To wonder what the hell happens to boys at birthday parties

[pouffepants]

I've had this before. Boys that behave perfectly reasonably at all other times seem to morph into crazy creatures as soon as they enter a party.

Dd2's 6th party this afternoon. Invited a mix of boys and girls, but several of the boys couldn't come so only had 3. The boy who lives a few houses down, plays round regularly, so I know he usually behaves fine. A very small quiet mouse of a boy, renowned for being a complete sweetie. And a boy I didn't know well, but had heard was lively.

Now I expect a bit of daft and rowdy behaviour since they're excited, but honestly it was ridiculous. Literally, the second they charged through the door it turned into the scene of a crazy OTT kids film. Just hurling everything they could get their hands on at each other, jumping off stuff etc.

The girls were fine, a couple excitable, but behaved fine and joined in. But the boys? They said they wanted to play pass the parcel. So they all sat in a circle nicely, but as soon as it got to one of the boys, it just got hurled across the room. Anything involving music, just turned into fighting, not just play fighting, properly kicking each other in the head.

They went in dd's room, and they literally just pulled everything out and started smashing it against the walls, and each other. Had to bring everyone downstairs again because they were trying to smash the computer. This is a boy who plays on it perfectly nicely, when he comes round to play.

So I got the food out, and they made no attempt to eat at all, just smearing it all over each other, throwing it, pouring drinks around. I really don't like telling other people's kids off, especially at a party, but I had no choice. Spent the whole afternoon having to separate, and 'have a word', whereas my 16yo ds could manage all 8 girls no problem while I was talking to boys who seemed in a zombified crazed state.

The boy I know best, on an average day I might say 'no, we don't do that' and he'll stop, no probs. Today spent the whole of musical chairs having to hold onto him on the sofa, because if I let go, he charged into the middle of the room and knocked all the chairs over and tried to throw them. This was all before any food, so I can't blame junk.

This sort of divide has been obvious at every party I've ever done, so why do boys get SOOO hyper, while the girls just get a bit excited?

I have 2 boys and they have both had parties most years and whilst they get excited I would have thrown the whole lot out if they had done half of the things you describe. Fact.

I've seen this behaviour, and only in boys.
And I was so determined that it's nurture not nature, never had any war toys, etc. Didn't praise my son for behaviour I wouldn't also praise a girl, etc.
I think that it's herd mentality and once a few start acting ridiculously without consequences, the rest follow.
Unfortunately for my kids I was a teacher, so I just treat them like a naughty class. Other children don't seem to mind being told off, but my DCs hate it.
It's age specific as well. The worse behaviour I've hosted was at DSs 6th birthday- mostly boys and DDs 14th- all girls. The best was the DS's 12th and DDs 16th.

I have one of each. And after the age of three I NEVER had a boys party at home - I always took them to somehwere like the local leisure centre where they had a football party/swimming party and they could expend loads of energy and run around. I also was not afraid to bring into line anyone misbehaving beyond the pail.

I do think that it is nature and that girls and boys are very differntly wired.

I can't finish reading the thread without commenting on this so apologies if it has been said.

boys wrestle and girls do not

MY ARSE!

I spent the majority of my youth with my best friend in a head lock yelling "It doesn't matter Jabroni!"

Of course girls wrestle.

At least boys will always find other boys to wrestle with and if a girl wants to wrestle she won't find other girls who are always happy to do it

That's simply not true.

I wasn't going to comment again but I did say they might well do if they could find a girl to wrestle with-many will look as if you are mad. Boys will always oblige (with the odd exception-before someone tells me they have a boy who never wrestles).
Having taught more children than I could possible count-it is generally true that it is a boy thing.
I really don't know why people are remotely bothered about whether they give birth to a boy or girl since everyone is at such pains to point out that there is no difference!

I would love to know the size of sample that people are basing it on and the number of years.

Sorry-I see I missed out the word 'always' -a girl won't always find other girls who want to whereas boys will nearly always find another boy to join in.

Maddening ain't it!

I have one of each and have observed this behaviour though by no means generically.

It is the reason though why my ds, 9 in a couple of weeks, is having a Laser Quest party

I am sceptical that 'that's how boys are wired'. Yes there are biological sex differences but much of 'gender' is socially constructed.

I thought that until I had a DS as a single parent and he simply didn't have any role models, or know any older children-was exposed to very little TV and yet he made a gun with Duplo at 2 yrs and could make a very realistic noise at the back of his throat that I can't possibly do. He also loved wrestling-despite me hating it and not taking part. I loathe football and he got very little chance and yet he loved it and joined a team as soon as he was able.
I can't see why any of it is wrong.
I have also taught countless classes and girls simply don't wrestle-the odd one might -but they will be looked on oddly by the rest-especially as they get older.
(I had meant to keep out of the debate-I can't help myself)
Before I had children I thought that it was socially constructed-but not since having my own. My big eye opener as a parent was that you make very little difference-which rather makes me cringe when I think of some of my opinions as a young teacher.

I have both too and don't think that way. If it was universal surely all boys would be like that and they're not. Also they are exposed to masses of images about gender appropriate behaviour from an early age. My DDs were just as likely to make guns with duplo. One of my DS likes football, other doesn't etc etc.

Mum of 3 boys here (although one is only 11 weeks so I'm not sure if he counts....). In case anyone is soon to give a party for boys and is feeling nervous, what I find works quite well is contrasting high energy games with more passive ones.

A few months ago I had ten 6 year olds in my house. First I let the boys play with the toys I had left out then I gave each boy a bowl of lego and told them that they had to build a vehicle and there would be a prize for the best one. it was the competitive element which really gripped them. I set a kitchen timer for 10 minutes (could have pushed it to 15) and off they went. They were really intent on the task. Each bowl contained similar pieces and you could have heard a pin drop as they tried to construct the best vehicle.

We then got each child to stand up for 30 seconds, introduce their vehicle and we took a picture of it. This held the boys' attention.

When we judged the lego models we wimped out a bit by awarding them all eg best car, best creative use of lego, best weird vehicle, most symmetrical vehicle, etc so each kid got a prize.

After that nice calm exercise, I then lined the boys up in the corridor and in our living room (at the time we had a garden the size of a postage stamp) and gave each of them a very large rectangle of enlarged bubble wrap. I told them they had to wait for the signal 3-2-1 and then they had to jump up and down on the bubble wrap. They absolutely adored this activity. It was incredibly loud and such good fun. They were jumping up and down like demented loons. When they finished popping their bubbles they were given a second piece of bubble wrap and off they went again. This bubble wrap was much bigger than usual so the bubbles were like fire crackers going off.

After this we all hung out in the corridor/living room catching our breath and calming down. Once they were calm we went into the dining room to eat. I told them that I'd be videoing them and looking for who had great table manners, etc. This worked really well too. I did lots of positive reinforcement so that they got attention for doing the right thing.

The next activity involved an enormous block of ice which held inside it a toy that all the boys wanted. I lined up the boys and one by one they had to tip warm water on the ice; whoever uncovered the toy would get it. The boys didn't muck around with the water because they wanted to use it on the ice in order to get the toy.

Anyhow, I tried to use this technique of calm activity/manic activity throughout the party and it worked really well at allowing boys the space to work off energy but to also engage in calmer pursuits.

It does help I'm sure that I was a teacher in a previous life so am quite good at crowd control!

Er... went to a party of all boys on Saturday. None of what you describe happened. So, I don't really know what you are on about OP.

At dd,s last bday party, aged four, we had about 22 kids, half and half and the boys did basically charge around, shout, let off steam and had trouble focusing on the entertainer. They weren,t terrible tho

I never get these kind of threads, maybe since I grew up with many brothers, and was probably an energetic, tree climbing girl, and have brothers, and a son, who love quiet drawing/making stuff/ reading easily as much as they love running around.
But then there was never any gender stereotyping in my family. Literally, none. It just never occurred to me, or my parents, to differentiate between boys and girls, so we all acted about the same.
Having said that, I find prissy misses weird, because I wasn't one, and neither was my sister, so maybe I am just more of a "boy"!

Assuming you're actually telling the truth OP (and I have my doubts) then I would advise that you supervise it a little better next time.

I have three brothers and mostly played with boys as a child and never saw anything like this happen. I also have three boys and have held and supervised many parties as well as many play sessions with a few of their buddies and nothing like this has ever happened!

I really will make this my last, promise.
The next time someone starts a post about how disappointed they are about the gender of their baby -I will say 'don't be so utterly ridiculous-it is just social conditioning and it really doesn't matter which gender-they are the same'!

I agree with you op.

I have got 2 ds's and have probably done about 15 parties over the years, some with all boys, some with a mix. My ds's and their friends are quiet and well behaved but you only need one or two more boisterous boys at the party to completely change the atmosphere and the behaviour of the other boys. I too have had a party at my house with things being thrown around the room, punching the walls etc, and the party was really well organised with lots of activities.

I know that girls can also be naughty and fight, but they are different to boys when in a group and both my nieces have all their parties at home with no major problems with fighting, food fights etc.

I hate criticism of boys as I have 2 lovely ds's but it is true that young boys can "feed off" each other and get over excited on occasion.

Exotic, who is pointing out there are no differences? Of course there are differences. I am also an experienced teacher and youth leader and yes there are differences - what I HATE is the ludicrous generalisations.

FWIW, DS1 has not once mentioned guns or role played guns until last week. 2 days after starting school suddenly guns are introduced. That's nothing to do with genetics and everything to do with his peers.

Agree Pirates.
It's hard to overestimate just how much peer pressure has to do with gender traits. There is one boy in particular in ds's class who relentlessly scoffs at anything "feminine". Everything that isn't obviously macho is "for girls", and the other boys respond by also rejecting anything "feminine" because they fear the scorn of this alpha boy.
It's all bullshit. If ds doesn't know something is supposed to be feminine, he likes it, or doesn't, based on his genuine preferences.
It is sad to see.

Exactly, NowThen. I have a friend who's son is totally into dolls, barbies, dressing up as a princess. His mum and dad are totally cool about it so no one has told him he should be playing with guns/cars/wrestling etc. I'm sure a few weeks of school will knock it out of him though .

I know that researchers have done experiments where they dress boy babies and girl babies in the "opposite gender" clothes and have found adults interact with them in a completely different way. I wonder what would happen if they were able to bring up a boy/girl as the opposite gender - how much of this so-called genetics would be proved to be no such thing.

I don't for one minute disagree that there are differences between the genders, but I for one think the jury is still out on how much of the differences are social conditioning and how much genetic.

I had two boys. Lively, quite capable of getting over-excited and very fond of rushing around in the garden sort of play. But.... despite years of having parties (at which boys tended to outnumber girls until girls suddenly turned into fascinating creatures!) I never experienced anything like you describe, OP. Actually, I lie. At ds2's 4th birthday party, an older sibling of one of the guests turned up, uninvited. He did cause chaos and was unprepared to be diverted away from chaotic pursuits. So I did, in the end, have to ask his mother to take him home. But that was because he was that particular boy, not merely a boy.

If I'd have been you, OP, I'd have made it clear that the behaviour of the boys at your child's party was unacceptable.

Are people seriously negating the influence of testosterone? That's not a social construct!

Surely it is beyond any argument that boys have more of a propensity to be physical and to wrestle/ play fight? Why is this so fucking taboo now? And surely it should go without saying that propensity means exactly that, it's not a given that every boy will be more physical or that every girl will be less physical?

Drives me batshit when someone pops up to say, for example, that they or their dd love wrestling. The plural of anecdote is not fucking data!

No one should be strictured by their gender but to deny that we have different hormonal influences ON THE WHOLE is bonkers. Stark raving bonkers.