To wonder what the hell happens to boys at birthday parties

[pouffepants]

I've had this before. Boys that behave perfectly reasonably at all other times seem to morph into crazy creatures as soon as they enter a party.

Dd2's 6th party this afternoon. Invited a mix of boys and girls, but several of the boys couldn't come so only had 3. The boy who lives a few houses down, plays round regularly, so I know he usually behaves fine. A very small quiet mouse of a boy, renowned for being a complete sweetie. And a boy I didn't know well, but had heard was lively.

Now I expect a bit of daft and rowdy behaviour since they're excited, but honestly it was ridiculous. Literally, the second they charged through the door it turned into the scene of a crazy OTT kids film. Just hurling everything they could get their hands on at each other, jumping off stuff etc.

The girls were fine, a couple excitable, but behaved fine and joined in. But the boys? They said they wanted to play pass the parcel. So they all sat in a circle nicely, but as soon as it got to one of the boys, it just got hurled across the room. Anything involving music, just turned into fighting, not just play fighting, properly kicking each other in the head.

They went in dd's room, and they literally just pulled everything out and started smashing it against the walls, and each other. Had to bring everyone downstairs again because they were trying to smash the computer. This is a boy who plays on it perfectly nicely, when he comes round to play.

So I got the food out, and they made no attempt to eat at all, just smearing it all over each other, throwing it, pouring drinks around. I really don't like telling other people's kids off, especially at a party, but I had no choice. Spent the whole afternoon having to separate, and 'have a word', whereas my 16yo ds could manage all 8 girls no problem while I was talking to boys who seemed in a zombified crazed state.

The boy I know best, on an average day I might say 'no, we don't do that' and he'll stop, no probs. Today spent the whole of musical chairs having to hold onto him on the sofa, because if I let go, he charged into the middle of the room and knocked all the chairs over and tried to throw them. This was all before any food, so I can't blame junk.

This sort of divide has been obvious at every party I've ever done, so why do boys get SOOO hyper, while the girls just get a bit excited?

Sorry - completely the opposite of what I mean- should have been 'equates with preferring girls'.

Well I've only read the OP. We've done two boy-parties. The first was very quiet, very calm, lovely. Maybe it had something to do with my parents being there? I don't know. They were all 7 or 8. It was great so we decided to do it again the following year.

They went MENTAL. I don't know why - like you say, climbing things, opening cupboards, showing off, hurting each other - the pouring rain didn't help, they wrecked the trampoline and the only girl that was invited ended up crying.

This was only a year later.
I'm not prepared to have them here again, unless it is one at a time and even then I'm cautious.

It was awful.

Regardless of all the boy/girl stuff, I'm just amazed that you restrained a child on the sofa!!

I don't think that she had much choice BitOutOfPractice-she wanted to send them all home in one piece!

Again -inexperience -if you work with children you can't do it so you have to stop it long before that stage.

I have never come across a party like the one described. The closest was my youngest DDs almost all girls party, and that just involved them running around a bit searching for items to extend their game.
But if I knew a group of boys was likely to act like this I would : not invite them all, or have an externally run physical activity (football, trampolining etc.). If it came unexpected I would turn into a dragon, and definitely exclude them from most of the house. But we would not be having any more parties with thiarticular group of boys.

Boys are lively, as are some girls, but they don't need to act like hooligans.

but they don't need to act like hooligans.

Of course they don't! However they often will if they get over excited and get away with it. A birthday party is supposed to be fun and not somewhere that the host parent threatens them with being sent home in the first 5 minutes.

We had 7 boys here for DS's 9th birthday yesterday for DVD and Dominoes pizza - exactly what his 13 year of sister did earlier in the year.

The boys started out and finished off in the garden having pillow fights but did actually watch the film. To be fair it seemed to involve some wrestling and a bit of popcorn on the floor but when I said I wanted to pause the film near tend to do the cake, thy didn't like that idea as it was a good bit apparently. I managed to spend a quiet half an hour with a cuppa and paper at one point.

DD's party, nightmare. More popcorn on the floor, loud shrieking, marching round the house, didn't watch the film, two wouldn't talk to the others then stormed off in a huff in the end. Given the choice I'd definitely rather go through DS's than DD's.

One thing I will never be doing though is a sleepover with more than one guest per child, anymore and they just don't sleep, well not in this house.

It really breaks my heart that you would, based on sex, judge my children.

I really do think it depends on individual children, not gender.

My son's an angel. My dd is a maniac.

Saying that, I agree there can be more physical argy bargy and over exuberance from some boys.

The party sounds horrendous and I sympathise but I'm sorry I do think it sounds like it was inadequately policed - lesson learned!

I've never had a girl or held a party with girls, so my experience is circumstantial.

No one is saying that IawnCont! I can't for the life of me see why boys being a bit boisterous if over excited means that you prefer girls-give me a boy any day!
I just get fed up with not allowing for the difference -it does boys a huge disservice. I have been a Brownie leader and a Beaver leader-there is a difference-otherwise you wouldn't get girls wanting to be Beavers, Cubs and Scouts-other girls -like me- would hate it. For what it is worth I preferred being a Beaver leader. Like Wynken I would rather have a heap of wrestling boys that girls getting in a huff.
I live in an all male house and there is a difference-I constantly have to tell them that I am not odd-it is what women do-the girl friend stage is like a breath of fresh air. This doesn't mean that I would change things. Rejoice in having boys-they are lovely!

I really do think it depends on individual children, not gender

Not as a group. There is a huge difference between a Beaver meeting and a Rainbow meeting-just watch them at the start as they are still arriving.

Even more obvious when you get to Cubs and Brownies.

You are reading my posts aren't you all?

You know the bits that say
a) I have a son
b) He's easiest of my children
c) My daughters have male friends, who play around, and behave perfectly
d) I look after boys in other settings and they behave
e) My teenage son was the main, and most useful helper at the party.

My method of restraint was just to have them on the sofa next to me, they did not resist to this, and didn't attempt to escape. When they told me they could join in sensibly I let them go, and within seconds we were back to chaos.

That wasn't to you exotic. Just the people who still insist I demonise boys.

I don't understand how you let it get to the stage where they are pulling everything out and trying to smash the computer.

Party or no party, it is not acceptable for any child to start destroying stuff.
I have a ds 13 and we have had parties of up to 8 boys at home. Boys we know, not random boys from his class...boys who regularly came to tea.

Never had a problem. Yes, high spirits and fun, but not running amok.

Maybe because I was never averse to discipling them in my own house, telling them we don't do that such as jumping on sofas and emptying out every jigsaw puzzle at once

i did once tell a boy that if he would be sent home from the party if he deliberately made a mess again with food. He stopped.

I didn't say anyone was showing a preference- I said that it breaks my heart that my children would be judged because of sex. Of course, I know there are differences between the sexes, but I have honestly never heard of boys trying to smash someone's home at a birthday party, and I do find it a bit that anyone would think that that's as a result of their sex and not pack mentality/ lack of discipline.

"I was especially surprised by the little lad, as he usually comes across as extremely effeminate, so it was bizarre seeing him headbutting."
I'm sorry, but this suggests to me that you see headbutting as "male" behaviour.

Look, I am most certainly biased here, because of my own experiences. When we have had parties, children do wind each other up- At DS' last party, there was a girl who started routinely hitting children and stealing their toys, and her friends started joining in. I took them to one side and told them off, and it just kind of dispersed. But I'd never come on here and say girls were a PITA at parties.

I can quite see how your party turned out like that puffepants-you were entirely unprepared because none of your previous experience with the DCs led you to believe that a small party would turn out that way. On hindsight you would have behaved differently-but we can all say that on hindsight.

I think it far more likely that a boy would headbutt than a girl. I haven't seen much of it at all, but never a girl.

And I have never seen girls wrestle at every opportunity. Mine loved wrestling-I was the one who had a problem with it so I used to go into another room and leave them to it.

I think the problem comes from the use of 'effeminate'.

The point is though, his behaviour was out of character - whether boy-like or girl-like in different opinions - it doesn't matter.

OK, well I am happy to concede that we all have different experiences. I try to steer away from making blanket judgements, that's all.

So dont do it again?
(shrug)

Blanket judgements are quite handy when you are planning a party-if you are wrong it doesn't matter-but if you are right you have control from the start.
When I was a Brownie leader the first few minutes when they arrive were not important-they liked a bit of freedom to greet friends, chat etc, but when I was a Beaver leader you needed someone to start an activity as they came through the door!
With all parties aim to leave no time where they don't know what to do and definitely avoid games where anyone is out.