To wonder what the hell happens to boys at birthday parties

[pouffepants]

I've had this before. Boys that behave perfectly reasonably at all other times seem to morph into crazy creatures as soon as they enter a party.

Dd2's 6th party this afternoon. Invited a mix of boys and girls, but several of the boys couldn't come so only had 3. The boy who lives a few houses down, plays round regularly, so I know he usually behaves fine. A very small quiet mouse of a boy, renowned for being a complete sweetie. And a boy I didn't know well, but had heard was lively.

Now I expect a bit of daft and rowdy behaviour since they're excited, but honestly it was ridiculous. Literally, the second they charged through the door it turned into the scene of a crazy OTT kids film. Just hurling everything they could get their hands on at each other, jumping off stuff etc.

The girls were fine, a couple excitable, but behaved fine and joined in. But the boys? They said they wanted to play pass the parcel. So they all sat in a circle nicely, but as soon as it got to one of the boys, it just got hurled across the room. Anything involving music, just turned into fighting, not just play fighting, properly kicking each other in the head.

They went in dd's room, and they literally just pulled everything out and started smashing it against the walls, and each other. Had to bring everyone downstairs again because they were trying to smash the computer. This is a boy who plays on it perfectly nicely, when he comes round to play.

So I got the food out, and they made no attempt to eat at all, just smearing it all over each other, throwing it, pouring drinks around. I really don't like telling other people's kids off, especially at a party, but I had no choice. Spent the whole afternoon having to separate, and 'have a word', whereas my 16yo ds could manage all 8 girls no problem while I was talking to boys who seemed in a zombified crazed state.

The boy I know best, on an average day I might say 'no, we don't do that' and he'll stop, no probs. Today spent the whole of musical chairs having to hold onto him on the sofa, because if I let go, he charged into the middle of the room and knocked all the chairs over and tried to throw them. This was all before any food, so I can't blame junk.

This sort of divide has been obvious at every party I've ever done, so why do boys get SOOO hyper, while the girls just get a bit excited?

Ahh ok

How about bribing enlisting some more adult help next time?

Probably should have done, it just seems crazy to do so, when other times I have half the neighbourhood kids in with no problems. One warning that things are getting out of hand, and things get sorted.

It was handy when ds turned up though, the girls LOVED him, so I could try and sort out the chaos.

As somebody who has 2 boys I find your thread title an offensive generalisation.
Maybe if you had titled your thread "To wonder what the hell happens to SOME boys at parties" it might not have been so bad!

OK, point taken, agree that would have been better.

I'm just fecking baffled at how any party could end up in that sort of chaos

I could understand teenagers when no parents are at home but not young children!

And if I think hard, I can remember some who haven't been a nightmare. But all 3 today were. I was especially surprised by the little lad, as he usually comes across as extremely effeminate, so it was bizarre seeing him headbutting.

That was the thing though, it didn't end up in chaos, it started there.

One boy walked through the door, took his shoes of and flung them at the girl in front of him. His mum must have still been on our path.

"extremely effeminate". Please explain what you mean by that?

You know damn well what I meant. Softly spoken and gentle, usually plays with girls, creative. Someone will be offended but I didn't mean it offensively, it's just the first description that came to mind.

Why so aggressive? You are right though I don't think it's a particularly appropriate description for a young boy tbh.

I understood what you meant by it OP.

As well as my 2 boys I have 3 girls.
I can assure you that girls can misbehave just as much as boys can on any day of the week.
You've obviously been lucky so far and just seen one side.

A quiet, gentle creative boy must be like a girl if he's like that?

I guess I'm being defensive because I realise it's not the best description, but don't know how else to say what I want to say succinctly.

At no point did the OP say the boy was like a girl.

Not all girls are effeminate/feminine, but I'm pretty sure you know the gist of what I'm describing with the word effeminate.

Ok, got you. Actually your description in the first post reminded me of how I have witnessed my ds behave at times, but he does have ASD.

No but she was saying displaying those qualities, gentle and creative etc make him effeminate, so like a female.

Sounds a bit like DS2's 8th birthday party. I had 6 boys for videos and a sleepover. Goodness knows what possessed me. Thankfully only two of them went totally bananas, and the other 4 were the rational side of crazy, generally gentle and geeky souls, and susceptible to -threats and shame reason.

I also thank goodness that I had DS1, aged almost 15, to help me. After they'd eaten and when only two pieces of crockery had been broken, we put the clocks forward an hour (seriously!), and took them out to the local park in the pitch dark for a 'ghost hunt' where they could use up some of that adrenaline and surplus sugar/E numbers ... Then we brought them back to sleeping bags etc already set up in the sitting room, and they watched Wall-E... The wildest ones were asleep by 10pm! >Awards self medal< But I never, ever, ever had a party with more than 3 kids again!

I haven't read the whole thread but I am astounded.

I have a ds and 2 dds. My ds is pretty full on, and so is dd2. We have had at home parties for all birthdays, I am pretty traditional so it is games, treasure hunt, pass the parcel, etc etc and then tea. All dds parties so far are co-ed. Ds has had 3 boy only parties.
Last 2 years I had 7-8 boys aged 8 and 9 we had table football competition one year and last year dh took the boys to the rec ground in the dark to play glow in the dark football, then pizza, dvd and sleep over.

I have never, ever had any of the behaviour you suggested. I would not tolerate it. I would be astounded to hear of it happening at anyone elses house either. I have no idea what goes on in your neck of the woods, but the boys round here don't do it. Neither do the girls. And we have kids from big variety of backgrounds at school, so can't blame that either.

Only thing I can suggest - I always do a physical outdoor game to start. (birthday months are dec, nov and march) make them run around, usually a treasure hunt. I always have a plan that is packed full of activities, so we go from one to another, very little free play time, and usually not upstairs and I always make them sit down at table for tea.
I also always limit the number to fewer than 10.

Haven't heard this from other mums either. Sorry, don't get it.

Personally, I put it down to inexperience. My own DS2 is a gentle, well-behaved soul. His best couple of friends are too. I was therefore unused to having to'lay down the law'. But at his b'day party, we foolishly widened the circle of people invited, and there were a couple of 'wild' boys. Once they started, the calmer boys became less calm, and I just wasn't ready for it. I tried to treat them the way I had always previously treated DS2 and friends, but distraction and asking nicely and rationalising just didn't work with the others .

I agree that it's a good idea to exhaust them with outdoor physical activities and fill every available minute

I ended up supervising my niece's 5th birthday party recently, mostly on my own (once entirely on my own for almost an hour) which was attended by another 5 year old girl and then the rest boys, aged 4, 5, 5, 7, 7, 8, 9 and 9. (Three of those were her brothers.) I brought an inflatable slide with me which was excellent for keeping them busy, but when anyone broke the rules I treated them exactly the same. Some of those kids I'd only met on that day, but I did warnings and time outs and ten minute bans with them exactly as I did with my niece and nephews and it bloody worked to keep things under control.

But then I can't be doing with this 'too scared to tell off other people's kids' stuff. If I'm in loco parentis then I'm parenting, and if the parent is there but not being effective, I'm not doing the kid any favours by letting them get away with the behaviour. I have yet to have a parent tell me to feck off - my sister and her mates have actually thanked me before.

We took 20 5/6 year olds to soft play for ds3's 6th birthday. Fortunately we had 2 adults and three teenagers to supervise them.

The boys did a fair bit of wrestling and bashing each other but all sat nicely to eat their tea.

The girls spent the whole time in tears, moaning and whining, "she won't be my friend, hold my hand, she's playing with x and she should be playing with me" etc. to be fair they did sit and eat their tea but several wanted "butter sandwiches" when it was cheese, ham or jam on offer. The soft play were very obliging!

I found the boys a lot easier, but then I only have boys and am not used to girls.

I've told ds that from now on it's 3 children to the cinema!

I couldn't bear to continue to read the rest of the thread after a couple of YANBUs. OP what a thoughtless and exaggerated post. I have three sons and constantly get "oh poor you" comments, usually from those with girls. Your post is just another example of the assumption from society that boys are wild undisciplined monsters. The ONLY sadness I feel at having three boys is that they have to grow up with attitudes like yours around.
To conclude YABVU

I apologise if I was patronising but as someone who has had a lot to do with parties I get irritated by people who say there is no difference between boys and girls. There is a big difference when you get them with a group -( we can all find exceptions - I am talking about generally)- what I don't understand is why this equates with preferring boys. I have 3 of them, am quite happy to have 3, and am not in the least bothered that I didn't have a girl - but I am realistic.
I can quite see that OP had problems but she was taken totally unawares and was inexperienced and too nice to be an old dragon at the start.
I could say with DS1 and DS2 that I had never seen anything like it but DS3 had friends who need to be kept in firmer check. One boy started them all off and we refused to have him again. We had quite an argument with DS as in 'it is my party and I should choose my friends'- my DH and I both put our foot down and said we were sorry but that particular boy made the whole experience unpleasant and hard work. A friend had the same combination for a sleepover, I saw it as a recipe for disaster as she had a film that some of them had seen. She had a terrible time. I said to DS 'I hope that you were well behaved' but of course he would have joined in - at 9yrs you are not going to sit there saying 'you are all being naughty!'
You do have to be very well planned, never have games where anyone is out, always have an activity for the first one who finishes eating and never let them have a spare moment- keep them engaged all the time. Wear them out! With girls you can afford moments of rest- they will chat and you don't need to tire them out.
If people won't accept a difference between boys and girls I wonder why they have a preference at birth.