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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is slightly odd dinner party etiquette? (bit light-hearted)

163 replies

LittleBlackDress · 16/09/2012 12:57

Had some friends round for dinner and they asked if they could bring anything. I said it would be very helpful if they could bring pudding. So, they turn up with pudding - yummy and we all ate just over half of it. All good so far. I did notice some exchanged looks when I had seconds, but didn't think too much of it.

Anyway, when it comes to time to say goodbye, they wander over to the fridge and take out the remains of the pudding and take it home with them. (they live very locally so would have been no problem to drop off the dish the next day).

I just thought it was odd to take your pudding back home with you, but maybe I am the weird one?!! I then thought the exchanged looks may have been because they were hoping at least half would be left over for them the next day. What do you think is 'normal'? :)

OP posts:

PowerDresser · 16/09/2012 19:04

At another lunch I had here, a complete apple pie was left and half of its twin. The baking dishes will be returned one day - I live 200 miles away. They both went into the freezer for future lunches.

PowerDresser · 16/09/2012 19:07

MySaladDays

Our top tier was not used either so we thought we'd keep it for a Christening cake whenever we had a baby. 21 months later we had aChristening and got the cake out. Unfortunately, it was so hard that I was sawing through the board underneath as well as the cake. I did not know that you had to keep injecting fruit cakes with brandy or rum etc. We just peeled off bits of icing for those without false teeth.

mysaladdays · 16/09/2012 19:08

Posted too soon!!

Between wedding and flight so went home to open pressies, make sure we had packed all stuff for honeymoon and have a quiet day with our families. One of our guests texted dh to say had forgotten to take cake so could we drop some round. Dh explained were bit busy so would struggle and were going to save top tier until we got back as still fairly sizeable and would go to waste if cut into. The guest later called saying he was passing and would just pop into get cake if we could cut some please. He didn't want to wait until we got back as thought he would forget.

So we ended up cutting this cake because we didn't want to be rude, after all, they had been guests at the wedding.....but it was all a bit odd....esp as when dh asked casually where he was off to he admitted nowhere, had just wanted the cake! It takes all sorts!

aquashiv · 16/09/2012 19:11

reminds me of my sis newly living in Oz when asked to bring a plate thats exactly what she did.

aquashiv · 16/09/2012 19:11

minus any food

mysaladdays · 16/09/2012 19:12

PowerDresser yes, that's what we'd been thinking as well. Or that we would eat it We would happily have shared it at that point because we're not really bothered about keeping it to ourselves, just odd that he felt the need to drive out especially and get cake immediately! Oh, well, I supposed we all have those days where only emergency cake will do

MmeGuillotine · 16/09/2012 19:24

Oh dear!

I once had a tea party at my house and baked loads of cake and stuff for the occasion. At the end of the party, I bumped into one of the guests (who was American so maybe it is more usual over there?) sauntering out of my kitchen with a tupperware stuffed full of left over cakes as well as slices she had taken from an untouched chocolate cake that had been too 'messy' to be served and which I had put aside for my husband and I to have as a treat the next day.

I didn't mind per se as I was going to tell people to take cakes home with them any way (not there was much left after said guest had helped herself!) but I was a bit taken aback to find that a pre-emptive strike had occurred in my kitchen! :)

CaroleService · 16/09/2012 19:26

You made a rookie error.

Didn't offer Pom Bears.

Removing the pud was a form of protest.

numbertaker · 16/09/2012 19:38

can someone explain pom bears.

PowerDresser · 16/09/2012 19:45

mysaladdays

If he didn't live too close, you could have nipped to the supermarket for one of those cheapo pieces of fruit cake with icing on and had a slice of that ready for him.

PowerDresser · 16/09/2012 19:47

If I were in another country, I would ask before I assumed that I could take something.

SomersetONeil · 16/09/2012 19:52

YANBU. Socially inept to remove the half eaten dish from the fridge and taken it home with them. I'm actually a smidge embarrassed for them.

Leftovers are the hosts prerogative and entitlement.

HiHowAreYou · 16/09/2012 20:04

I took two sets of posh biscuits I had baked with my own fair hands to my friend's birthday.
I haven't had my tupperware pots back yet. I need them! They are round, for biscuits. I don't have any others that shape. :(

(Sorry, not really relevant to your question, but you just reminded me.)

dustwhatdust · 16/09/2012 20:08

I went to a party recently and had been asked to bring some food. I took a smoked salmon pate and crudites , the pate was hardly touched , probably not good choice by me maybe....
At the end of the evening I was so tempted to ask to take it home with me with my dish as i was sure the all the food would chucked at the end of the party .
It was!! --- and I realise i should have asked the host if he wanted it or "should i take it ?"

I hate food to be wasted and thought to myself , well nobody liked it anyway- i might as well take it home. OP do think I'm mean or odd ?

I didnt take it but i wish had now !

Original poster

LittleBlackDress · 16/09/2012 20:45

I usually say something like "we won't be able to eat this tomorrow as we are out all day, so it's going to go to waste, would you like to take it home" but on this occasion I didn't get the chance.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask if it's going to waste / does anyone else want it or not (I hate wasting food), in fact very sensible. So I wouldn't think you are mean or odd.

In my case, it was just that my chums appeared to be dead set on getting the pudding out of the fridge come what may. Not that it mattered - we are good enough friends for me to just smile about it. But I did think it was odd behaviour. Surely make two small ones and only bring one? Or double up quantities as you make it and leave one at home in the fridge. Or at least ask before you open up someone else's fridge...... :) :)

Personally I'd rather we didn't do the whole bring something to each other's house - but they enjoy doing that so fair enough, but it does make menu planning more difficult for both parties!

OP posts:

LittlePicnic · 16/09/2012 20:47

My sister did that once. Came over for dinner I made, brought wine with her, drank ours and SILs wine and then took hers home with her. Bloody cheek! Come to think of it, it was a long time before we asked her over again! Who brings opened bottles with them?? Years ago I used to drink alcopops on the tube before they stopped it, but never gave it away opened.

OhTheConfusion · 16/09/2012 21:09

How odd... I have given up trying to figure some people out :-)

I USED to have a friend like this... If I went to hers for coffee with DD I would take cake or scones, nice jam and cream etc and extras for the children. She would always have a homemade cake ready but never ever offered me a slice. If she came to mine she would bring nothing ever and eat atleast 50% of what I laid out (I always over cater) as well as giving her kids a piece of everything on the table. One day I was so fed up with this I arrived at hers empty handed ... homemade cake was offered by her which I politely accepted. I was given a tiny slither (think 1/18th of a cake!) and that was my lot... DD (then 6) was given a glass of water and told cake is for grown ups!!!

I politely left and took DD out for icecream instead.

squoosh · 16/09/2012 21:25

Do mean people think they're getting one over on everyone else? 'Ha ha I got to scoff some lovely scones for free and didn't have to share my cake either'.

People notice. People comment. People then avoid.

It's the same as those people who commit the mortal sin of avoiding buying a round of drinks at all costs.

PorkyandBess · 16/09/2012 21:26

Really very odd. I'd guess they don't get out much.

dustwhatdust · 16/09/2012 21:36

Sorry litttleblackdress, didn't mean to be "off " with you like it came a cross on rereading my post !
I agree with you though , make 2 smaller versions and leave one behind but i think the husband really liked the cheesecake and maybe was one of the family favourites perhaps, and couldnt bear to see it left behind ... ?

SomersetONeil · 16/09/2012 21:44

Exactly, squoosh.

As for whoever asked if the OP offered to divvy up the leftover main for them to take their share home - it's a social situation, not a mathematical equation.

OhNoMyFoot · 16/09/2012 21:51

Am I the only one who wants to know what it was?

ivykaty44 · 16/09/2012 21:55

cherry cheese cake Op said further up the thread

squoosh · 16/09/2012 22:07

I do love cheesecake. Gotta to be baked though, not just a chilled cream cheese impersonator. Although I have been tempted to try them on occasion too, just once or twice you understand.

scooby28 · 16/09/2012 22:09

That is definitly weird OP, I would of expected them to tell me their intention or asked, although I would of offered them to take left overs home anyway as I also have real problems leaving food lonely in a fridge (especially sweet).

Not food but it was a meal we hosted. I allowed my folks to invite their friends to our Boxing day meal. Guests offered to bring something but we said just bring what you fancy to drink.

My folks still brought some nibbles for later and a bottle of spirits, thier friend 'A' kindly got us a gift, some choccies for everyone and brought their tipple but their weird kind of freeloading (from seeing them at previous dinner occasions) friend 'B' just brought their own drink-

quite happy friend 'B' did that as it was what we asked but what they had brought was 2 very cheap bottles of wine (value type, Im no wine expert), although they do not drink wine, but same spirits as my Dad! They obviously had no intention of drinking said wine, polished of my Dads full 1.5litre bottle of spirits and then went home early. Damaged some furniture without apology too, which was nice!

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