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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to think that there is NEVER an acceptable reason to call a 32 year old woman a "young girl?"

793 replies

Hullygully · 20/09/2012 18:13

No I'm not.

I couldn't care less what emotive flannel is flung about.

IT. IS.NOT.ACCEPTABLE.

The end.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 20/09/2012 22:32

could you explain the tone and context so I might perhaps understand?

OP posts:
SharonGless · 20/09/2012 22:35

Splitarse= A disgusting insult.
Of the worst kind.

Hully I was under the impression that moron and moronic were not acceptable

aldiwhore · 20/09/2012 22:37

Do I really have to? No. Only to him if he asks, or his wife if she had issue.

I'm off to take my medication and continue with my happy life full of gentle, loving, familiar banter where sexism has existed and feminism is of high importance, but petty hysterics are deemed too bloody Victorian and I'd hate to be a stereotype of either stupid males or petty females who don't understand context and can't imagine scenarios beyond their own bitter wishes to be revered in solemnity and without humour, gentleness of spirit or compassion.

scurryfunge · 20/09/2012 22:38

Have been called a splitarse too- just vile.

aldiwhore · 20/09/2012 22:39

Splitarse is awful. Did the cheif constable refer to them as such?

SharonGless · 20/09/2012 22:40

Splitarses? No!

MadgeHarvey · 20/09/2012 22:40

Bloody well said aldiwhore. I await with interest to see whether you will be permitted to take that particular stance without being called names.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 20/09/2012 22:40

Oh god aldiwhore no- it was something Sharon said she was called at the beginning of her career. She as using it to illustrate how much worse it was then.

aldiwhore · 20/09/2012 22:41

I know Zombies etc... if so I'd be with the outraged! Smile

scurryfunge · 20/09/2012 22:41

I have been called that in the last 4 years, so not so archaic.

SharonGless · 20/09/2012 22:47

The last 4 years? What did you do about it scurry?
The last time anyone called me that ws 16 years ago and was the last Time he said it to anyone, I can assure you.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 20/09/2012 22:47

Now THAT is something truly disgusting scurry. Were you in a position to be able to give it back? (Perfectly understanding that not always is it feasible)

scurryfunge · 20/09/2012 22:50

I complained but it was my Sgt so he was retiring shortly anyway and it was all swept under the carpet. No one really gave a shit and accepted he was a dinosaur and he was going anyway.

SharonGless · 20/09/2012 23:04

Fecking hell Scurry, I thought those dark days were behind us. I truly haven't heard that word uttered in my nick for 16 years and for you to be subjected to that is horrendous.
That is something to be up in arms about

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 20/09/2012 23:06

That is truly beyond the pale.

scurryfunge · 20/09/2012 23:08

It's still alive and kicking! I challenge it where I can and it is getting better but there is a particular mindset in our Force that needs to change.

OliviaLMumsnet · 20/09/2012 23:09

@Hullygully

It's original usage was long since dropped in favour ot its being a general insult

Whatever your thoughts on its etymology we don't allow personal attacks though, innit?

We understand this is a very emotive subject but would again ask that folk stick to the guidelines and indeed the spirit of the site, that is making parents' lives easier
thanks all

Kayano · 20/09/2012 23:12

One of their families called them 'girl' too

Are they wrong? Her own family?

SharonGless · 20/09/2012 23:17

Come and transfer scurry! At least in GMP we don't abuse each other any more. Well, other than being called girls and lads Wink

Seriously if you need some support ther is a women's issues network in our force which has been going for years. I would be happy to give you details to pass onto your fed reps to get something similar set up.

Am shocked tbh

PrincessFiorimonde · 20/09/2012 23:19

I am outraged by the tragic event.
I was pissed off by the "young girls" comment.
Those positions are not mutually exclusive

I agree with this^^

Also agree with Kewcumber, Northernlurker and others who posted in similar vein.

Am Sad that I missed Jemma's posts before they were deleted, though.

scurryfunge · 20/09/2012 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SharonGless · 20/09/2012 23:28

I know we have "spoken" before but if you want to Pm me feel free. Hope house is sold soon x

scurryfunge · 20/09/2012 23:30

Thank you xx

Thistledew · 21/09/2012 00:31

YANBU

Obviously, anyone who thinks it is acceptable to refer to a 32 year old woman in a professional context as a "young girl", has all the insight, understanding, knowledge and rational sense of a young girl. Perhaps even a very young girl.

What a good job I won't offend anyone by saying so.

TheBossofMe · 21/09/2012 02:49

This might be a long post, apologies, have been thinking about this for a while now.

Is it ever acceptable to call a 32 year old a young woman? Yes.

Tell my aunt who upon finding out that her only child, a grown woman, a doctor with children of her own, had been in a terrible accident that left her with life-changing injuries, that she shouldn't weep for "her little girl, her baby".

Tell my friends who crowded together at the graveside of one of our own, a beautiful 30 year old that we had grown up with from the age of 5, that they shouldn't have referred to her as " just a young girl, really, with so much of her life unlived*.

Or indeed, let's not pretend that senior officers in our armed forces don't refer to the troops who serve on our behalf as "the boys". Because they do. Why? Because their families have entrusted their care to those same officers. It's not a job where the worst that can happen in their working day is that they lose an account, or mess up an order, or even just get fired. Their families entrust the care of their children, no matter how old, to their senior officers. Those officers and superiors become, in effect, their parents whilst they are on duty. I don't imagine the families of the police forces feel so very differently.

In that context, yes I think it's acceptable to refer to them as young girls. IIRC the phrase was used by a families liaison officer who had just left the grieving relatives not a few moments before. The relatives who probably were weeping for the loss of their little girls. The officer concerned probably considered them part of the wider police "family" so using the words that their blood relatives may have used probably didn't seem out of place. Conjecture on my part, I know, but not beyond the realms of possibility.

In the same way that it's possible to be outraged at the tragic event and pissed off at the same time with the use of the phrase "young girls", it's also possible to be against demeaning language used to oppress women and to denigrate their professional achievements and understand why the phrase "young girls" was used in this instance.

And hully you may not care what "emotive flannel" is thrown about, but that just makes your words IMO heartless and unfeeling in this instance, because the particular circumstances of the use of this phrase are emotional. And linked to tragic murders. If you can't understand that there is a time and a place to give a shit about these things, then I despair for the wider feminist cause.