to be utterly livid with this nurse and feel like weeping

[ClaudiaSchiffer]

I took my daughters (7 & 5) to the local docs today for a flu vac, whilst sitting in with the nurse she turned to me and asked all sweetness like, "are you their granny?" "granny or mum?" "granny?" "mum???".

I'M 44 ffs.

Ok my hair has it's own natural highlights steel grey, but really, who mistakes a FORTY FOUR year old for the kids GRANDMA. (OK I know there are 44 yr old grandmas and I salute you but REALLY!).

I am devastated.

YANBU but I don't think there is a lot you can do :-/

i wouldn't take it as a sign you are looking old, I do know several grannies in their mid 40s

There are plenty of 44 year old grandmothers..

I am booking in for a full face peel, botox and fillers + highlights and a boob job.

Gutted.

Seriously tho, isn't it a weird question to ask? It had no bearing on the kids treatment. I can't think why she needed to ask.

unless she couldn't believe someone as haggard as me could have lovely young children

oh dear, just ignore her-in her defence, I am 35 and a girl who was in my year at school is a grandma. Naice....

Well, I suppose you could have had a dd at 18 and that dd had your children when she was 19 and 21, so it is not an impossibility, or even unlikely.

However, I would have thought from the nurse's pov, she was on far safer ground to assume any woman within childbearing years is the mother unless told otherwise. If you had been the grandmother, and she assumed you were the mother, you would have been flattered to still be considered young enough. Whereas, assuming you are the grandmother, or suggesting you might be, has only caused upset.

FWIW, I'm 47 and my youngest is 9 so I'm with you

I could have made my mother a gma at 44. She wan't young when she had me 25, and though a bit socially unacceptabel to have a child at 20 according to some, perfectly doable

no, its not that you look old, its that boundaries have changed so much you can very easily have a granny of 40 years or a mum of 50 years.

Me now

Me tomozza post surgery

You might not have had permission to bring them if you were granma rather than mother, you might not have been able to sign the forms.

Bit crass, but not really a big deal, is it? You are old enough to be their grandmother (sorry).

I'm 44 and I know someone a year younger than me who already has school-age grandchildren. But yes, very tactless of the nurse.

Aww.
What a silly young woman that nurse is and good for you for leaving your 'highlights' as they are!

Never mind if there are lots of mid-40s grannies - it's still a really rude thing to say!! "Granny or mum?" in what situation could that possibly be an ok thing to say out loud to someone? It's as bad as "pregnant or fat?"

I'm sure I'm going to get this any day now and will hate it, but try not to let her get to you. An ideal opportunity to use "that was quite rude, did you mean to be rude?" but it never pops into my head in time.

Oh dear. I remember that happening to my mum when I was 10 and at a friend's party and one of the girl's said, your gran's here. My mum would have been 45 and had gone grey naturally, and in those days older mother's were more unusual, although by today's standards she wasn't that old , but 35 when she had me and 38 when she had my sister.
But the fact of the matter is, you are old enough to be a granny (and so am I, also 44!) my brother's partner and mother of his dd (4) has just become a granny and my niece is an aunty at 4 years old! Brother's partner is 44!
Also there are alot of young grannies around.

There are plenty of 44 year old grandparents. It's still a bit of an odd thing to ask though, surely you'd assume the person taking the child to their appointment is their parent unless there's reason to think otherwise.

And if they actually need to know for some reason, surely you'd ask 'are you their mum'? rather than making a guess at whatever other relationship it might be?

The links :o
Your point is well made.

Good point ladies, if I'd had kids when my mum did (21), I could easily have hoards of grandkiddies around.

Oh Jeezus I am feeling suddenly very old. After kidding myself I am the picture of youthful vitality

I've been accused of being my DSIS's mum. She was 15, I was 17. OK we had been swimming and I did look a state with my wet hair scrapped back and squinting without my glasses.

I have also been accused of being my, then 13yo DD1's sister.
We were larking about and teasing each other, but she's 30 years younger than me

My mum used to get mistaken for my granny sometimes, but she was 42 when I was born and looked older than he was.

The nurse would have far been better asking if you were their mum, I guess they need to have consent from a parent to do jabs. What if a parent didn't have their dc to have a jab and granny took them behind their back?

OP - those pics made me l o l

Listen matey - you are being oversensitive - there are loads of young grannies! Grannies don't all have cauliflower head and support stockings.

Three of my mates are grannies, and they are vibrant and sexy and way cool. But they are not 25.

It was ok for her to ask. Really.

@ op, you nutter, that made me laugh :))

I think it's rude too because there's no need for it. Something similar happened to me after DS2

My mum was 40 when my sister was born, I was 18, everyone, even her own friens (who she only saw a couple of times a year) congratulated my mum on becoming a grandma when they saw us out together.

It's not the end of the world, I was offended that people thought I was an 18 year old mother!

Actually I did get mistaken for an 18 year old student's mum recently. I'm 30 . That's worse, right?