth in future.

D0oinMeCleanin · 23/09/2012 12:07

Dogs do have emotions, just not as complex as ours, they don't feel abstract emotions such as guilt.

They feel simple emotions such as happiness, love, fear, grief.

Two nine year old dogs would feel grief and fear if they were suddenly dumped in a rescue center away from all they know. They would probably become depressed and stop eating. They might start self harming or develop obsessive behaviours such as constant pacing or over grooming.

The chances of them being rehomed together and quickly is slim, as Midori pointed out well behaved puppies are being pts for want of enough homes. These two dogs stand very little chance.

All this for sake of walking them. Poor dogs. Selfish, selfish OP.

I honestly can not get my head around this at all. I've walked dogs, trained puppies, cut back on non essentials to pay for behaviorists all with children and babies in tow. But then I was raised properly and firmly believe a dog is for life. My dogs my responsibilities.

Toughasoldboots · 23/09/2012 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 23/09/2012 12:18

My 8 year old dogs thought they'd been dumped once. They hadn't. We were emigrating and they went into kennels for a week (for the first time in their lives) while the move took place. We thought this would be the easiest for them. It wasn't. They were in a terrible state when we got them back. They hadn't eaten, had become skin and bones (only small dogs) and were visibly ill with the stress of being away from their family in a strange place. Don't ever under estimate how much a dog feels loss.

D0oinMeCleanin · 23/09/2012 12:19

My Dad's spine is crumbling due to severe arthritis. His doctors have told him he will be in a wheelchair within 12 months.

He walks his three young lurchers (one of which is built like a fecking bull) every night without fail for a minimum of 90 minutes. He knows he cannot manage them on a lead so he bundles them all into the car and drives them to the local off lead beach where they can jump straight out of the car off lead.

He is already researching off road motobility scooters so he can keep his dogs once he is confined to a wheelchair. He's also got me to help him walk so I can get used to his dogs and they can get used to me and teaching me to drive so I can help when his health fails.

He is determined he will keep his dogs and they will keep their quality of life. Where there is a will there is a way, as long as you actually care that is.

Toughasoldboots · 23/09/2012 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wildpoppy · 23/09/2012 12:28

Not read entire thread and not a dog owner. But I think if you have any worries at all that your dogs might harm your baby then the dogs must go and you know that. And I think it's brave of you to admit it. Imagine if they attacked her and you'd not acted on your fears.

Toughasoldboots · 23/09/2012 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2012 12:34

Wildpoppy Instead of jumping in with both feet, how's about you spend a couple of minutes actually reading the thread? There are actully a couple of hundred relevent posts which completely contradict yours. (And I don't own a dog either).

Abra1d · 23/09/2012 12:34

The dogs are aggressive because they feel unloved, displaced and bored. They are not machines.

CalamityKate · 23/09/2012 12:40

OP if I were you I'd invest in a lead that clips round your waist, and a chain coupling that makes it possible to attach two dogs to one lead.

You will thus be "hands free" and able to easily manage pushchair and dogs. Having dogs attached to your waist rather than holding a lead makes it far easier to manage even large dogs. As it is, unless you weigh less than one of the dogs themselves you probably won't even notice if they pull.

applepieinthesky · 23/09/2012 12:40

We haven't been told under what circumstances they are growling at her wildpoppy so it is unfair to say that they may harm the baby when the full facts aren't being given. There are many other far more likely reasons that they are growling that don't include wanting to hurt the baby.

The OP has also failed to answer repeated questions about why her DP can't look after the baby while she takes them for a 20 min walk.

InvisibleHotPinkWeasel · 23/09/2012 12:45

or she's too busy rehoming them on facebook so they can be collected by some random promising a good home actually torn apart in an illegal dogfight to come back?

applepieinthesky · 23/09/2012 12:47

The OP has been given so much useful advice and chosen to ignore it. Sadly it sounds like her mind is already made up.

I have a 1 year old Labrador and I'm due with my first baby in November and the number of people that have hinted that my dog is disposable now I have a real baby makes me Angry

Why do people think it's ok? My Lab is part of the family as far as I'm concerned and getting rid of him once the baby arrives or failing to take him for walks just isn't an option. Anyone who thinks it's alright to do so without putting in some major effort first simply isn't mature enough to have a baby.

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