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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to give my in laws our bed?

80 replies

smupcakes · 16/09/2012 13:33

My in laws are coming to stay with us for 3 weeks (we are overseas) later in the year.

We have a king sized bed and our guest room has a double. FIL is quite a big man (20 stone or more poss). DP thinks we should let them sleep in our bed.

I feel sad / like I'm being ousted in our own home. DP says if I'm uphappy we won't / it's fine but now I'm second guessing myself / like it's the right thing to do?

We slept in that bed for a year and it was OK - my DP isn't exactly small.

More of a what would you do, perhaps?

OP posts:

Teeb · 16/09/2012 13:35

Yanbu, it's your bed! My bedroom is my private little sanctuary, I don't particularly like the thought of my in laws being in the room, let alone sleeping in my bed.

You have a perfectly acceptable bed in your guest room so there's no problem other than the one your DH is trying to create.

PowerDresser · 16/09/2012 13:35

I would choose the bed that would be the less damaged by that sort of weight. Wouldn't it be better if he were to sleep on the floor?

Katienana · 16/09/2012 13:35

It would be really awkward to keep going back and forth for access to your clothes etc so I would give them the guest room.

FrustratedSycamorePants · 16/09/2012 13:35

I'm sure inlaws will manage to sleep in a double. Stop second guessing yourself. You're not happy about giving them yours; so don't. Simple.

CaptainHoratioWragge · 16/09/2012 13:36

I'd stay in my bed and give them the bed in the guest room as you have planned. Not because i'm mean but because i've stayed with someone before where they've given me their bedroom out of kindness (as it was the only ensuite) and to be honest I felt very awkward about it (all their underwear was in the drawers etc).

SCOTCHandWRY · 16/09/2012 13:37

My bed is MY BED, nobody else (other than DH of course) is sleeping in it. Actually, the whole master bedroom is off limits.

WorraLiberty · 16/09/2012 13:38

We always give my PILs our bed and we sleep on the floor in the lounge

But then again, she has MS and they only ever stay one night at a time anyway.

I still think in your position OP, I would swap beds...at least you won't be on a camp bed or an inflatable mattress.

Thumbwitch · 16/09/2012 13:40

I wouldn't, I don't think. Unless they are physically unable to sleep in a double bed. Does your DP know what size bed they have at home?

expatinscotland · 16/09/2012 13:40

Three weeks? YANBU. Give them the guest bed in the guest room.

firawla · 16/09/2012 13:41

yanbu, you have a double guest room that will be sufficient surely. there's nothing wrong with double, not like your telling him sleep on the sofa is it!

Original poster

smupcakes · 16/09/2012 13:50

Thumbwitch - they have a queen at home. I feel for MIL because FIL snores SO loudly. I'm dreading being in the next bedroom whichever bed I'm in.

Oh what to do! Would be much easier not to feel guilty if they weren't so lovely.

OP posts:

FutureNannyOgg · 16/09/2012 13:51

DH is about 20 stone, hes very tall and muscley, might not be comparable, but we sleep in a double with DS2, no problem.

I can't agree with the floor suggestion. a decent bed (not a cheap flimsy sofa bed) will hold up just fine

diddl · 16/09/2012 13:51

Seems to me that you have a perfectly good bed to offer them.

Having someone in a room that you use is a pita tbh.

Original poster

smupcakes · 16/09/2012 13:54

FutureNannyOgg - It's not at all flimsy. It has an ensemble base so very sturdy and a mattress that was a fortune when new a few years ago.

I don't know, I guess just because DP was perfectly happy to offer it to them and even said he'd sleep on the sofa while I slept in the double alone so I'd have more space

OP posts:

Mayisout · 16/09/2012 13:58

Depends on what they are used to. If they are used to a KS they will whinge/ have bad back/ not sleeping well etc in the double. But if they are used to double give them it.

Teeb · 16/09/2012 13:58

I think living with anyone for 2 weeks, even if you get along really well, is very difficult and you'll get wound up. Them being in your very personal space with all of your belongings just sounds like extra stress to me for no reason what so ever.

Mayisout · 16/09/2012 13:59

Oops - see they are in a queen.

I would put them in KS, DH in double and sleep (in relative peace) on sofa.

Tee2072 · 16/09/2012 14:00

I don't give my bed up for anyone.

Original poster

smupcakes · 16/09/2012 14:02

Mayisout - no way would I sleep on the sofa - I'd be so uncomfortable. DP offered to.

Thanks for your replies everyone - made me feel better.

We're taking them to a beach house one week with large beds for all - so they'll only be in the double for 2 weeks

OP posts:

diddl · 16/09/2012 14:03

Why should anyone be on the sofa when there´s enough bed space?

Is a double that much smaller than the queen that they are used to?

If it´s that much of a problem, why don´t they pay to stay somewhere?

Lolwhut · 16/09/2012 14:06

YANBU

My bed is my sanctuary and I don't like anyone else but DH and I to sleep in it.

I know it isnt that rational but it's how I feel

Original poster

smupcakes · 16/09/2012 14:06

diddl - my DP offered to soften the blow to me of giving up our bed - I love sleeping alone but would never want him to sleep on the sofa. He sometimes sleeps in the spare bed so I can starfish if I'm hung over etc

I'm sure it would be fine, I guess I just wanted some reassurance I wasn't the DIL from hell wanting to stick with our bed.

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 16/09/2012 14:08

I wouldn't give them my bed.

slatternlymother · 16/09/2012 14:08

Agree with diddl offer them the double bed in the guest room. If they don't like it, they can always stay elsewhere.

What have they said about this? Have they stayed over before and insinuated that the guest room isn't comfortable enough for them?

diddl · 16/09/2012 14:10

Yes, I was also wondering if this is from them or if it´s husband getting his knickers in a knot.

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