to be sat here crying

[rockandahardplace2012]

The woman next door is shouting and telling her dd to "fuck off" and saying "do you want it!" presumably asking whether she wants a smack. Im sat here sobbing my heart out that poor baby she was crying for her mummy whilst all tjis was going on. God i feel sick to my stomach

I would go with reporting your concerns, but possibly by anonymous (unsigned) letter. I was once told that if someone makes a subject access request under data protection, then they do see details of supposedly "anonymous" phone calls. Not sure if that's true

I don't think screaming at a young child to "fuck off" is normal / acceptable, however stressed / sleep deprived the parent is

I have thought that myself winkly by her saying "do you want this, do you?" and the way she said it sounded like she was talking about her hand. Thankyou for all the helpful posts, i was asking for advice. But lately it seems you cant do right for doing wrong on here. I will ring NSPCC on my dinner and update you all.

"Who as not shouted or screamed sometimes, you just do it in desperation"

I honestly haven't.

No I haven't either. I've walked into a different room to calm down, I've hissed to myself through gritted teeth, but shouting and screaming? No. Whilst a parent who does that might not be the devil incarnate, at the very least they could do with a bit of support and a good night's sleep! Maybe she needs a bit of a shock of someone visiting her to make her see this.

I know that people get quite anxious about speaking with the police - you sort of feel that you're starting off a chain reaction that will be immediately out of your hands and you can't rein it back if you have second thoughts. But the NSPCC feels a lot less scary.

I would also say that we've had cause to have contact with the police this year regarding a safeguarding children issue and I can say that they were nothing but supportive and reassuring. I think you need to do it.

I think Tyranno is completely right. If you overreact, then no harm done, if you underreact then you leave a desperately unhappy child in an unsafe situation.

The reason I queried the 'do you want it' link to smacking was because if you heard a neighbour swearing at their partner and threatening violence you'd call the police round straight away wouldn't you?

If it was not, then phoning for support could be left till the morning.

What Tyranno said ^^

Do it or you share culpability

For fucks sake I'd be straight round knocking on that door, I wouldn't sit there crying!!

Sorry I'm well aware some people aren't as confrontational as me but I could not sit there and listen to that. The poor child.

First, I dont in any way think that shouting at a two year old to fuck off is okay.

But and its a big but a lot not all of the people here are saying, "well I never shout at my nine month old". There is a lot of difference between shouting at a baby who cant understand and shouting at a naughty toddler who could well be doing something dangerous. I have shouted at my toddler, same as an example given above, when he opened the front door and ran away. I have never shouted at him for waking up (though I may have shouted at DH for moaning. Hes a baby. They wake up. Deal with it DH!)

From what you've said, yes it was the middle of the night, but you dont know they were shouting just for waking up?

Another thing... Smacking is not the most ideal discipline technique. But its not illegal yet. And a lot of people still do it. So threatening a smack alone, is not abuse. Could be that "light tap" that MNers are always on about.

But at the end of the day, you were there, you know what you heard and you are the only one who can put it in context with their normal behaviour. So if you think you need to ring the police/NSPCC, then don't faff about worrying about it, just do it.

Not ringing isnt a bad thing. Ringing isnt a bad thing. But thinking you should, and not, could turn out very badly.

Well I feel really bad for having just shouted at my son, not for any length of time, more of a telling off, but I didn't and wouldn't tell him to fuck off no matter how bad his behaviour was.

I'm usually well balanced and handle things much better when he misbehaves but I admit I was frazzled and he maybes picked up on it. I shall try harder next time, I would hate to think that neighbours heard.

Some people handle things better than others, yet I feel the context of what you heard indicates something more of just being frazzled or momentarily over reacting especially as you say you've heard it a few times. I think an anon tip off may help the situation, even if nothing untoward is happening, it might make her realise that her behaviour is out of line and make her aware that people can hear her.

Im going to ring the NSPCC on the dinner break and see what they say. I just didnt like the way she said it, she was shouting at her like she was an adult.
Goldship no im not a confrontational person, and to be honest she sounds like the type you wouldnt want to confront. Im not a wimp by any means but i dont want to put myself in danger as i have my own dd to look after. I feel awful this morning, cant get the little girls cries out of my head. So thats why im going to call them.

The only reason I say that is because I knw exactly what you're on about. It isn't a mother scolding her child and slipping a fuck off on there as some people may think, it's a woman screaming at a baby, verbally and maybe even physically abusing it.
I couldn't sit there because you just don't know how fast things like that can escalate.

Good on you for ringing them :)

Just reported her, they said its definately not appropriate to talk to a child like that, she said everything is annonmous but she may come round accusing you because she knows i can hear through the walls. She said just deny it she will have no proof. i hope it gets followed up, sat at my desk trying not to cry

Well done rock you have done the right thing, I was at the mercy of an alcoholic abusive mother and I wish someone had intervened to give her the support she needed.

Thankyou, im not upset because ive reported it. i just cant get thats little grils cries out of my head

Well done. Did they say what would happen now or what you should do if you hear it again?

They just said they will look into it, but i will be definatley ringing again if it happens again tonight. Maybe ill ring next week just to see if anythings being done.

Good for you, hope everything gets sorted for that little girls sake and I hope it isn't as bad as it sounds for that little girls sake.

So do i, I really dont want to go to bed tonight

Well done Rock. You did the right thing!

Thanks, still feel like shit

"do you want this" could mean anything at all. Advice to ring the police for shouting at your child in your own home is seriously over the top.

Whattoulookingat - if it was bad enough to make the OP cry, it obviously wasnt someone just shouting at their child.

I know exactly what she means.

OP decided what the words were about for herself, with no actual idea. I'm not sure what her crying has to do with it.
Calling SS, maybe. But as I said, calling the police would be very silly. Shouting at your children is not illegal.

Her crying has everything to do with it. If the shouting was bad enough to make her cry it's everything to do with it.

And whatever way the words were meant, whether it was a hand or maybe should food she was on about, it shouldn't be screamed at a child and they shouldn't be told to fuck off. It must have been loud for the OP to hear it word for word so imagine how distressing it was for the child.

I'm all for discipline, but this is quite obviously over the top and there's no 'maybe' about social services, it's a must.

I'm glad people have sense and do report things like this. Reporting will do no harm. Ignoring it could do a great deal.

But threatening her with ill make you sleep downstairs on your own, is ok is it. She sounded very sinister when she said it, i just couldnt imagine her saying did she want a dummy or juice. I can imagine that Baby P had neighbours like you that just thought his mum was only shouting at him and wouldnt report anything. Well no im sorry im not letting that happen to that little girl. SS will investigate and if they find thats shes a happy healthy little girl then fine. But im not taking any chances as i would never forgive myself!!!

"Who hasn't shouted at their child awaking in the middle of the night for no reason? "

I have three children, a short temper and get very tired. My children woke repeatedly through the night until they were well over a year old. If I had found myself doing this to them as babies I hope I would have realised that I need some parenting support.

I do shout at them sometimes now (they are 7,9 and 13) but I know it's wrong and I'm trying to stop it. I really think that shouting at a child - especially a very small child - for waking up, is a clear signal that you need help and support.

Well done for phoning.