To wonder what the hell happens to boys at birthday parties

[pouffepants]

I've had this before. Boys that behave perfectly reasonably at all other times seem to morph into crazy creatures as soon as they enter a party.

Dd2's 6th party this afternoon. Invited a mix of boys and girls, but several of the boys couldn't come so only had 3. The boy who lives a few houses down, plays round regularly, so I know he usually behaves fine. A very small quiet mouse of a boy, renowned for being a complete sweetie. And a boy I didn't know well, but had heard was lively.

Now I expect a bit of daft and rowdy behaviour since they're excited, but honestly it was ridiculous. Literally, the second they charged through the door it turned into the scene of a crazy OTT kids film. Just hurling everything they could get their hands on at each other, jumping off stuff etc.

The girls were fine, a couple excitable, but behaved fine and joined in. But the boys? They said they wanted to play pass the parcel. So they all sat in a circle nicely, but as soon as it got to one of the boys, it just got hurled across the room. Anything involving music, just turned into fighting, not just play fighting, properly kicking each other in the head.

They went in dd's room, and they literally just pulled everything out and started smashing it against the walls, and each other. Had to bring everyone downstairs again because they were trying to smash the computer. This is a boy who plays on it perfectly nicely, when he comes round to play.

So I got the food out, and they made no attempt to eat at all, just smearing it all over each other, throwing it, pouring drinks around. I really don't like telling other people's kids off, especially at a party, but I had no choice. Spent the whole afternoon having to separate, and 'have a word', whereas my 16yo ds could manage all 8 girls no problem while I was talking to boys who seemed in a zombified crazed state.

The boy I know best, on an average day I might say 'no, we don't do that' and he'll stop, no probs. Today spent the whole of musical chairs having to hold onto him on the sofa, because if I let go, he charged into the middle of the room and knocked all the chairs over and tried to throw them. This was all before any food, so I can't blame junk.

This sort of divide has been obvious at every party I've ever done, so why do boys get SOOO hyper, while the girls just get a bit excited?

op,am I right in thinking you were the only adult with a number of girls and three boys?
At the party I described,when DH arrived,we got to the point of 8 kids and 4 adults,which tipped the adult/kid ratio in our favour.
If you ever have another one....

"Blanket judgements are quite handy when you are planning a party"
Take that to its logical conclusion, and boys won't be invited next time.
Your experience at Beavers/Brownies is quite different to my experience as a drama teacher of primary age children.

Nope, me, dh, another mum and teenage ds.

OP I have experienced parties/play dates/parks like this.

In my experience boys do generally behave differently in groups to girls.

I have seen my own DS and his pals go absolutely wild in certain circumstances and almost look like they are possessed - play-fighting, climbing, running around. I have always blamed the pack-mentality and too much sugar!

Girls in groups behave differently. They can quietly and subtly exclude and torture other girls from the group. I was shocked, after having just had a son for 11 years the first time I heard a 4 year old girl whisper in my 2 year old DD's ear "we hate you, you can't play with us" and then smile sweetly at me .

In my experience, and allowing for wild generalisations, boys energy and aggression needs to be carefully managed and girls nasty, hurtful behaviour needs to be recognised and managed.

Oh goodness daintynuts, you just brought back some dreadful memories! Now I remember why I was so glad to get to the end of my all-girls school and start to hang out with boys!

I have experienced this too, I was shocked the first time I helped out at Beavers at just how rowdy it was. And I stopped doing whole class parties very early as ds' year are particularly bad, the school admitted as much.

The difference isn't inherent though I think it is learnt. Round here people tend to leave their boys earlier at parties than girls and girls get disciplined more for rowdy behaviour as it is seen as worse and so the cycle continues.

OP -couldn't agree more. Stopped DS having parties at home after his 7th where I spent my time trying to get them off the furniture and to stop them breaking all DS's presents. It's been bowling/ karting/ laserquest all the way since. (DS has a winter b'day -might be easier in summer if you can chuck them in the garden!)
And sorry to stereotype but DD's parties are always an absolute pleasure and in total contrast. We've had them all at home, in winter, and even sleepovers are always great fun.

Think it must be down to group dynamics of that particular mix of kids. Saying that my dd and ds went to a boys 7th birthday party at a softplay. I was honestly shocked by the behaviour at the table of some of the boys. They were climbing everywhere and smearing ketchup and licking it off the table. My DD (6) and the other girls were sat there po-faced. My ds (4) on the other hand was sat there with a look of wonder on his face. You could tell that he thought it was the most exciting party ever.

You seem to have a real down on boisterous boys, IawnCont, why on earth would you not invite boys next time?! I can't see that as any logical conclusion. The logical conclusion is be well prepared and enjoy it. Exhaust them, be well planned, have plenty of help and don't leave time to be bored.
You will have problems if you don't accept that there is any difference between a group of girls and a group of boys - this doesn't mean girls are 'better' or preferable or that you wouldn't invite boys.

I don't think that we give boys enough of an outlet sometimes. Beavers tend to be women led and I remember one Christmas party where I was doing traditional games - the Cub leader turned up and asked if he could help so I suggested he did a couple of games while we did the food. His games were rough and exciting- one of my helpers asked if I was going to stop him 'before someone got hurt' I didn't because they loved it- even the couple who just decided to watch had eyes sparkling. It is such a shame that all this is thought 'undesirable' and a reason to prefer girls. Some girls prefer it, which is why they join scouting.

I agree with you exotic. I remember my son saying to me (later than this, around year 8) "I feel like I'm in trouble all the time, just for being me" :(

"You will have problems if you don't accept that there is any difference between a group of girls and a group of boys"
If you read what I've said on this thread, you'll see that I agree that there is a difference between the sexes.
Once again, I find that you're being patronizing towards me simply because I have a different experience to you.
My point was, if you give a blanket judgement that all boys will be boisterous, hard work, and destructive at a party, you're going to think it'd be easier without them. I don't think boys are more boisterous, personally. I think some boys are, and some girls are.
"You seem to have a real down on boisterous boys"
As is utterly obvious from my comments, the only thing I have a down on is the sweeping generalizations made about boys.

Grrr, as a mum of two girls I HATE all this gender stereotyping about girls being nastier to one another than boys. It was the boys at secondary school who called me names & were bitchy. DD1 has had a group of boys on the street being weird & nasty to her, verbally, not physically.

I get fed up with people not admitting that boys and girls are different. I would still rather do a boys party and can't why you would want to exclude them. You make it sound as if there is something wrong with boys.

They are different. DS1 spent a whole week on a play scheme- always teaming up with the same boy because they had the same interest and they got on well. At the end of the week I was astounded, he didn't know his name - 'it wasn't necessary' to quote. A girl would not only have known the name but the whole life history, the name of the best friend, what they had for breakfast etc! (speaking generalities)

I don't know, dd2 banned boys from her birthday parties for pushing her friends about when she was 3 or 4

Not as bad as the OP, but we had a party for DD at around that age. We had around 10 girls and 3 boys. Until everyone had arrived we let them run around a bit - until we round the 3 boys trampolining on my/DH's bed . When everyone was there we started party games - but the 3 boys refused, they were way too cool to play pass the parcel . The girls all joined in and had a great time, but the boys just seemed to think parties were a licence to race about madly in someone else's house.

The next time we had a party in the house we locked some rooms to contain them a bit so we could supervise better!

When I was a kid we all sat meekly waiting to be told what to do! (Or maybe my memory is failing me...)

They tend to be both sexes while little, single sex and then back to mixed.We had several years of boys only parties.

No exotic fruits DD2 would know all that stuff, DD1 wouldn't

Exotic, you know full well I'm not saying there's anything wrong with boys. I'm denying that they're more boisterous. That's a really upsetting thing for you to accuse me of, when everything I've said points to the fact that I think boys are no more trouble than girls.

daintynuts has raised a memory out of nowhere - a radio documentary I caught, years ago, about boys and girls, with a lot of kids talking in it -

A couple of boys primary school age were being interviewed, and asked whether they played with girls in breaks - they said no and were asked why not. There was a silence and then one said - 'they sit at the side and whisper, and it's nasty'.

And like a flash, my own school days came back to me. I felt trapped between boys who (nice on their own!) turned every group game into punching and yelling - and girls whose 'your my friend/your not my friend' whispering campaigns made life so anxious.

nevermind, I expect centuries of sexism and gender conformity have been overturned by now and it's all different.

They are no more trouble but they are different in a group and you need to be prepared if you want it to go smoothly.

So where do I sound as if there's something wrong with boys?

And they are more boisterous. Boys wrestlle on all occasions for fun and girls do not!

You seem to think that people are judging your boys and feeling sorry for you. I have 3 boys and am quite happy with them. I don't think people think I would be. Enter off with girls.