To wonder what the hell happens to boys at birthday parties

[pouffepants]

I've had this before. Boys that behave perfectly reasonably at all other times seem to morph into crazy creatures as soon as they enter a party.

Dd2's 6th party this afternoon. Invited a mix of boys and girls, but several of the boys couldn't come so only had 3. The boy who lives a few houses down, plays round regularly, so I know he usually behaves fine. A very small quiet mouse of a boy, renowned for being a complete sweetie. And a boy I didn't know well, but had heard was lively.

Now I expect a bit of daft and rowdy behaviour since they're excited, but honestly it was ridiculous. Literally, the second they charged through the door it turned into the scene of a crazy OTT kids film. Just hurling everything they could get their hands on at each other, jumping off stuff etc.

The girls were fine, a couple excitable, but behaved fine and joined in. But the boys? They said they wanted to play pass the parcel. So they all sat in a circle nicely, but as soon as it got to one of the boys, it just got hurled across the room. Anything involving music, just turned into fighting, not just play fighting, properly kicking each other in the head.

They went in dd's room, and they literally just pulled everything out and started smashing it against the walls, and each other. Had to bring everyone downstairs again because they were trying to smash the computer. This is a boy who plays on it perfectly nicely, when he comes round to play.

So I got the food out, and they made no attempt to eat at all, just smearing it all over each other, throwing it, pouring drinks around. I really don't like telling other people's kids off, especially at a party, but I had no choice. Spent the whole afternoon having to separate, and 'have a word', whereas my 16yo ds could manage all 8 girls no problem while I was talking to boys who seemed in a zombified crazed state.

The boy I know best, on an average day I might say 'no, we don't do that' and he'll stop, no probs. Today spent the whole of musical chairs having to hold onto him on the sofa, because if I let go, he charged into the middle of the room and knocked all the chairs over and tried to throw them. This was all before any food, so I can't blame junk.

This sort of divide has been obvious at every party I've ever done, so why do boys get SOOO hyper, while the girls just get a bit excited?

"Boys wrestle on all occasions for fun"
Generalize much?!?!

Sorry iPad - better off.

"You seem to think that people are judging your boys and feeling sorry for you. I have 3 boys and am quite happy with them. I don't think people think I would be. Enter off with girls."

I am very very happy with my children and it really upsets me to the core that you are suggesting otherwise.
I do think some people expect boys to be a certain way, yes, and quite often they are not. I don't think people would be better off with one sex or the other.

I agree boys do turn into hyperactive whirlwinds. I think age 6 is the key, they start to calm down a bit after this age. I remember my sister who has two DDs, saying she had never seen such naughty boys at one of my DSs party. And at one, several parents stayed but still did nothing to reprimand them. My blood pressure by the end of it must have been sky high. I used to invite girls just to even it out a little.

I LOVED doing rowdy games at cubs. The one where you drag each other into a box, the one swinging the rope round and all jumping into each other. I'm perfectly capable of supervising, and although they all end up in a heap, they are capable of following the rules and sitting out when necessary and playing by the rules at least to a degree.

Yesterday, intelligent boys who I can talk to normally, would listen to an adult normally, will line up at school and walk fairly sensibly were throwing themselves at each other constantly. During one of the 'timeout' type sessions on the sofa, they agreed they'd like to do a relay type thing with balloons. But as soon as they stood up, do you think I could get all 3 to one end of the room to start? And when we did eventually get there, they just became crazed again and were too busy rolling on the ground to join in. If 2 were running at the same time they were utterly incapable of getting to the end of the room and back without abandoning the game and fighting. And the other kids were disappointed that we couldn't finish the game. The balloons were long gone.

Of course they wouldn't be better off! They are however different! I grew up with brothers.I have had a lot to do with Scouting and I have 3 DS who are all very different. My 2 who are close in age re adults and will still wrestle- they do it to wind me up - it is a family joke and they then shout 'mum, mum, he is hurting me'!!! Why would we have all the fuss about people wanting a certain sex if there was no difference?

I've said upthread, twice, that there are differences. I just dislike the fact that huge generalizations are made, that's all. I don't for a second doubt your experiences, and I agree with some of the things you say.

Of course it is a generalisation - but useful if planning parties. My planning for Beavers was very different from my planning for Brownies. I have boys so have never done a girls party at home - there would be differences e.g I may well have games with prizes and DCs being out. I would never have that sort of game with boys because they wouldn't watch and take an interest- they would wrestle (maybe they wouldn't, but it isn't something I would risk)

Boys do get rowdy when in a crowd, mine included. We are off to a party this afternoon and I know he will charge around like a mental thing but I also know he will play pass the parcel and eat the food provided (because he's a gannet!) It's unfortunate that the boys at your party got too wild, their parents probably would be horrified! I don't know, its what most of the boys I know do. Sorry!

YABU to say boys rather than 'kids'. I have 3DSs and 2 DDs and have had shedloads of parties over the years. Trust me girls can be as rowdy! I really don't think it is a sex specific thing as so many girls are boistrous. My DD2 climbed everything and was a bolter etc whereas DS2 is very quiet. It is more personality. Any kids in a group can get rowdy. I once had ten kids round to my house-it was carnage and the girls were as rowdy as the boys.

Put it down to experience op

I usually find that it's the dynamic of the particular child rather than if it's a girl or boy. My two ds can be playing quietly but if a certain child comes over they feel they have to show off. It's not necessarily a boy that changes the atmosphere either!

I recently had 10 nine and ten year old boys for DTs party (not at home but it involved them having to concentrate in an activity etc. most the time and listen). I was abit nervous but they were all fantastically behaved-even one who is well known to be 'hyper' and 'wild' by majority of parents inc his mum. I had no probs at all. I think the secret is keeping them busy; boys and girls. Sleepovers with groups of girls though..nightmare! (Haven't done a boy one yet but I am sure will be as noisy!)

I'm sure it's proven that statistically, on average, in a large enough sample, boys have poorer impulse control than girls. Sounds like a horrible afternoon for OP, though. Stick to soft play in future, methinks.

This is exactly why we haven't had any parties at home for DS since he was 3 (now 11!)

Book a party somewhere they can do something active and have the food. Even better if they run it for you

It is just a fact of life that if you have a group of 6 yr old boys in a small house and try to play musical bumps they will grab each other as they dance, if not that, at least one will grab another as they go down and roll around. If they are out they will take no further interest in the game. The only way to get around it is to have lots of helpers or someone fairly charismatic, ideally a man, who will make it funny in some way-funny enough to do it properly and funny enough to watch if out. With a similar group of girls you stand a fairly good chance of playing it properly-enough will want to-and they will watch when out and advise -the main problem will be someone trying to cheat (generally shopped by someone else).
There will be exceptions, but if I was planning a party I would plan games that keep them all involved and keep them alert at all times. I would probably do the same for girls, but it would be less vital.
Once they get past about 5yrs you are better getting them in a hall or outside. My best ones were swimming-with lots of floats so they could throw themselves around, use up masses of energy and they actually worked up an appetite so they ate everything and concentrated on the food. Eating as a picnic was best with space to run around as soon as they finished.

Firstly I have never had such dreadful behaviour from any child like that in my house,smashing up bedrooms-really?

Secondly I have lively twin boys 8 and a lively dd 7 so have done a fair few parties with large numbers of boys.Maybe I've been lucky in the friends my boys have but we've never had any behaviour like you describe(but we do do active parties such as cycling,bowling etc).

The worst behaviour I ever had was at an all girl party for dd in my house prior to going off on an activity)but it was shrieking(god the shrieking),showing off at the table etc.

So there you go yabu. Maybe it was your supervision,your party or you had bad luck but ime what you have described isn't the norm.

I think my problem this year, was that I'm the only idiot that's tried to do a house party. Last year there were loads of whole class parties, being reception year, but because dd's birthday falls so early in September I didn't do one before.

The school year is split by age, so literally all of the kids birthdays fall between Sept and Jan. So virtually everyone held parties in halls and soft play, and let the kids run wild almost every weekend, and then the parties stopped. Because everyone had had their birthday.

So being the first this year, the boys had memories of these wildfests eight months ago, and had never done a games-type party. I had LOADS of games planned, to occupy them every second, but frankly couldn't do half of them because I couldn't get them up together for long enough. I'm not even certain that they knew that I was trying to get them to play games at some points, their eyes were literally glazed over, straining for their next opportunity to fling themselves. My attempts at calming down, I don't think even entered their consciousness.

IME, games parties work fantastically well with girls. Even with a couple of boys thrown in

I think they'd have loved it, if they'd had any idea what was going on, but I'm under the impression that all 3 just thought 'wahey, party, we're gonna go MENTAL' and took no notice of anyone or anything.

I guess all you could have done was pick 'em off one by one to another place to calm down, but that doesn't feel very in the spirit of a party, does it?!

Pouffe, you might be right there

I mostly lurk and hardly ever post, but I feel I have to stick up for my two boys! My 11 year old was the only boy in my post-natal group (we met up for years after they were born) and was far quieter and more placid than all of the girls put together! I have a daughter as well, and have had far more trouble with her falling out with friends, bitchiness etc, whereas I have never had any of that with my boys. Don't get me wrong, having a daughter is great, but I'm fed up of the boy-bashing that goes on on here.

I have one of each and love them both dearly. I am also a teacher (primary-aged children) in a specialist SEBD setting. I am not bashing boys at all, they are great

It is the last time I am posting-I am not bashing boys-I love boys-have 3 myself and would choose to volunteer in Scouting rather than Guiding. Where ever did boisterous become unacceptable? I am quite happy not having had a DD.
Of course you can have parties with girls that go horribly wrong, of course girls can be boisterous and/or badly behaved, of course you can have boys where the party is a doddle.
There is only one point-on the whole boys will need to expend a lot of energy and you need to be very well prepared and lay down the ground rules. Why this is 'boy bashing' beats me! For those of you who won't accept that a houseful of boys may be a handful - I would love to send you a half a dozen to entertain for 2 hours on a wet afternoon!
Someone who goes from a Rainbow meeting on one day to a Beaver meeting the next will soon see the difference! (if they were not different you wouldn't get DDs joining Beavers)
I have younger brothers (and no sisters), 4 nephews (and no nieces)and have always grown up with boys. They wrestle for fun-girls do not. (At least boys will always find other boys to wrestle with and if a girl wants to wrestle she won't find other girls who are always happy to do it)