To object to DH wanting me to use my church attendance to get dd1 into school

[pouffepants]

Dd1 is due to go to high school next year. She is a mouse and has mild sn, so we are obv very nervous of this.

Amongst our choices is a c of e school, which you have to attend church to get in. I do attend church, always have and would describe myself as a christian. The school in question has the best results in the area, and is considered the best school by most. I am dubious about this, and think that they probably only achieve so well because they avoid the difficult families by backdoor elitism, which I have a problem with.

Dh agrees with this theory, but thinks I should bite the bullet and use my church attendance to get her in. I am very unhappy about using my religion in this way, in fact I'm unhappy with religious schools at all, but if a school is run by christians then it should run on a christian philosophy of caring for everyone, not just their own.

Dh says he would be unwilling to attend church himself to get her in. If it were THAT important for him to have her attend there, then I think he should be prepared to do this. ie. he wants me to compromise my beliefs for this, but is unwilling to himself.

AIBU to be annoyed by this stance?

I hope your daughter does very well in your chosen school, pouffepants.
In spite of your principals.
Will you extend these principals to other areas of your children's lives, do you think? Not allowing them to have toys of their choice on the grounds that all children in the community might not be able to have them too?
Ban holidays, as obviously the poorer children may not be going anywhere? Just how far are you prepared to put the community at a large on a par with your own children?

I don't know any school that seeks children out

And don't be so ridiculous the church doesn't exclude people who don't apply. It doesn't even consider them. Just like the other non religious school down the road who didn't get an application either

I however see first hand how she doesn't really fit in with the very middle class church kids

Believe me, church schools are not full of middle class church kids.
The mix of individual backgrounds is better than in a catchment comp. I'll give you that.

Where I live there is a definite difference between how difficult it is to get into the CofE school and the Catholic schools. CofE secondary here requires regular church attendance - people who start going when their DC are in Y4 or 5 will not get the form signed. A proportion of places are set aside for those who can prove a commitment to another faith. The Catholic secondaries just seem to require you to have walked past a Catholic at some point to qualify for admission.

The CofE school was better than most in the LA because of the commitment it took to get into. However, the latest results have shown that it has not improved whilst those around it have, so it is average at best now. It trades on its reputation. School reputations are usually a few years out of date, so this is worth remembering.

I know of one CofE primary school that has a 98 % Muslim intake as the demographic in the catchment area has changed since it was opened. It is normal to have a mix of faiths in primaries here, then we have two recent Muslim secondary schools opening so there is more of a split at secondary level.

I work in a VA CofE school in a different LA. We even have a chapel. The Dep Head was unsure which diocese we were in. That is how seriously faith is taken there. We take from the local catchment and it is truly mixed. 15 minutes up the road the CofE school allows prospective parents and DC to miss only 2 weeks of church per year before they have no chance of getting in. Our results are lower than theirs - but we get a lot of their kids 2 or 3 years in as they do everything possible to encourage students with SEN to leave.

Flogging, my issue is not fairness per se (although that'd be nice), it's signing up to a christian organisation, that does not practice what it preaches. The whole business of the church is to preach, and if it can't even follow it's own teachings, then i don't think it has any business calling itself christian.

To then exclude non-christians, is creating religious division, off the back of teachings that they don't adhere to.

Sharing around of wealth and opportunities is something that I probably should do more of, but is usually on an as and when basis when I see need. It is not the same as signing up to an organisation that I disagree with to take what I want, and just ignore this.

There is no way of having a true christian school without caring for everyone, and i suspect the same goes for other religions.

Our particular church school is definitely very middle class.

I think you should stop attending the church. It doesn't make sense to boycott the school because you object to the church's hypocrisy - but to continue to attend the church. Apart from that I agree with hackmum. It doesn't seem you like this school anyway.

I sort of agree with that, because there are so many things in organised church that I disagree with. I keep attempting not to go, when I get annoyed about things.

But in a busy life, I find it very difficult to set aside time for reflection. And often the chuirch's talk will be on subject matter that I have not given great thought to. I very often disagree with their take on it, but it's a very good starting point for internal dialogue.

I also like my children to attend, I feel it's a better standpoint for a rounded outlook than not going. They are taught a religious viewpoint, but then if they come home talking about something they've learnt, I encourage them to think about it for themselves.

Of course this doesn't give them an insight into other religions, but I can't do everything. I just make them aware that other religions exist.