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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Women who let their hair go grey

836 replies

CJ2010 · 13/09/2012 10:36

I don't understand why women, except the very old, say age 70 plus do not cover their grey hair?

I know a couple of women who have just turned 40 who are letting their grey come through and are just leaving it. It makes them
look so much older and washed out. I don't understand it really. I appreciate that some women are into the 'natural' look and are not fussed with make up and hair dye but I think by not having colour on your hair you age yourself dramatically.

Grey hair looks so wrong on younger women. AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
squoosh · 14/09/2012 17:39

I think a lot of folks here have lovely ideas in theory, but when it comes to it, might be tempted to dye their own hair when the grey starts.

I love dying my hair, I just support other people's right not to if that's what pleases them.

NoMoreNotNever · 14/09/2012 17:39

My mother went white/grey in her early twenties. Right about when she married my father. Had two children, got around the world a lot, good job, helped a lot of people, both now happily retired. Given all the important stuff that she has got right in her life, I can see why it never occurred to her to wonder if some people, some of the time, wondered if she might be older or younger than she was.

skirt · 14/09/2012 17:47

I'm 47 and I dye my hair. But when I decide that I can't be arsed to do it anymore I won't really give a flying fart what anyone else thinks of me and my haggard, elderly, offensively wizzened face

merrymouse · 14/09/2012 17:48

YABU. It costs a fortune to get your hair coloured and highlighted regularly at a hair dresser's and doing it yourself is very time consuming. It is also possible for a woman with grey hair to look much, much better than a woman with a bad dye job.

blackcurrants · 14/09/2012 17:51

I found my first white hairs the week after my 21st birthday. I am now 32 and have silver at my temples and fringe, and lower down my head (sort of 'under' my parting - but basically a fair sprinkling of them throughout).

I had this thread in mind when I got a haircut this morning, and said to my (brilliant, in her 60s, very stylish, almost certainly dyes a bit) hairdresser: "I can't be arsed with dying my hair, but maybe it's aging me... should I? Do you think I look washed out?"
She said "oh God no! It's coming in a beautiful pure white and you look like you have expensive highlights. Honestly, until and unless you feel like your whole colour is changing and you don't want it to, don't start. It rarely looks as good as going with the colours you were born with."

I thought: Blimey! she could have convinced me to spend a lot of money, and she decided not to!

I love my hairdresser. Grin

garlicnutty · 14/09/2012 17:58

I love your hairdresser, too, blackcurrants :)

And: HecateHarshPants Fri 14-Sep-12 07:59:56 - [like]

lljkk · 14/09/2012 18:16

Why do you keep saying that the OP is judging women who don't die their hair? And why do you assume that she's obsessed with looking younger?

Perhaps we can split hairs over what's opinion vs. judgement.

It makes them look so much older and washed out... you age yourself dramatically.

It's the fact that she doesn't elaborate on why those are relevant opinions, she just presume that we all know that of course it's not optimal to look older & washed out; that's what turns it into a judgement.

Grey hair looks so wrong on younger women.

"wrong". Not merely "I don't like it in the same way I don't like peanut butter", type statement, which would be a mere preference/opinion, but "wrong", in general, for everyone else too.

blackcurrants · 14/09/2012 18:56

I think, after further thought, I have worked out what I found so narking about the OP's posts.

Somedays I like to dress up fancy. Somedays I don't. I don't have any particular opinion about people who dye or don't dye their hair, though I happen to work with some women in their 40s and 50s who haven't dyed and look extremely good, so I suppose I have positive 'silvervixen' role models, which I know few women see.

What irked me about the OP's posts and general attitude was the idea that I owe the world an attractive appearance.

As if it is somehow my duty to look 'my best' at all times because I am a woman and otherwise I am letting the side down, or something.

I can't be arsed with thinking like that.

minipie · 14/09/2012 18:58

OP, why do you assume that looking younger = better?

soorploom · 14/09/2012 19:30

actually i've just noticed that my under arm hair is very grey and unruly too and although it matches well with the downbelow hair i might have to do a bit of trimming.......

TudorJess · 14/09/2012 19:53

"I appreciate that some women are into the 'natural' look and are not fussed with make up and hair dye"

That's your answer then OP. YABU.

giveitago · 14/09/2012 19:58

OP yabu - I'm going grey and I'm in my mid 40s. No idea about colouring my hair as I don't have a great or regular hairdresser. Plus I think if you start colouring it's life long?

I'm waiting to go even more grey. I don't give a shite. It's my hair - it's ageing and so am I. It doesn't age me - it actually helps people with my true age as finally I'm not asked for ID to buy a bottle of wine in my 40s.

It's not ageing me - it's my age. I'm not ashamed ashamed of my age. I'm not remotely concerned about my greyness.

PessimisticMissPiggy · 14/09/2012 20:13

I'm actually thinking of dying my hair grey because it'll be easier to accept my fate than keep battling it.

YABU

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 14/09/2012 20:20

Oh no, my DS2 (4m) has a white patch of hair, I'd better get the dye on it.

Hang on, it's okay...
Phew...
He's a boy.
Panic over.

Hmm
merrymouse · 14/09/2012 20:27

It depends on the texture of your hair too.

I think the OP has an awful lot of faith in hair dye. If it were that easy nobody would be walking around with frazzled looking part red/part black hair.

Sometimes you just reach a stage where it is more graceful and chic to give in to your natural hair colour. (Although I would certainly consider having my grey hair coloured to look a better shade of grey - sleekly white rather than salt and pepper).

pigletmania · 14/09/2012 21:47

You are wrong, some people don't want to use dyes as they could cause allergic reaction

Latonia · 14/09/2012 22:21
Biscuit

By the way 70 is not VERY old these days, unless you're aged 14 or 15, which I suspect the OP may not be far off.

mumblecrumble · 16/09/2012 22:19

I found another grey hair and DID NOT PLUCK it out just to protest at this thread.

EcoLady · 16/09/2012 23:51

I have mousy hair that is going grey. It started at 35 and I am now 44.

I think of the grey hairs as my natural silver highlights ... and I have earned every single damned one of them!

I'm actually looking forward to having a head of striking white hair instead of the nondescript mousy dark blond that I had. The white hairs are thicker and stronger too. Bring it on Grin

AdoraBell · 17/09/2012 00:14

I've never considered dying my hair, despite the grey. Was once told by a hair dresser "your hair is so beautiful, all the colours in it, especially the grey"

I think anyone who has the time to "not understand" why a woman would "allow" her hair to be grey must have a very empty life indeed. MIL told me when I first me OH that she "is not allowed to go grey" I did refrain from asking WTF she hadn't divorced the self important bigot who dictated that.

I will do what I see fit with my hair and if someone doesn't like that then that really is not my problem.

BustersOfDoom · 17/09/2012 00:22

This is just about personal choice. There is no right or wrong. And calling women who choose to dye their hair rather than embrace the grey vain is just a little mean. My 70 year old DM has a beautiful silver bob but I don't want to look like her just yet. I'm 45! I'll wait a few years for the silver bob thanks.

I started going grey at 21 so I've been dying my hair as long as I can remember. These days I'm blonde because I have so much grey that it would be daft to try and dye my hair darker and it wouldn't match my skin tone now. I have my roots done every 6-8 weeks and that's all I need.

Go grey if you like, your choice, but please don't insinuate I'm somehow letting down the sisterhood because I choose not to just yet.

doinmummy · 17/09/2012 00:22

Natural silver hair looks so much better than the truly awful khaki colour that some women who dye their hair walk around with.

I think it's the OP's tone that has annoyed me, as if women owe it to the world NOT to look older than they are.

LapsedPacifist · 17/09/2012 01:13

I have dyed my hair for the last 30 years. Henna-ed my locks auburn, scarlet, jet-black, mahogany, purple, whatever takes my fancy.

I'm probably 90% grey under my tints, but WTF? At the age of 51, I pay other people to sort out my rug every 6 weeks and kill the silver bastards! grin]

I'm a v. nasty Feminist, with a 70's stylee, dungaree-wearing, Greenham-protesting, Women's Aid worker pedigree, but I also wear loads of slap these days and have always shaved me pits.

So what? Lasses of my demographic are currently the most economically disadvantedged demographic in this country (female, 50+) - so I'll Carpe whatever fucking Diem I can grasp.

OneMoreChap · 17/09/2012 08:47

LapsedPacifist Mon 17-Sep-12 01:13:36
I have dyed my hair for the last 30 years. Henna-ed my locks auburn, scarlet, jet-black, mahogany, purple, whatever takes my fancy.

Last 4 words.
People should do what they feel like - and I bet a pound to a pinch of pigshit that you couldn't geive a toss is someone else doesn't dye their hair!

More power to your elbow!

flatbellyfella · 17/09/2012 09:35

I have lived with my silver grey hair for 30 years,it's never bothered me that I look old before my time. I have noticed several young women lately that have coloured their hair grey,& it looks really good on youngsters,with bobbed hair styles. Grey's the new blonde.