to wonder why yoga has to be so wanky!

[Tanyaaah]

I love yoga for the stretching and exercise. I like how I can feel my body stretching more each week and it makes me feel really good.

But, I've just been to a class with a new teacher and she kept trying to make us do stupid noises ummmmmmm and oooooooooo and ahhhhhhhhhh. Really bloody annoying!
I found it off putting and the opposite of relaxing as I was too busy getting annoyed to relax. Grrrr.

And then she started ringing a bell when we should breathe

I'm sure this is MY problem, just wondered if I was the only one who thought this!

'Tis ancient and Eastern and in yoga the spiritual and the mental are seen as important as the physical. I believe some Yogis (?) are irked that the spriritual side has taken a back seat to the firm bum cheeks aspect.

Maybe look for a yoga class that is more focused on the physical? Bikram Yoga is all about the body beautiful. I want to try it, but I'm scared!

It's important to find a class you like and a teacher who clicks with you.
Give this teacher a ring and see if she does this all the time, and if so ask her if she knows any teachers who don't do the chanting or bells.

Sometimes though the point of yoga is to be flexible in your mind!

My feeling is that you could give it another go - and release expectations - you never know it could be the best lesson you receive

I think you just have to find the right class for you. I didn't realise there could be that much difference, only having been to the same class for a few months, but there was a stand-in teacher for a few weeks and I hated it.

But 'proper' breathing is very important and essential to yoga iirc!

an old teacher of mine was jsut like julie walter i expected her to come out with a tea trolley. she was a fantastic teacher must look her up again

i have never got into the yoga zone, do nto really enjoy it no matter how much i try and very very envious of anyone one that does

I know what you mean. You're just enjoying it and then they say something so wildly bollox and factually incorrect that you want to shove your GCSE biology certificate in their face and yell "Go the fuck to school"

Agree that Bikram appears to have taken a diversion away from the wankery and you do get the body beautiful, but only if you go about 3 x a week.

I went to pregnancy yoga and the leader said to us "Sound waves can be used to demolish buildings, so just think what Ultrasound scans are doing to babies!!"
She also made us march round and do "primal screams." Twas embarrassing. I just pretended to do one but no sound came out.

Also, why do they have to say "namaste". Just say "hi" FFS

I had found the right teacher but she's left now!

I know it's meant to be spiritual etc, I've never really got that. Maybe I should try Pilates...?

I also know 'proper' breathing is important but we all have different size lungs and breathe at different rates. I hate having to adjust to someone elses breathing.

I know Richman! I've always hated that, never said it. I think I'm just stubborn.

Christ, the "Namaste" does my head in. This woman in my (short-lived) class did that praying hands and bowing head thing at the end of every class and said "Namaste" as she tried to look all spiritual. Bet the closest she'd been to India was the local takeaway.

sometimes the bells ringing or lots of uuuuuuummmmmmmmmssss can disguise the soft sounds of escaping gas at the other end if you have spent some time on the abdominal excersises- in particular those knees to chest stretches. sorry class! x100

Ha ha ha, hadn't thought of that! Luckily I've never had an "accident".

I did pregnancy yoga and hated it. The breathing crap drove me mad and we hadto do pelvic floor exercises where she told us to clench our vag then clench our bumholes! What is wrong with some people?!

I agree, a little of the spiritual is fine but too much lighting of the incense/ saying ommmmmmmm / looking through your third eye gets on my nerves.

Back in the dark ages I used to do a lot of Iyengar yoga which was very physical and used lots of props like belts and blankets and blocks of wood to help your body stretch that little bit more - I loved it.

Change classes - I go to 3 yoga classes a week and none of them are wanky, - no need for chanting, certainly no need for bell ringing for breathing (sounds bizarre)

I am generally very anti woo, but I love yoga it has kept me sane and relaxed in difficult times, and taught me how to keep myself calm under stress. I am also very strong and bendy

Of course it may be that it is just not the thing for you and you can find something else you like better, but don't give up on yoga just because you have unfortunately got a wanky teacher.

I like the chanting.

I like Kundalini Yoga, the one that has lots of loud chanting.

They are called Mantras, they help to balance your chakras and raise your Kundalini up your spine, so you can open your crown chakra and achieve oneness with the infinitre cosmos. Or something like that.

Right, I'd better be off, have some lentil weaving to attend too.

Sorry, my typing and spelling is shite today!

Lesley is that Sahaja Yoga?

Agree with the OP. The breathing is important but why are you annointing my bottom with some sort of incense potion? This happened to my sister and I once - we were mid downward dog and the teacher (let's call her Sula or Sulu or Solo or something) padded round everyone dabbing some weird ointment on our bums and muttering healing words. Something to do with chakras. We didn't go back.

No, unless it has another name. Its called Kundalini Yoga.

I had Tracy Kim as my instructor. Great woman no wanky nonsense. You have to pick your class.

Ah right, it's similar though.

I have a fucked up back. I love yoga. What I would give to sit in a room full of women gently chuffing whilst a lovely sinewy Julie Walters wandered round anoitinging our kundalini's and tipping a bell to intone with the very thrum of the universe is the question.
I still do the meditation bits but miss it so much. In my class we did a lovely lie down and allow the sweat to pool round our shoulders for a few minutes when we were finished. All it was missing was a fag and a cup of tea.