to be sat here crying

[rockandahardplace2012]

The woman next door is shouting and telling her dd to "fuck off" and saying "do you want it!" presumably asking whether she wants a smack. Im sat here sobbing my heart out that poor baby she was crying for her mummy whilst all tjis was going on. God i feel sick to my stomach

She may well be a mother at the end of her tether but she is also a mother who needs help. I don't think it would be right to ignore it especially as it sounds as if it is not a one off.

My ds1 has ADHD and could be very difficult and ds3 woke several times a night for years. I can honestly say I never spoke to either of them like that.

I think you should report it. Do you have the same HV? You could mention it to her.

YABU to sit crying without doing anything. Call the NSPCC for advice at the very least.

Theres a huge, huge difference between crap sleepers (both mine are) and CC (tried that with DC1, failed!) to a colicky non stop screaming baby. And I am a self confessed lentil weaver.

Contacting SS and NSPCC if this keeps happening would be a good idea, they would be able to offer her support. I have screamed in utter anguish when my DD2 wouldn't settle one night because I was sleep deprived. Never sworn at them really, just screamed and cried. The only reason things were made easier on me was because my DP was there and took over, taking her downstairs and giving me some much needed sleep.
... and my DD isn't even a bad sleeper really, I am one of the luckier ones. I think it is down to personality and how you cope under stress/lack of sleep, some cope better than others.

I notice you say there have been multiple occasions of this happening, and that makes me think you should definitely report it.

I agree with Goldenjubeliee

As if everyones 'Im not a perfect parents but I didnt shout at my kids.' helps the OP at all.

Oh do fuck off.

The dd is 2-2.5 so toddler not a baby. I applaud those perfect parents, who has not lost it with a toddler, I certainly have and I am not prod f it. I am glad I got some good support from outside, nobody judged me, just recognised we needed help. It gt so much easier once professionals came on board and we got help and dx. Dd is a fantastic little girl, with a heart of gold who loves mummy and daddy very much as we love her. I look back to those dark days and shudder.I really would have loved a knock on the door from a kind neighbour and cup of tea or offer to help

I missed that Golden said that too.

I take my agreement back.

I DO absolutely think it needs reporting. The woman needs support like someone else said, at the very least.

But the judgement on here stinks.

Im a GOOD parent and I still lost it. I have the patients of a fricking saint as well, if anyone on here recognises my username and knows my history they'd know that. But everyone, EVERYONE has their limits. FWIW I never shouted at my baby, he was in his room and me in mine but I still told him to fuck off. If the neighbours had heard, would they have assumed I was in the same room? Highly likely.

We are human beings not robots, who as not shouted or screamed sometimes, you just do it in desperation. I am sure the whoe neighbourhood could ear me screaming at dd when she ran into that road, but all I could picture was her no longer with us and that made me so

Why does 'do you want it' mean that she's talking about a smack? Was she talking about smacking her?

We are human beings not robots, who as not shouted or screamed sometimes, you just do it in desperation. I am sure the whoe neighbourhood could ear me screaming at dd when she ran into that road, but all I could picture was her no longer with us and that made me so

I wondered that noble.

2am The woman next door is shouting and telling her dd to "fuck off" and saying "do you want it!"
She's done it a few times its really horrible to listen to
(she's) threatened to make her sleep downstairs on her own

Just trying to pin-point the gist of this.

So do you ever hear or see anything worrying during the day OP? It is distressing to hear someone shouting at a child, but it does sound from your points like it's night-time sleeping problems.

It's tricky. As poster up-thread said SS are the best to judge weather this is a situation where the mum/child needs help or not. If it happens most nights i'd probably report it.

OHforDUCKScake I am not judging her. I am saying that she is at the end of her tether and needs help. I say I never screamed at my children and threatned them because I could cope despite having very difficult nights with them. It sounds to me as if she can't.

What is this thread?!?

What the hell is the point of debating what the woman actually meant or said or what anyone else has shouted or not shouted at their dc?

OP, crying and posting on MN about crying is not helping anyone is it?

Ring NSPCC ask what you can do, explain about your concerns about anonymity.

Hmm, I wouldn't ring the police personally - but the NSPCC helpline is anonymous and that would be my first port of call. Tell them everything you've said on here - and they might well offer help and support to the mother.

I have been in a similar situation with a very aggro neighbour, and could hear a lot of swearing and shouting at her child through the wall - and it is very distressing. More so when you are also worried about any potential retaliation.

ooh cross posted withProudnscary

I agree that we shouldn't judge the woman, we don't know what she's dealing with. We don't know whether she thinks it's ok to do this, or whether she's at the end of her tether, sleep deprived and utterly desperate. I would guess the latter.

However, for a 2 year old to be spoken to in that way on several occasions is not ok. Even if the neighbour is in a different room to the child, the child is still hearing it.

If the op was a friend of the neighbour, I'd suggest offering her a cup of tea, a listening ear, looking after the dc and giving her a break. But op, if you don't feel you can offer that, I think you do need to report it. The child should not have to live with that, and it sounds as if the parent really does need help from somewhere.

"Who as not shouted or screamed sometimes, you just do it in desperation"

I honestly haven't. I'm not smug or claiming to be a better parent just answering your question;
I haven't done this. As pp said I've been snappy with my husband but never screamed or shouted at my 10 month old who wakes constantly through the night.

I would report. It doesn't sound like the first time and the little baby needs someone to be her voice.

Oh ffs what is actually the worst thing that can happen to the neighbour if the op reports it and gets it wrong? A brief visit from ss and maybe even a bit of support?

Compared with the risk of one day switching on the news to discover the child next door is the next baby p and the neighbours sat there, hearing the lot, wringing their hands doing fuck all about it.

Am I overreacting? Maybe. But read the 999channel 4 programme thread. Disgusting abusive parents are by no means rare.

I agree with winkly

I would report if you are concerned and this happens often

Nothing will happen anyway, even if reported. I've reported much worse and nothing happened even after SS came round.

Although I would report again, just to give the parent a shock and hopefully a kick up the bum

Hello op, if you have concerns call 101 and report them. If you would like to do so anonymously that's fine. I took calls like this when I worked as a call handler for the police and we would send officers round to do a welfare check and if they thought it appropriate they would refer to SS. It's always better to over rather than under-react in situations like this, just in case.