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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is slightly odd dinner party etiquette? (bit light-hearted)

163 replies

LittleBlackDress · 16/09/2012 12:57

Had some friends round for dinner and they asked if they could bring anything. I said it would be very helpful if they could bring pudding. So, they turn up with pudding - yummy and we all ate just over half of it. All good so far. I did notice some exchanged looks when I had seconds, but didn't think too much of it.

Anyway, when it comes to time to say goodbye, they wander over to the fridge and take out the remains of the pudding and take it home with them. (they live very locally so would have been no problem to drop off the dish the next day).

I just thought it was odd to take your pudding back home with you, but maybe I am the weird one?!! I then thought the exchanged looks may have been because they were hoping at least half would be left over for them the next day. What do you think is 'normal'? :)

OP posts:

OhTheConfusion · 16/09/2012 23:58

Spot on Squoosh!

chandellina · 17/09/2012 07:23

Mmeguillotine, that is certainly not an American custom to help yourself to leftovers without asking, just rude!

I've been asked before if I want to take home the remainder of something I've brought and felt duly insulted, as if it weren't tasty enough for the host to finish.

lurkerspeaks · 17/09/2012 08:11

V. Odd behaviour. In my world bring pudding would mean "gift us a pudding". I might ask at the end if I wanted my dish back but often try to strategic and re-use supermarket desert style dishes do I could take my own one home.

I have however been known to take opened bottles of wine (only to good friends and in addition to present wine) but if it is open in my fridge it seems a waste if going out means it is going to go to waste.

I hope they understand!

MmeGuillotine · 17/09/2012 08:24

Chandellina, it hadn't occurred to me to think so but another poster further up the thread mentioned something about taking leftovers home being something they'd encountered in America, which is why I mentioned it. I mean, I just thought she was being rude but if it is normal where she comes from, then it's just a cultural difference that I wasn't aware of. :)

PowerDresser · 17/09/2012 08:32

Will we all invite an American to a meal and watch out for things to disappear from our refrigerators?

Thinking about it, I don't know any. A Lebanese woman lives up the road though and Germans across the road. I could try them out to see what they do when a meal finishes.

PavlovtheCat · 17/09/2012 08:38

it is only american custom to take leftovers from a restaurant! and that is because they paid for it and they have HUGE portions! from my experience anyway, in-law family are american and I can say for certain that they would never ever take leftovers home from a dinner party. and they would be generous with what they took to one too (wine, beer, nibbles)

VisionaryGoat · 17/09/2012 09:41

Agree with all those saying it is downright peculiar to just up and take home anything you have brought to a dinner party.

The only exceptions to the rule are if the host offers it back to you or if you have made it clear at the outset that it is a special bottle of port/scotch or similar that you want to share a glass or two of with your host - but it is so special/expensive you fully intend to take the rest home again. This is also the only time it is socially acceptable to bring an already started bottle somewhere.

Larger parties with lots of people each bringing a dish is different, and I think it is then acceptable to ask the host if they want you to leave what you brought or take it with you. But the key is to ask, not just grab it and go.

I can't say I have come across the 'American' custom of raiding fridges for party leftovers. So I think it must just be rude people rather than Americans. Hmm, or maybe I will have to keep a closer eye on my in-laws in future

Perhaps they just went and got the cheesecake out of habit if they are usually offered what they brought back at the end of the evening though, and it didn't even occur to them that you might want to keep it. Still odd though. And rude.

MmeGuillotine · 17/09/2012 10:19

Yeah, I think my guest (who has since been nicknamed Mrs Cake Pockets by my friends as she's done it to several people apparently, including at a wedding on one occasion, when she apparently parked herself in front of the cake table and glared at anyone who tried to get past her) was just rude. There were two other American guests at the same party, neither of whom vanished into my kitchen on an illicit quest for CAKE so I'm going to assume they are the norm. :)

I'm planning to visit people in New York next year - I may experiment by putting my head in their fridge after dinner and seeing what I can come away with and if they say anything... :)

PowerDresser · 17/09/2012 10:24

Mrs Cake Pockets!

expatinscotland · 17/09/2012 10:24

I'm American myself. Have been to many 'pot lucks'. These are not dinner parties. They are usually BBQs or parties for sporting events or other events.

Have never seen anyone raid the hosts' fridge for leftovers.

That's not American, that's rude!

Many times, at potlucks, the host will offer for guests to take leftovers, because there's a huge amount of food.

But no, not form to bring a dish and then go into the fridge to take it home.

Or to take home drink you brought, either. If it's a BYOB party, you usually drink what you bring, anyhow, then leave the rest to the host.

brass · 17/09/2012 10:25

sounds like cake pockets might just have a food disorder.

ZacharyQuack · 17/09/2012 10:45

OP you need to organise a rematch. Same deal, you host they provide dessert.

Then you either need to :

a) Sit at the table and eat the entire pudding, or

b) Take the leftover pudding to the kitchen. transfer to your own dish and hide it, wash their dish ready to present to them upon their departure.

Then report back to MN

gallifrey · 17/09/2012 21:04

OMG I actually did that once!
4 girls having a girly night in, I took pudding, friend who's house it was made dinner, not sure what the other 2 took (it was a long time ago!)

I made a really lovely chocolate tart which was my DH's favourite. I took the whole thing with me and between 4 of us we ate about half of it.
When I went home I took my bowl and a slice of the tart with me leaving about 1/4 of the tart left for the hostess. I think she was a bit pissed off tbh but we laughed about it as I was wrestling it from her hands...!!

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