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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to have stomped downstairs and called DP a knobhead

106 replies

CanIOfferYouAPombear · 15/09/2012 07:16

I hate waking up. It takes me ages to come round and start feeling human. DP is very aware of this as he bitches and moans about it every morning. DP is used to getting up at 5.30, I hate anything before 7.

So this morning he wakes up at 5.30, tries to get me to wank him but I'm having none of it so he gets up n ready etc. all ok so far.

Then a 6.30 he comes up again and starts touching me up...it's still a no (well its actually more of a series of grunts and moans tbh).

So then...this is the bit that really riles me....he puts his fucking freezing cold hands on my legs and starts laughing! What a fucking knob! My screams wake ds up (who's also grumpy on a morning) and then DP leaves me to it and refuses to get ds up.

And that's where the story ends. I came stomping downstairs with a face like thunder, call him a knobhead and he calls me a few fruity words. Now he's not speaking to me.

Grrr...I hate mornings :(

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 15/09/2012 08:11

At 5.30am? When he knows she doesn't want to be touched or disturbed? When she doesn't have to get up?

Either he is a 'practical joker' - the types of which I have never found funny (they are usually knobs with no actual sense of humour).

Or he is a selfish, gropey arsehole.

Or both.

StrawberrytallCAKE · 15/09/2012 08:15

No, my dh doesn't touch me sexually without my permission Hmm

LST · 15/09/2012 08:16

Jesus.. Each to their own.

Original poster
CanIOfferYouAPombear · 15/09/2012 08:16

Eh? I haven't said it wasn't that bad, I was just saying he's not some sort of weird perv.
I'm still pissed off but there's not really much I can do about it now.

OP posts:
FoxyRoxy · 15/09/2012 08:18
  1. Why the fuck do you have to get up at 5.30am on a Saturday when your child is clearly still asleep? Is your H that immature he can't be up by himself?
  1. If my H tried to get me to wank him off in the middle of the night while I was asleep I'd use sandpaper.
Proudnscary · 15/09/2012 08:21

LST what's so difficult to understand about not wanting to be touched sexually TWICE at 5.30am/6.30am in the morning when you are not in the mood and want to sleep and your husband knows that?

Proudnscary · 15/09/2012 08:22

Foxy - or a cheese grater

Proudnscary · 15/09/2012 08:22

(knob cheese grater - ha ha ha ha...sorry)

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 15/09/2012 08:22

Well, if it's any help Pombear in the light of this thread, I've just run upstairs, hurtled on to the bed, jumped up and down, announced "Wahay! It's bouncing day and I'm Tigger, get up, get up, get up and Tigger with me!"!!

This caused one eye to open and say "oh god, you're happy"

Which provoked me into licking his ear and blowing on it

This got the reaction "geroff"

I then danced round the bedroom topless (he perked at this point) and said "are you after something?", so I grabbed his arse and said "nah, you're all right for the moment, I'm just testing something out on MN"

yay!

Oh dear strawberry :-( I didn't get written permission to touch him. I am so bad!

FoxyRoxy · 15/09/2012 08:24

Proud- Tabasco lube?

Proudnscary · 15/09/2012 08:24

Wow you are like so cool Jumping!

Oh and spectacularly missing the point

LST · 15/09/2012 08:25

Haha jumping love it!!

And proud if it was every morning fair enough. But by the sounds of it its not.

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 15/09/2012 08:28

I epitomise lunacy Grin

the Op wasn't offended by her husband she was annoyed at him waking her up. Some of you, with your tunnel vision feminism, missed the point of the Op spectacularly. I think only LST and I grasped the real concept.

There are two ways thread like this will go: either amusing revenge of ice cubes up the backside and laughing - or the very very stern views of those who think all men are the enemy and the wanker chorus starts

Proudnscary · 15/09/2012 08:29

LST - true. If it was a one off, fair enough.

In all seriousness I have a close friend who goes through this several times a week and it is NOT funny. I feel sick for her and think it is abusive.

You can't (well you can, but I can't) just write off people on this thread as being OTT po-faced stick-in-the-muds for saying that if this was them they would find this behaviour horrible. I know I would.

Badgerina · 15/09/2012 08:30

Revenge. You need to plot revenge... Grin

openerofjars · 15/09/2012 08:31

Foxy, coffee just came out of my nose, thanks. Do you have any idea how much I needed that caffeine? Grin

Look, 5:30 is too early and he is a cockfaced wankbadger. You are so totally in the right here. Tell him to fuck off, and when he gets there etc.

Original poster
CanIOfferYouAPombear · 15/09/2012 08:31

Hahaha jumping! At least this is a more respectable time for it!

It did used to be every morning but he got sick of me being quite rightly angry every day. I think he did it cos he can't see the difference between us, eg he would love to be woken up by me touching him up, I can't stand even trying to form a sentence in the morning till I've had a cup of tea.

I'm not saying its ok for him to act like a dick, just saying I can see why he thought it was iykwim?

OP posts:
StrawberrytallCAKE · 15/09/2012 08:34

Of course jumping that's exactly what I said, written confirmation if possible 24 hours previously. A bit like a tenancy agreement.

Obviously it is ridiculous of me to expect my dh to respect my body.

And I keep my knob grater under my pillow at all times.

Proudnscary · 15/09/2012 08:34

Oh OK so he did used to grope you every morning? Every morning? When he knew you didn't have to get up? He knows you are not a morning person? He knows you don't want to have sex? At 5.30/6am?

Mmm hmm.

Fucking hell, love.

Keep laughing everyone.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 15/09/2012 08:36

Christ. I'm a snarling beast first thing in the morning. DH wouldn't want me anywhere near his genitalia unless he wanted it permanently rearranged and stuck to his forehead. Calling him a knobhead was really quite mild in my world. I'd be having words about a) waking me up to perform a sexual service and b) waking up the DC and then being an arse about getting him up. If you speak calmly and quietly but with a certain murderous glint in your eye, he should get the message.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 15/09/2012 08:40

I didn't used to find it funny. I used to get depressed.
Being woken every morning and then dealing with the anger and sulking.

It was fucking horrible and blighted our relationship for years.
Then oh grew up and things got a lot better.

imnotmymum · 15/09/2012 08:41

He just wanted some morning action OP. He got narked when didn't had a mutter and is mardy. Men are toddlers. My DH was a grump this morning as he had to go to work and will be missing his "sexual activity" Grin

Original poster
CanIOfferYouAPombear · 15/09/2012 08:49

Aye I know he meant it in a harmless way imnotmymum but I can't control myself that early on a morning. I know it sounds daft but I just can't clear the fog from my brain for at least 30 mins and a cup of tea, he knows what I'm like so it shouldnt come as a surprise to him really.

There's some backstory I could go in to which would explain our dynamic a bit better but I cba and have a busy day ahead.
I just wanted to check I was NBU as couldn't tell if it was just me being a grump on a morning.

OP posts:
anastaisia · 15/09/2012 09:07

"Men are toddlers."

Hmm
imnotmymum · 15/09/2012 09:09

Well they do like to stamp their feet when not get own way. My DH is amazing but really can get a face on

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