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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to have stomped downstairs and called DP a knobhead

106 replies

CanIOfferYouAPombear · 15/09/2012 07:16

I hate waking up. It takes me ages to come round and start feeling human. DP is very aware of this as he bitches and moans about it every morning. DP is used to getting up at 5.30, I hate anything before 7.

So this morning he wakes up at 5.30, tries to get me to wank him but I'm having none of it so he gets up n ready etc. all ok so far.

Then a 6.30 he comes up again and starts touching me up...it's still a no (well its actually more of a series of grunts and moans tbh).

So then...this is the bit that really riles me....he puts his fucking freezing cold hands on my legs and starts laughing! What a fucking knob! My screams wake ds up (who's also grumpy on a morning) and then DP leaves me to it and refuses to get ds up.

And that's where the story ends. I came stomping downstairs with a face like thunder, call him a knobhead and he calls me a few fruity words. Now he's not speaking to me.

Grrr...I hate mornings :(

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 15/09/2012 09:10

Ummm one more time for everyone who thinks it's funny and that 'hubby just wants some morning action hun LOL'

The h in question used to do this to OP this every day

Tried to have sex with her every morning at 5.30am

When she didn't want him to

And told him so

When she didn't need to get up and wanted more sleep

But that's all ok because as OP says she just wants know if she was being 'a grump'

anastaisia · 15/09/2012 09:12

Do they? That seems rather a generalisation. It's certainly not my experience of men. Some men, like some women, are immature and unable to accept things not going their own way.

How horrific that they seem to be in such positions of power in governments and the military and business if they all have the emotional maturity of a toddler. I wonder how on earth they manage to cope with serious decisions and appropriate workplace boundaries.

anastaisia · 15/09/2012 09:16

sorry. That's totally a side track off the OP.

I agree with ProudnScary's post. I think it's a horrible thing for a partner to do when they've already been told the OP wanted to sleep.

imnotmymum · 15/09/2012 09:17

Hee Hee. My DH runs an extremely successful business and yes was a generalisation but when speaking with friends there are occasion when they are toddleresque. I should know better than to make a light hearted comment and I am going to sit on the naughty step

messyisthenewtidy · 15/09/2012 09:19

Jumping, interesting that no one came along saying those things you predicted. But someone did come along saying that someone would come along to say all those things.... you!

Maybe you would like the fems to take the view that "men are toddlers"?

Anyhow, advice for OP. this used to be a real problem for me cos XP was a real bunny rabbit and I went round feeling sleep deprived which isn't nice. . I learnt "sleep kung-fu" which worked a treat. Next time your DH does it just lash out exaggeratedly (preferrably landing a huge wollop) then go straight back to sleep. Then later you can just pretend you were having a bad dream!

pictish · 15/09/2012 09:20

Giggle about the bedroom antics? Hmm

So he tried it on at 5.30am (what the fuck?) - and got rebuffed, then was back an hour later giving it another go....and felt it was grand to wake the OP and make her scream with his cold hands. When she protested, he fell out with her!

Where are the giggles?

OP is excusing it as he hasn't had any for a few days.....so obviously she feels his behaviour was justified.
I don't.

anastaisia · 15/09/2012 09:22

Mooches back to the sidetrack

Honest to god I don't know why ANYONE would go out, sleep with or marry someone who at times behaves like a toddler. It'd put me right off them.

Proudnscary · 15/09/2012 09:22

Hallelujah

Thought I was on my own here

ShiirleyKnott · 15/09/2012 09:23

Jumping sounds like the sort of person who says "I'm MAD,me"

imnotmymum · 15/09/2012 09:23

Sometimes do you not have a Kevin moment anastasia ????

anastaisia · 15/09/2012 09:26

Do I ever feel like throwing myself on the floor and having a tantrum about the fact the house is a tip again and I have too much work to do and life is hard? Yes

Do I behave like that? No, because I'm an adult. And certainly not ever to the extent that people would notice and comment and generalise that all anastaisia's are toddlers!

Proudnscary · 15/09/2012 09:27

Grin @ Shirley

bulletwithbutterflywings · 15/09/2012 09:27

Sidetracking the thread a little here, but why do some posters think it's ok to talk about cutting off mens penises and cheese grating them? If there was talk like this of disgusting revenge and torture on womens genitals I'm sure they would be horrified.
It seems to be a common/ acceptable thing for a woman to threaten or joke about. Which is pretty revolting imo.

DontmindifIdo · 15/09/2012 09:28

It needs spelling out in small words. I would calmly tell him that you now are really upset and offended by his behaviour, tell him that you will never want sex before 7am, and him trying to get you to wank him off or shag before 7am just means that a) you won't do it and b) you'll be in a bad mood and won't want sex at all that day.

messyisthenewtidy · 15/09/2012 09:30

I agree Shirley and Proud, a bit too self-defining..

bulletwithbutterflywings · 15/09/2012 09:30

Oh, and I do realise that there are men who say awful things about women in a similar vein but these men are quickly described as monstrous ime.

imnotmymum · 15/09/2012 09:35

Oh I really was not saying that my DH throws himself on the floor anastasia really was a throw away comment to describe a "It not fair moment" Grin at all anastasias are toddlers. I apologise for my meh-ness.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/09/2012 09:41

Shirley - indeed. Hmm

There is so much wrong with this thread that I don't even know where to start.

OP - your DP is clearly a juvenile twat.

I am not a morning person, DH is. This morning our boys woke up us at 6.15. We all had a snuggle and then they went to play in their room. DH was feeling frisky, I was not. We had a cuddle and then he got up with the boys and left me sleeping and brought me tea an hour later. That is normal, loving, adult behaviour.

Thistledew · 15/09/2012 09:47

Bullet- I think it comes from an appreciation that in many/some relationships a woman will hold less power than the man, and that her expressing her feelings and wants in a calm way isn't going to get her heard or respected. I don't think it is an indication that any woman actually harbours a secret desire to harm her partner.

OP - YANBU It takes me ages to come too in the morning as well, and I know the feeling of wanting to feel bright and with it and happy, but being unable to do so no matter how much you try. My DP knows this too even though he is usually bright and bushy tailed in the mornings. He recognises how unpleasant it is for me to be disturbed so wouldn't dream of if. I have to say you DH sounds like a bit of a bully. Is this the only time of day when his feelings come above yours or does it happen at other times too?

LisaMed · 15/09/2012 09:48

Take away the sex bit and try a different analogy

Wife knows husband doesn't like sugar in his coffee, and he really enjoys the first coffee of the day. So most days she makes sure that she puts sugar in his first cup of coffee, even though he doesn't like it, although the wife does take sugar in her coffee. It really spoils the day for him, he likes his first cup of coffee in the morning, and he doesn't like sugar, but he gets sugar put in his coffee because his wife thinks it's funny. If he objects, she sulks and complains and gets angry if he makes himself a fresh cup of coffee.

The wife keeps putting sugar in his coffee and thinks it is hysterical. Then she complains because he gets upset. The husband feels that his wife doesn't care about what he wants. He doesn't want sugar in his coffee, but she does it anyway, knowing that he doesn't like it and that it spoils his day. The husband finally articulates that most days his wife does something that she knows will upset him and that she will get angry if he shows signs of upset or doesn't drink the coffee with sugar in that he doesn't like. This tells him that his wife doesn't care about his feelings, doesn't care about spoiling his day, and is happy to upset him if she thinks it is funny. He also feels that when she gets angry if he rejects the coffee or shows that he is upset then the wife is showing that he has no right to his own feelings or his own preferences.

jumping - I would not do what you do. I believe that if you plan to spend the rest of your life with someone, then in the long run it is more practical to be pleasant to each other and not actively build up massive resentment. However I am sure that you are happy in your relationship and so is your partner - each to their own.

bulletwithbutterflywings · 15/09/2012 09:51

Bullet- I think it comes from an appreciation that in many/some relationships a woman will hold less power than the man, and that her expressing her feelings and wants in a calm way isn't going to get her heard or respected. I don't think it is an indication that any woman actually harbours a secret desire to harm her partner
And this makes it an ok thing to say??

GoldShip · 15/09/2012 10:00

Jumping got it in one.

Funny how things can be taken in completely different contexts.

Thistledew · 15/09/2012 10:00

Does it? I wouldn't have said so. I was just making a suggestion as to why it might happen. I prefer the option of making sure I have a partner who respects me.

bulletwithbutterflywings · 15/09/2012 10:04

No it doesn't. I'm going to start a thread about it so answers don't relate to this op in particular, because what I said had nothing to do with the op but the responses.

Catsmamma · 15/09/2012 10:05

it's a shame you are married to someone so irredeemably stupid that after a serious length of time together he still thinks you are going to be up for action at 5.30 am

and 7 am is hardly a lie in!