MIL a bit out of order to send this text to DH

[Sassytree]

Not quite the normal MIL thread
But I'm really upset with her for sending this to DH

She's poorly, has a chest infection and ear infection
Lives on her own, but with lots of friends in the block.
the other side of the world

She sent him a text talking about how bad she feels
"i honestly didn't think I was going to make it, and I didn't care"

he feels dreadful, he is completely helpless.

Betty I actually agree with you re the fact that it should be OK for a parent to say to an adult child how they feel re their impending death. Or that they have enough of being ill etc...

My experience is so far is that, if this is a situation where the person IS dying, then most people will be quite compassionate and will take it on themselves to talk to the dying person.

But when it is more of a 'Oh I have enough as my life is so hard' and it is going on for a bit (wo talking about 20 years!) then it is likely not to be received as well. Especially when you are in a long distance situation. Why? Simply because the dcs who are far away will have done the best they could from where they are. Hearing that their mum/dad is still finding it very difficult will induce guilt, huge guilt.
Then you also have the reaction along the lines of 'But I have done my best to ensure that... I know it's not perfect but she is safe/well looked after...' so why is she complaining? There is nothing else that can be done!

Having re-read the OP's posts, I am getting the feeling that the DH's mum is expressing the fact she would love her son to be closer now that she is getting older. She is missing him, her gdc. She is missing family support so it is feeling extra hard.
I also get the feeling that it might also be a way to say that she has done her job now (I can die now that you are married).
But there are better ways to say that than using words than will create a guilt trip in her son.

Oh god who knows what we will do or say in our old age if ill and lonely, I can see why on paper its unfair to burden your DC but in reality ?

The OP said:

"She has been saying it for as long as I have known her

After we got married, she said she could die now, because she knew he had me
After DS was born, she said it
After she first met DS, she said it"

This isn't someone who's at death's door and is expressing her readiness to leave the world.

'I know I can die now' doesn't mean anything unless you are extremely elderly (which she isn't) or has a terminal illness. What it does mean is 'I want you to worry about me and feel responsible for my mental well-being'. That's crappy behaviour.

I think this is completely natural and something I have come across more and more as I and my parent's generation have all aged.

MIL (late 80s) recently had a stroke and also said she wished she hadn't survived it afterwards. Think I would probably think the same if it was me.

It's natural and I think it's about time our generation and below got used to it and could be a bit more sympathetic and understanding rather than just saying/thinking they don't mean it.

Do appreciate this isn't easy with a loved one though.

Sounds to me like someone on the mend, talking about how they felt when ill. i honestly didn't think I was going to make it, and I didn't care. Yes, she felt bad, she didn't think she would make it, and at that time she did not care. It doesn't mean she doesn't want to live, just that she was very ill and could not deal with it at that time.

My grandparents are in their late seventies and have expressed the view that it might be time to go now. They also question why so much time is spend trying to prevent them having heart attacks, etc. If she is tired of life, she should be able to say so.

OTOH, if she is just attention seeking/being a drama queen, I can see why it would be distressing for your DH and would not be reasonable behaviour from her.

Was wondering - would it help if, next time she does this, your DH makes a joke of it and says, "Mum, you've been saying that for the last x years?"

Obviously you don't want to make her feel worse if she is genuinely down cos that would be mean, but it might bring it home that she shouldn't cry wolf continually.

OP - I honestly think you would have been better posting this in Relationships and telling the whole story in your OP. But I am glad you are getting considered posts.